MuseInks

Free Writing (by Guest Blogger Sharon C. Williams)

2012-01-25T11:10:00.000-05:00

Jasper, one of Sharon's Muses.

MuseInks welcomes Sharon C. Williams (@NewEngland_Muse)! Sharon is a sports fan, chemistry buff, novice crocheter, and animal-lover. [Just ask her about her birds!] She blogs at The Musings of a New Englander.

Sharon & I exchanged a series of emails about her decision to publish some of her stuff for free -- a decision I supported, but which many writers frown upon. I asked if she'd share her reasons for "giving it away." She very graciously agreed. Thanks, Sharon!

I have been seriously writing since the Fall of 2009. It hadnot occurred to me to write as a career. After all, that was for people who were serious, who had talent andskill. That was surely not me. What did I know about writing?

Then a friend told me that my husband had told her he felt I wroterather well (a fact he had not shared with me). This thought rattled in my brainfor a while. A few months later a story started forming in my mind. I kepttelling myself I was going to put down, but just never did -- until the Fall of 2009 when I had twosurgeries, unrelated to each other, within 3 weeks of each other.

Since I had somenewfound time on my hands, I started to write. Once I started, it seemed the words would not stopflowing. The more I wrote, the moreconfidence I felt in what I was putting down on paper.

Joining a writer's group in town motivated me to write moreon the things I came across. Ivaried from children's book, memoirs, personal essay, mystery and drama. I didnot define myself to just one set box. What happened soon was notebooks filled with short stories that rangedas wide as a rainbow with its colors.

Then came my subscription to Writer's Digest. That magazine changed my life, for inone of its articles was an author who talked about social media and how touse it to further one's writings. She left her Twitter nameand that was my road to an amazing new world. A world where authors, editors,publishers, printing houses met, chat, supported and helped each other in thefacets of writing. I was blownover.

I was not an unknown writer to them. I was someone who reminded themof where they once were (or where they were right now). It compelled me to write more than ever.

But with writing comes editing -- something that I am not goodat.

The great part of social mediais the people you meet. If they don't know the answer, they know someone whojust might.

At that point I hadwritten 3 books which required editing of some nature. I had written the secondpart of my children's book as well as a collection of short stories. This was all well and good, but not whenthey needed some editing.

During the early part of last year, I contacted a publisher to ask about his pricing foreditorial services. Even when I knew I could not afford it, we stayed in touch.

A few months ago, he approached me requesting the use of some of my work. He was putting together an ebook of shortstories. He would pay for the art cover, the editing and all of that. The bookwould be offered for free to download as a promotional gig, so there would be nomoney made on this for him or for me. I would maintain the copyrights to my stories; hewould just get to use them this one time. In return for my involvement, the book would include my bio, mentions of my WIPs (works in progress), and ways to contact me.

I was ecstatic, to say the least, until a person told me that if I was not getting paid then it was not worth my participation. I was miffed atfirst, for I could not understand how anyone could view this as anything butgood. I tended to think a different way:

Download the free ebook.

I am a new writer trying to get her books out. I have three manuscripts. One is edited. Theothers are not. I have two short stories thatwill be published in a book my local library has received agrant to publish. So, soon I will have 4 short stories in print. To say I am giddyis truly an understatement.

This all happened the week of Thanksgiving and still, when I think about it, I just smile from ear to ear. I refuse to let the naysayer bring medown. I am proud of myself. Itjust shows that even if you are unknown it does not mean your work won't find an audience. It is all how you view it.

Ebooks are opening a whole newvenue for artists across the board Making our mark is not easy when we are new and exposure, exposure, andexposure is what is needed. So I say poo poo at that person who thinks it isnot worth it for me to allow my stories to be put into print. I refuse to let the negativity of that remark stop me. I have to start somewhere. I view thisopportunity from the publisher as my first step.

At least now, when Ido my query letters, I can now say I am published here and there. Furthermore,there will be a few publishers who will be able to see my stories learn about my next project.Maybe they will see something they are interested in or maybe they will knowsomeone that might be interested in my works.

Where I stand, this is win, win, and a win.

What do you think? Should a writer EVER allow his or her work to be published without payment? How valuable is exposure? What has your experience been? Chime in below and let me know.

