The Plus-Sized Problem: Musings on Full-Figured Word Power

Last week, the headline "Ralph Lauren Hires First Plus-Size Model" blared at the world, as if the fashion designer had turned its back on size 00 emaciated stick-insects and paid attention to the Other 99 Percent.

Truth is, RL's model is a size 12.

Now, last I checked, size 12 is on the small side of average. According to "Just What IS an Average Woman's Size Anymore?" from WebMD:

Today, the average American woman is 5’4″, has a waist size of 34-35 inches and weighs between 140-150 lbs, with a dress size of 12-14. Fifty years ago, the average woman was 5’3-4″ with a waist size of approximately 24-25″, she weighed about 120 lbs and wore a size 8. 

If RL's size 12 model was 5'4, or thereabouts, she wouldn't be "plus size." She'd be "normal." But she's not; she's an imposing 6'2"!

OK. I don't know about you. And I certainly don't know about Ralph. But if I see a 6-foot tall woman who wears a size 12, I don't think "plus size." I think "statuesque." "Willowy," even.

http://www.cafepress.com/garfield.484081872

What this means, of course is that Ralph is telling American women the same thing Garfield has been saying for years: they're not overweight. They're undertall. If they want to wear cool designer duds, they should either lose a Kia's worth of weight. Or just grow a freaking foot. Whichever is easier.

According to a Slate article on by Julia Felsenthal on why US clothing sizes make no sense, the only measurement originally used to determine a woman's clothing size was her bust. 'Cause, you know, that's a  uniform measurement across the human species.

A national commercial standard sizing system was pursued in America for the greater part of the 20th century, without any real success. In 1983, the US Department of Commerce axed the concept entirely. (Which explains how today, though I'm 10 pounds heavier, and have had a child, I still wear the same size I did while in high school -- back when Jesus was little, dinosaurs roamed the earth, and clothing manufacturers hadn't played fast and loose with the sizing charts in an effort to pander to the vanity of a population who, inexplicably, has come to believe a woman is sexy if she's a 0. Hmmmm... But that's a post for another time.)

Words exist for a reason: so we can communicate with clarity and intelligence. What I don't understand is why Ralph decided to call his lovely model "plus size" instead of just "tall." It's like calling Snooki a novelist or FOX balanced. Saying a thing doesn't make it so. 

Getting Past "I Just Didn't Love It"

Rejection in the Wonderful World of Writing comes in many sizes, styles, and colors.

Some are the one-size-fits-all form letter rejections that tell the writer nothing about the publishing industry pro's true thoughts on the work in question. "Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. Unfortunately, at this time, we do not feel it is a good fit for us. Best of luck in placing it elsewhere."

Some rejections are more personal, offering insights on both the perceived strengths and weaknesses of the piece, as seen through the eyes of the rejector.

And then there are the killers. The ones that say things like: "While elements of the story were certainly interesting, and the general premise was OK, unfortunately, I just didn't love it as much as I had hoped."

I can't speak for other writers, but those blasted "I Just Didn't Love It" missives used to sucker punch me. I'd open the email with pathetic hopefulness, then suddenly find myself transported back to high school -- making me all "aww, geez, I didn't get accepted into the popular kids' clique. Waaahhhh!"

For a long time, I thought the IJDLI rejections were the WORST.

Well, no more.

You see, I made the colossal mistake of equating "I just don't love it" with "I just don't love you." Which, of course, is ridiculous. I am not my book. My book is not me. ::Yeesh:: As if.

Strangely enough, it was a reading experience that gave me my writing epiphany.

Lately, I had the opportunity to experience IJDLI from the other side of the Great Writing Divide. A friend recently recommended a novelist -- a terribly accomplished, internationally bestselling writer -- whose tone and sense of humor is a very close match to my own. Though said novelist writes a genre I generally don't read, because of the similarities in our styles, I wanted to acquaint myself further with her works. So I checked out six titles from the library and started to read.

Same twisted sense of comedy: check. Same penchant for writing strong female characters: check. Same loopy approach to plot: yeah, Baby! Check!

But something was... missing.

Maybe it was the genre. Even in the hands of someone so talented, it's Just. Not. My. Thing.

Maybe it was the fact that every time the plot line skewed north, I was more interested in what would have happened if it had gone south. Or east. Or north by northwest.

I finished two of the six books, and got over halfway through three others. And I had to admit that though there was nothing wrong with the writing, the plots, or the execution of ideas, I just didn't love them.

