Monday, December 01, 2014

10 Gifts For The Dog Lover Who Has Everything

Sooo... It's holiday shopping time. Which means stores are outdoing themselves to cram stuff on their shelves in the hopes that people will buy it without first questioning "Is this necessary?" "Is this meaningful?" or "Good heavens, what sociopath created *this?*"

Chances are, you have a few dog-lovers on your list. If you're scratching your head over what to gift them with, look no further. I present...

1. The "Fuzzy Butts" Sweater

Not only will this give you the opportunity to say "You have a Spot on your shoulder" with zero irony every time the recipient wears this item of apparel...

... but if you invite said sweater-wearer to sit upon the flat surfaces of your house, you'll never have to dust again.

2. Alien Facehugger Dog Leash

Because nothing says "I love my dog" like a leash designed to resemble a life-sucking science-fiction parasite. If truth-in-advertising is to be believed, the leash may also render the pooch... er... stuffed.

alien face hugger dog leash

3. The Trippin' Wolf / Dove / Electric Shock Therapy Bird Shirt

Add a kaleidoscope, an olive branch, and some bath salts, and you've got the gift that keeps on giving...
Siberian husky, wolf shirt dog bird animal Long sleeve Crew neck Sweater size M,L one size women men sweatshirt clothing apparel
4. The "Feelin' Horny as a Hound-Dog" Sweater

For that special someone who needs a special something. Rest assured that all eyes -- even those of the dog on the torso -- will be on whoever wears this puppy.


5.  "My Dog Has Fleas" Game

For the littlest dog-lovers on your list. Brought to you by the same people who make "Mr. Ed Broke His Leg" and "Rover's Ringworms."

Teaches children not one, but two valuable life skills: how to put fleas ON a dog and how to crank a dog's tail. Fun for the whole family.


6. The "Welcome Santa" Doormat

Because, really, if nothing sniffs your crotch when you enter the front door, there's no point in visiting, is there?


7. "Mouldy Dog" Topiary

It's like Chia Dog, only outside!


8. Dog-Themed Toilet Paper Dispensers

Novelty toilet tissue dispensers are neither necessary nor meaningful, but -- given the right circumstances -- they can be interesting. Presenting Exhibits A, B, and C...

Exhibit A: The Minimalist
D. Dog Tissue Toilet Roll Container - White

Exhibit B: The Realist

Exhibit C: The Humorist
9. Giant Dog Nose Wallcovering

I *promise* you they don't already have this. For extra fun, hand-tint the edges red and name the wall "Clifford.
Source (because you know you want this...):

10. The Demon-Dog Sweater

Those eyes that bore right through your soul! That nose that rivals Rudolph's!

Yours will be the only gift that brings with it the dual dangers of potential electrocution and immolation.

Fa-la-la-la-la, La La La Laaaaaa!