The Surprising Words that Strengthen Dimming Dreams

2012-01-12T23:37:00.000-05:00

We writers are a resilient bunch. We have to be. In what other profession do people willingly bare their souls knowing they will meet with rejection? Acting, perhaps. (Politics, too, if politicians had souls.)

In any given writers forum on any given day, you'll see writers bolstering one another up saying things like "Everyone gets rejected. My novel [insert shameless self-promo plug here] was rejected from 935 agents and publishers before it got into print. Hang in there!"

You almost never hear doctors in medical forums counsel, "Everyone dies. As a [insert medical specialty practice here], I lost 935 patients before I successfully saved a life. Chin up!"

A writer's life is akin to ducklings in the wind. The only way to survive is to roll with the buffets, get up, and waddle on.

Writing is not for the faint of heart. Writing as a bankable career is on a par with Professional Lottery Ticket Purchaser. All of your eggs are in the creative basket -- a notoriously unreliable transport device.

Every so often, this writer scratches the silver flake from yet another losing card and contemplates the possibility of getting a Real Job. You know: Benefits. Paid vacations. Regular paychecks. Dreams need not apply.

"You are not a winner..."

This train of thought usually boards when the Muse is A.) recently rejected, B.) stressed, or C.) digging through laundry for loose change 'cause the Hyundai doesn't run on dreams.

Why bother with writing? the exhausted Muse snarks. It's a safe bet that no one even reads your stuff. To make things worse, you haven't adhered to the first law of commercial writing -- which is pick a genre and stick with it. You're all over the map: non-fiction, fiction, historical, fantasy, kid's, adults... Who the heck are you writing for?

"Me," I'd answer. If I talked to myself. Which I don't. Usually.

Suffice to say that as 2011 wound to an end, I was seriously considering the job thing. I told my Writing Practicum about it -- eliciting moues of thinly veiled dismay. Oh, they understood the whole "I have to put food on the table" argument. But I got the distinct impression that I'd disappoint them if I became gainfully employed; as if by hanging up my dreams, I'd somehow pull the plug on theirs as well.

I'm not saying that one can't work a Real Job and still write. I am saying, however, that I know me. If I were working 40+ hours a week for someone else, away from home, I would fill up my time at home with things like chores, quality time with the animals, parenting, spending time with WunderGuy ("wifing?"), and sleeping. My productivity would most likely plummet.

As I wrestled with what to do, having lengthy talks with God about The Meaning of Life and harangued incessantly by the Snarky Muse, I wrote a series of blog posts that had everything to do with gratitude and nothing to do with writing. (If you're curious, "On the First Day of Christmas" started it all.)

The holidays exploded around me. My parents came up to visit for a few weeks. School vacation hit. WunderGuy finished his 5-week course of daily brain radiation. Christmas loomed. I caught up on all my client work, then went offline for a few days.

When I (finally) checked my email, I discovered the writer's equivalent of a winning lottery ticket awaiting me in my Inbox. No, it wasn't an acceptance.
It was something far better: appreciation.

A friend whom I haven't spoken with for several weeks wrote and told me how my recent series had touched her and her children. I learned that my words elicited both tears and laughter. I discovered that they had been shared with others.

She told me of her family's Christmas tradition: on Christmas Eve, they all read the Christmas story aloud from Luke. Afterward, each member of the family says what they are thankful for and shares their hopes and dreams for the upcoming year. "This year," my friend informed me, "I started with reading some of your 12 Days. Sometimes there wasn't a dry eye!"

I was humbled and honored to hear that the entire family had shared memories of me (years ago, I taught their homeschooled children). Though I wasn't there in person, I was blessed to be a part of their Christmas.

Nothing muzzles the Snarky Muse like an entire paragraph in which someone itemizes over 10 specific things you've written that they appreciate. And nothing makes you certain you're doing what you were created for like having someone take the time to thank you for the "many ways your writing helps and affects me."

Wow.

We writers are a resilient bunch, 'tis true. But we're not machines. Google "why I quit writing" for a snootful of eminently depressing articles from those who gave up on their dreams. I wonder whether any of those posts would have been written had just one person taken the time to write and voice appreciation for another's words.

Our words can have a profound effect on those around us. As writers, we'd like to think that the words most effective are our own. But sometimes what keeps those words coming is a word or two from others that tells us we haven't yet said it all.