Photo by wintersixfour via MorgueFile.com

This clicked on the Lightbulb of Revelation in my dim little brain. Suddenly, I understood exactly what IJDLI means. It means exactly what it says:

"I didn't hate it. I may have liked it. I may, in fact, have really liked it. But it's not something I want to read again. It's not you; it's me. Others may (and probably will) disagree with me on this. But since this isn't a book I can't stop thinking about, I'm going to cut you loose to find someone more passionate about this project."

In other words, it's the literary equivalent of "let's not get into a marriage of convenience. Better far to wait for someone who loves you truly, madly, deeply."

Who, I ask, can quibble with that kind of logic?

I know what it's like to have a long-term relationship a spouse who is one hundred percent crazy about me. It's awesome. It was so worth waiting for. I'm thinking if I receive any more IJDLI rejections, I'll not allow them to kill my optimism or enthusiasm. I'll just keep on keeping on till I find true love. It's out there. Don't give up till you find it!

The Art of the Book Review: with Joe Ponepinto

I am thrilled to introduce MuseInks readers to Joe Ponepinto (@JoePonepinto), who has graciously provided today's post. 

Joe Ponepinto spent the first half of his life in a variety of mercenary pursuits. To make up for it, he now writes, edits or teaches every day. He is the Book Review Editor for the Los Angeles Review, and has been published in many literary journals. He lives in Michigan with his wife, Dona, and Henry, the coffee drinking dog. His blog on writing and criticism is called The Saturday Morning Post.

With the recent flurry of articles that excoriate book reviews as unfairly positive, such as Jacob Silverman’s in Slate, or as written for hire or cronyism as in The New York Times, it’s tougher than ever for book reviewers to maintain their credibility with readers.

As the Book Review Editor for The Los Angeles Review, I at least get to define how ours are presented, in the hope that readers will find them honest, informative and fair.

First, an explanation. I’ve blogged on my own site about the incestuous relationship between book authors and reviewers, and noted we are not immune to the pressures that situation creates. Many of our reviews are positive, in large part because my review staff and I are free to choose books that we think we will enjoy reading. Reviewers on mainstream publications like The New York Review of Books must generally review books that are or will be in the news, so the chances of disliking the book are higher. And we do include negative observations in our reviews, although we tend to discuss them as reviewer and editor beforehand, and look for ways to temper the bad with the good before we publish. 

So all that being said, what do I look for in a book review? With thanks to Ami Hendrickson for the opportunity to blog, here’s a list a of some of the major considerations:

• What’s it about? What’s it really about? Give me the tone and the theme, not the plot. Anyone can recite the plot of a book. What’s more valuable to me as a reader and an editor, is an indication of the emotions the book is meant to invoke. That relies heavily on the author’s execution of the theme. Of course the premise and some plot is necessary to help ground the reader of the review, but in general, I want to know what the book is about, not what happens.

• What’s the author trying to do, and did s/he do it? A good reviewer should recognize an author’s techniques and underlying ideas. Most books (the good ones, anyway) are filled with metaphor, both within the actual writing and in the theme. Reviewers—and I find the best ones are writers themselves—must be able to reverse engineer the author’s motivations to determine the effectiveness of the book.

• The “I’s” don’t have it. I do not like “personal reaction” book reviews. Let me rephrase that: I despise “personal reaction” book reviews. They are self-indulgent navel gazing of the worst kind. Bad enough the reader has to slog through some reviewer’s personal issues, but to brush aside an author’s hard work to do so? I advise my reviewers to write in a professional, third person style, unless there is a strong personal connection to the subject of the book that would warrant such a treatment.

• Specificity. Nothing turns me off a review faster than a string of generic adjectives. Wonderful, fabulous, well-written, enjoyable and their friends all go out the window. (Clichés, too—like that one.) Show, don’t tell is just as important in book reviews as it is in the writing.

• Creativity. A book review can be as creatively written as the book itself. When I write a review, I try to capture the attitude of the book to a small degree in order to relate the tone of the work. If it’s funny or quirky, dark or deeply emotional, I try to reflect that mood. But just like more creative genres, if the writing is over the top and tries to outshine the review, that only makes the reviewer look amateurish.

• This ain’t your high school book report. Show me you know what you’re talking about. Use literary theory. Reference other works for comparison. Build on the criticism that’s already out there, and make your review part of the literary conversation. Reading other books—a lot of them—helps.

Of course that’s just my short list. I could go on at length (and I often do). I welcome inquiries about book reviews and reviewing at lareview.bookreviews@gmail.com.

The Genre-Free Writer: Looking for the Common Thread

I've spent the last three days holed up in my writing studio, with strict instructions to all I know and love not to bother me unless the Horsemen of the Apocalypse are thundering down the street.

