Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Dog Ate My Homecoming

This is a true story. I swear. I know the people it happened to.

It has nothing to do with writing, but everything to do with how truth trumps fiction every time.

Plus, it makes me laugh.


A few years ago, my BFF's husband was stationed in Iraq with a guy whose wife, back home in Michigan, became good friends with my BFF.

When the other woman's husband was scheduled to come home on leave, she wanted to do something "special" for her man. So she decided to go to -- you know -- an "adult" store and get something to make his homecoming... memorable. She, however, wasn't the sort who frequents stores like that and didn't want to go by herself. (Incidentally, neither BFF nor I are Adult Store denizens either. In case you were wondering...)

Anyway --

BFF said she'd accompany the woman on her shopping trip, lending support, though perhaps not of the moral variety.

Once in the doors, the woman had great fun buying... stuff.

Condoms and flavored oils and edible underwear and... stuff.

She brought all her new purchases home and put them in a brown paper bag in her bedroom to keep them away from the prying eyes of her kid.
I ate what?!


Where her dog discovered it and thought the canine equivalent of: YAY! COOL NEW FLAVORS AND SMELLS I'VE NEVER SMELLED! 

And promptly ate *everything.*

Upon discovery of the doggy snacker, the woman called BFF freaking out, wondering if Mr. Dogness could be in any danger from what he ate because there was No. Way. In. Hell she was going to call the vet and tell him what the dog had ingested. 

I laughed so hard I hurt myself.

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