If you are considering telling your dreams of making it as a writer or an artist to take a hike, reconsider. You have no idea whose life your art is touching. You might literally be a bright spot in someone else's day. You might move them, inspire them, or cause them to think in a way no one else does. Imagine receiving a letter from your most ardent supporter. Think what that could do to re-energize your dimming dreams...

Now examine the flip side of that coin. When was the last time you wrote words of encouragement to let another artist know how much his or her work affected you? What's stopping you? You never know -- you might be the voice from the Great Unknown that gives another the resolve to keep on keeping on.

On the 12th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 12 Months of Memories

2011-12-25T00:40:00.000-05:00

"On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
12 months of memories,
11 days a-vacationing,
10 pages turning,
9 ducks a-bugging,
an 8 year old dancing,
7 hens a-laying,
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

Enough said: It's Christmas Day. An entire year is nearly over. I am grateful for so many things today: my parents visiting from 500 miles away, weather warm enough to go outside without wearing a bazillion layers, the succulent turkey dinner that will soon knock me into a tryptophan-induced coma.

Still: as I've been revamping the 12 Day of Christmas for the past week and a half to make it more meaningful to me, I've been reminded again and again of so dang many things that I am grateful for. They just won't fit into a single song. And so, today, to cap things off and end this little 12-day series, I am especially grateful for having been able to spend another year with the people and creatures that make my time on this planet meaningful and rich.

Some of the memories 2011 brought:

* We got Barkeley, our St. Bernard, in January. He quickly became a Totoro-like member of the family. So many memories of the previous months include His Giganticness resting his fuzzy head on my lap (or on my computer), quietly entreating attention.

* My 8 year-old daughter began taking ishinryu karate and loved it. I watched her go from fumbling through the basic movements to calmly practicing self-defense techniques with full-grown adults. Two weeks ago, she earned her yellow belt. Her smile at learning of her accomplishment is a memory I'll cherish for a long time.

One of my favorite views.

* I rode far less than I wanted to, but the times I did ride were filled with the stuff memories are made of: a willing horse, wide open spaces, and (on occasion) the company of a good friend. ::sigh:: I'm smiling just thinking about it...

* In direct contrast to my time in the saddle, I spent far more time than I wanted to in the ER when WunderGuy seized violently, unexpectedly, and uncontrollably. Most of the problems were attributed to a change in manufacturer of his meds (don't get me started on generic meds made in other countries ). But MRIs revealed that the mass in his brain, which has been so well behaved for so long, had decided to move. So I now have a lifetime's worth of memories of driving my husband to radiation treatments every day for 5 weeks. With any luck, this is something WunderGuy and I can reminisce about together for years and years to come...

* This summer, while I was walking Kestrel, a nasty bad Midwestern storm blew in from Lake Michigan. Not only did it catch us in it (I walked the last 1/2 mile in rain so hard I could literally not see my feet), but it dropped a 100+ year old maple tree on our house. And our car. Insurance came to the rescue and the roof of the house is fixed. As for the car... Not so much. Every time I drive it, I'm hit with memories.

* I spent several days in Burbank at my first-ever script pitch conference. Learned a lot. Reconnected with old friends and made some new ones. Made a lot of promising contacts but failed to make a sale. ::sigh:: But while I was there, I was able to hang out with my very good friend Karen, who I haven't seen since 2005. And eat a fabulous Thai dinner with her. I adore filling my memories with friends and good food!

There are so many more memories for which I'm grateful: movies watched with friends, "game nights" full of laughter, my god-daughter's birth, stargazing and swimming with my child... I doubt there's enough money in the world to induce me to trade any of them.

Shortly after WunderGuy and I were married, my grandmother died of pancreatic cancer. My grandfather died a few years later of a broken heart and Alzheimer's. His demise was terrible for us. But in the end, he was left alone with his memories. And they were good ones. He was so sad about losing my grandma -- his constant companion for 53 years. Somehow, for him, it was preferable to succumb to losing the present in order to revisit his past. When he died, he took all of his memories with him. In the end, they were all he had.

This Christmas, as I am surrounded by those I love, I plan on making a few more wonderful memories. And when I do, I hope I'll remember to be grateful for those who are integral to their creation. Here's wishing you a Christmas full of gratitude-inducing memories as well!