Much of my time I spent actually writing. However, some of my time I spent really looking at my career and my writing and deciding where I'm going to go from here. Some questions I considered were:

*  What elements connect all of my characters? 

*  What common threads run through all of my work?

*  What plots and themes most move me?

*  What one trait is vitally important to my characters?

The experience was an eye opener. One I highly recommend.

photo by mantasmagorical from MorgueFile.com

See, I've always known what I write didn't fit into an easily identified genre.

I write screenplays and poems, novels and short stories. I write science fiction, fantasy, women's fiction, children's stories, middle grade fiction, family fare, and darker, edgier stuff.  I happen to think some of the stuff I write is funny -- but realize that not everyone shares my rather warped sense of humor. It certainly wouldn't be classified as "comedy."

So I wracked my brain. Since all my writing comes from ME, I reasoned that there must be some common threads and recurring themes. And slowly -- painfully slowly -- they became clear.

I discovered several things about my writing. For instance:

*   I write quirky, unselfish characters with hidden strengths and highly individualized but uncompromising integrity.

*  I gravitate toward bittersweet stories, antiheroes, and tragic characters.

*  My characters are often trapped in situations from which they cannot safely escape, but which ultimately lead to glory.

*  Every major character of mine has almost pathological perseverance.

It literally took me hours to come up with these attributes. When I mentioned them to a writerly friend who is familiar with my work, she responded:

"It is so your writing down to a fine sharp point." 

And she's right. (Though maybe I could have saved a ton of time if I'd asked her to answer the questions for me in the first place.)

photo by andalusia via MorgueFile.com

I wish I had undertaken this exercise years ago. Though it took me awhile to find the answers, it gives me a sense of relief to have done so.

Since I don't specialize in a particular genre, it's easy to assume that my writing is fragmented; disconnected; that one work is completely dissociated from another, as if I just wander from project to project dumping word clumps on whatever happens to pique my fancy.

Ah, but it's not the genre that connects my works to each other. No. Instead, they are connected by characteristics, themes, and situations.

I now have a whole new feel for my material as a whole, rather than as a series of unconnected pieces. Better yet: I have a far greater understanding of who my ideal readers are.

*  My ideal readers like quirky characters with hidden strength and unwavering integrity.

*  My ideal readers appreciate antiheroes and the occasional bittersweet tragedy.

*  My ideal readers like to root for the underdog, knowing that sacrifice is often the key to success.

*  My ideal readers admire characters who refuse to give up, regardless of the odds.

I love being a genre-free writer. But I don't want to be a reader-free writer. Answering those four questions helped give me greater insight into my work. Now that I know what I have to offer my ideal readers, I am better equipped to find them.

Do you write genre-stuff or non-genre-stuff? What common threads connect your words? How do those threads then weave a pattern for your audience?

The Do-It-Yourself Writing Retreat

All summer, I have been not-so-secretly jealous of my writing friends who put their lives on hold to go on a writing retreat. It was hard not to be tinged with the teensiest bit of green when hearing of those who eschewed the demands of parenting, working, and spousing for awhile in order to spend some serious quality time with the creative muse.

One need not escape in order to create.

And then I got to thinking: my thinly veiled envy wasn't because my friends were spending time at the shore, or in the woods, or in the mountains. No. It was the sheer concentrated writing time that I begrudged them.

This realization soon led to another:

If they could do it, goshdangnabbit, so could I.

This inelegant (but motivational) thought led me to create the DIY Writing Retreat. It's amazingly simple. Here's how it works:

• For three consecutive days, I am going to focus primarily on my writing. My family has people in it (other than I) who are capable of cooking. [Note to self: if the cooking tenet proves false, we can easily survive on mac & cheese and takeout pizza during that time, if need be. My muse thrives on carbs.]

• During my retreat, I am more writer than mom, daughter, friend, or spouse. 
• I will not do laundry, run errands, go grocery shopping, weed the garden, troubleshoot relationships, babysit, or talk to telemarketers. 
• I will not answer the phone. 
• I will not muck about on social media sites. 
• I will not feel guilty about this. 
• I will not back down. 
• I. Will. Write.

Because I have access to the mystically magical Net of Inter, I'm going to have New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Crusie be the keynote presenter to kick off my retreat.

You see, several years ago, Crusie wrote an awesome post that was ostensibly about finding an agent, but was more accurately a step-by-step blueprint on How To Discover Your Ideal Writing Career. Addressing the "you can only answer these for yourself" questions and issues raised within that post shall be Item One on my DIY Writing Retreat Schedule.

I'll spend some of my DIY Writing Retreat time focusing on word count.

I'll spend some time focusing on improving specific parts of my craft.

And I'll spend some time plotting and planning so I have a clear vision of where my WIP is headed when I return to the story of my life that's already in progress.

I will not spend time doing research online because I know that the aforementioned Net of Inter exerts a strange and terrible influence over me. I can begin researching ninth century peasant life to add veracity to my story, only to fall down the YouTube rabbit hole, emerging two hours later dazed and addled and laughing hysterically after yet another viewing of Tim Hawkins' Inappropriate Wedding Songs.

I will not spend my time painting my fingernails, or my toenails, or (God forbid!) cleaning my house or my writing studio.

I will not delude myself into believing that 140-character tweets count as writing. My family won't be noshing on takeout so I can fraternize with my Twitter friends.

I fully expect to emerge from the three days of self-imposed exile, disheveled, over-caffeinated and recharged with creative juice, with several thousand as-yet-unwritten words added to my novel in progress. Who knows? If the family can handle one more visit from the Pizza Guy, I may decide to extend my DIY Writing Retreat by another day... Or two.

My 3-day indulgence begins on Monday, August 27. Don't be jealous! Join me from the comfort of your own home, and embark on a #DIYWriting Retreat of your very own.

Photo via www.MorgueFile.com

Why the Top 3 Reasons for Ebook Piracy Don't Hold Water

In case you were unaware, rampant piracy of e-books abounds. Some pirate vessels brag openly about their dastardly deeds. Others run silent and deep, like U-boats lurking in the murky waters of 21st century publishing.

Last week I engaged in several discussions with writers and agents bemoaning the piracy of their books. Without exception, all victims of piracy were irate, so most conversations were liberally laced with both profanity and swashbuckling imagery.

I find it fascinating that a blogger who innocently infringes on image copyright can get seriously sued while bottom feeders who openly and maliciously steal content are serially scott-free.

Why is piracy a problem?

I'm glad you asked. To find the answer, let's take a look at some of the most common reasons pirates give for their actions and deconstruct what they're actually saying:  

Scurvy Reason #1 for Piracy:  "I can't afford to buy it."

Poverty of income doesn't mean you also have poverty of ethics. Besides, in order to pirate an ebook, one must first own a device capable of reading an ebook. If you can afford the computer / phone / tablet / e-reader, you sure as shooting can afford a few bucks for a legitimate download.

Here's the thing: if you can't afford a new car, should you just steal one? If you can't afford a new jacket, should you lift one off the rack? No. Members of civilized society unanimously agree that such actions warrant mandatory "time outs" from freedom in order to contemplate the error of one's ways. Stealing is stealing is stealing.

You want to talk poor? Consider the fact that no book writes itself overnight. It takes each author a significant portion of his or her allotted time on this planet to write what pirates blithely steal. Every author sacrifices family time, hanging out with their friends, sleep, and staying current on news, movies, books, and in some cases, reality TV in order to create a manuscript. Every book sold through legitimate channels earns the author the rough equivalent of $.000007 cents an hour. Ask me how I know.

If "Power To The Poor People" is truly the pirates' mantra, they'd put their money where their mouth is and pony up the few bucks to support a writer rather than begrudge him or her the funds to buy a cup of coffee to keep the muse fueled.

Rather than poor pirates, I blame poor parenting. Perhaps the pirates' parents never taught them the value of a work ethic. Here's the thing the rest of us learned while we were still in grade school: if you can't afford something, get a job, work, save your money, and use it to buy the stuff you want. Until then, learn to do without what you can't afford.

Rascally Reason #2 for Piracy:  "If I love it, I'll buy it."

This translates to "I will first read a bootleg copy. If -- and only if -- it moves me, changes my life, opens my eyes to a new paradigm, and transports me to realms hitherto unimagined, I will then leave the dark alleys of Pirateland and purchase a copy from a squeaky-clean source."

Right...

So what this means, when one decodes the pirate-speak, is that it's perfectly OK to steal books one likes but does not love. It's the pirate equivalent of "Sleep with me first. If you're any good, I'll leave some money on the bureau in the morning."

In agent-speak "I just don't love it" means "I won't rep it." That's bad enough. But in pirate-speak, "I just don't love it" means "I read it but won't pay for it," which is infinitely worse.

Scallywag Reason #3 for Piracy:  "I'm a big supporter of books I love."

What does this mean, exactly? "If I illegally download something I really like, I tell all my friends and get them to illegally download it, too?"

Because, really, do you expect me to believe that if a pirate downloads a bootleg copy of something, loves it and tells all of his (or her) pirate-y friends about it, he (or she) will direct those friends to a legitimate download site?

What kind of friendship is that, I ask you? Everyone knows there is no honor among thieves. I sincerely doubt those thieves will often pass up the opportunity to drag others into their underworld. Rather than send their friends to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Smashwords, fer instance, to get an ebook that really moved their blackened hearts, it's far more likely that they'll direct those friends to the same site from which they stole downloaded their own copy.

Here's something those who attempt to defend their illicit acts tend to forget: multiple illegal downloads doesn't translate to "support." It just means that instead of being responsible for a single theft, they're responsible for many.

I'm not so naive as to believe that a little blog post like this will somehow make ebook pirates see the error of their ways and stop embezzling books. Naw -- I just live for the day we authors can embed a code in ebooks that's benign if downloaded legally, but that goes ALL EBOLA when pirated. ~maniacal laugh~

All photos from www.MorgueFile.com.

Q & A With Niche Press Publicist Kalla Monahan

I am thrilled to introduce MuseInks readers to hardworking, camera-shy Kalla Monahan, a publicist for Sirens Call Publications, a small, niche press specializing in "dark and edgy fiction." 

Kalla is the quiet one at SCP, but don't let that fool you; get her started on one of their projects and she will passionately talk your ear off.  Her literary loves include horror, science fiction and the bizarre. While she does have a weak spot for a good Zombie storyline and will greedily devour anything in the genre, she does get titillated by works in any genre that are well crafted and full of great characters.  

Kalla has graciously agreed to answer a few questions in an effort to pull back the veil and demystify the role of a publicist at a small press. 

Q:  What does a publicist at a small / niche press do? What is a typical day like?

A:  Essentially my job is to act as the intermediary between the media and the author. I do have other duties, but that is my job in a nutshell.

A typical day for me involves going to the day job first and then doing my best to address any critical issues that may have come up in any down moments I can scrounge up. Once home from work, my night is filled with emails, reading, and other additional business that tends to evolve as the day progresses.

Q:  How did you become a publicist? What is the best part of your job? What's the toughest part of your job?

A:  To be honest, I have always loved helping to connect people. As an author myself, I did a lot of the same tasks for myself and enjoyed making the contacts and fostering the relationships that develop along the way.

The best part of my job is getting to work one on one with the authors and developing plans to get the word out about their work. That’s also the toughest part of my job since each book is different and has its own unique learning curve. But I love it and I couldn’t imaging not doing it.

Q:  What can an author expect from a publisher's publicist? What are specific ways an author can help a publicist market a book?

A:  I cannot speak for every publicist out there, only for myself. An author can expect quite a few things from me: my respect (it’s hard to write a book!), my tenacity, and my knowledge of the business from numerous angles. An author can help to market their own book by being persistent but not to the point of annoyance when it comes to publicizing that they have a book to offer.

Photo by jdurham via MorgueFile.com

Q:  What are some common mistakes new authors make with regards to marketing both their books and themselves are writers? What are common mistakes authors make when working with a publicist?

A:  I’m not entirely sure that there are mistakes. When anyone tries something new, they are bound to find out that certain activities work better than others. It is specific to the person and the medium offered as well. Just think of the way that authors pen their works: some prefer to use the computer, others write long-hand; some are planners, while others are pantsers. It’s all about what works for the individual and that’s one of the great things about marketing – different approaches appeal to different groups of people.

Q:  What do you wish every new author knew about marketing?

A: That it is not as easy as telling people you have a book to sell.

Q:  Can you walk us through a typical marketing campaign? When does the marketing for a new title begin? How long does the campaign last?

A: Each campaign is different. The marketing for a new title begins shortly before it’s available. When you’re working in a genre and as the number of books that are published grows each and every day, it can be both good and bad to advertise too far in advance. We live in a world that is centered on the Now and most people want the immediate satisfaction of purchasing a book that they find intriguing. It’s a fine line to walk when it comes to timing.

The publicity for a book never ends. Each day you’ll come across new potential readers so you want to be able to introduce what you have to offer at a moment’s notice.

Q: Describe the most drool-worthy, jump-at-the-chance, ideal book project that you'd love to tackle as a publicist.

A:  Each book that I encounter is one that I would love to work on. I have a passion for the written word that extends through numerous genres. To pick just one would be a disservice to all of the wonderful traditionally and independently published books, at any stage of their existence.

Thanks to Kalla for taking the time from her busy schedule to talk to us. Find out more about Kalla on Facebook or on her blog, The Bizarre Kaleidoscope. She tweets as @KallaMonahan.

Have you worked with a publicist -- either one you've hired or one that worked for your publisher? What did you wish you had known beforehand? What worked best for you? Please comment and let us know.