On the 11th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 11 Days a-Vacationing

2011-12-24T06:25:00.003-05:00

"On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
11 days a-vacationing,
10 pages turning,
9 ducks a-bugging,
an 8 year old dancing,
7 hens a-laying,
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

Of the many things for which I am grateful this holiday season, one of the most immediately obvious is Christmas Vacation. Aaaaahhhhhh.....

My daughter, who loves school, still could not control herself from an obsessive countdown of the days separating her from vacation. (I mean, one can enjoy school as much as humanly possible, but school can't hold a candle to vacation. "School" and "vacation" are the time-spending equivalents of mashed potatoes and chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. Mashed potatoes can be your favorite food, but no one's going to choose them over cookies.)

Finally, the day came! Bliss! Joy! We are now in a frenzied enjoyment of two full weeks of vacation which, not counting weekends ('cause those wouldn't have been school days anyway), gives us eleven whole weekdays of things like sleeping in, not having to pack a lunch, no homework, and playing instead of studying.

To make the vacation even better, the grandparents are visiting. BONUS!!

I love watching my daughter's wholehearted embracing of her vacation. Frankly, I'm enjoying the whole "sleeping in" thing every bit as much as she is. Vacation: it's the gift that keeps on giving. And, in all honesty, if I can't be grateful for vacation -- a break in the daily routine that runs my life the entire rest of the year -- then I'm probably in danger of becoming either a workaholic or a hermit.

Without vacation days, the holidays would be an impossible melange of commitments, company, and obligations. Vacation: the very word includes "vacate" which means "to leave." Vacation gives me leave to put my regular life on hold for a while, to leave the merry-go-round that my days can become, and to empty my calendar of everything I wish.

So far, at some point during each day of vacation, I catch myself thinking of all the things I could be (should be?) doing. These are the things I normally do, that I'm not doing because the vacation interferes with my regularly scheduled programming. I realize that those things aren't going to get done any time soon. I also realize that the world will not self-destruct because those things aren't happening. And, once again, I am profoundly grateful...

On the 10th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 10 Pages Turning

2011-12-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

"On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
10 pages turning,
9 ducks a-bugging,
an 8 year old dancing,
7 hens a-laying,
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

A sad reality of the publishing world is that writers don't read. A few months ago, Salon even weighed in on the matter of non-reading writers. It's tragic and it's true: too many of us are guilty.

I daresay no one ever became a writer without reading -- and reading voraciously. Generally, writers began as dyed-in-the wool reading addicts who would shamelessly admit to reading everything:
Children's books...
Classics...
Potboilers...
Pulp trash...
Cereal boxes...
Shampoo ingredients (what the heck is "cyclomethicone" and why does it remind me of an amusement park ride for junkies?).

But somewhere along the way, the days that dragged when I was nine began to fly. Now mine zip by so fast that if I blink twice, I'll miss one.

Sadly, a day has only 24 hours. In that time, in addition to sustaining a relationship, raising children, letting the dogs out, doing laundry, buying groceries, researching agents & publishers, formatting for Smashwords, cooking dinner, editing, working (God help us) the day joy, and letting the dogs out again, we must find the time to actually corral the Muse, get her to cooperate and create.

Something has to fall by the wayside. Too often, at least in my own life, it's reading for pleasure.

I think part of the problem is the "for pleasure" aspect of reading. As if it's a frivolous activity that should only take place when all Important Stuff has been accomplished. Which is never.

But reading, like eating, isn't something a writer who wants to remain inspired can do without for very long. In all likelihood, reading is what made us fall in love with words in the first place. Some writer say they "don't have time to read." Or, worse yet, claim "there is nothing out there worth reading. That's why I write."

Bull pucky. No offense intended, but reading is the writing profession's equivalent of continuing education. The writer who doesn't make time to read is akin to the doctor who doesn't make the time to stay current on what's happening in the world of medicine. The long-term effects on either professional's career can be devastating.

Because reading is so important, so critical, (and -- let's face it -- so dang much fun), I've implemented a plan to make sure I include it in my life. Every day, I make sure I read 10 pages. That's all. Just 10. There's time enough in every day, I reason, to read 10 stinkin' pages. No matter how busy life gets, 10 pages are a doable thing.

This practice has made me grateful for several things:

* I have rediscovered how much I love escaping into a good book and am thankful for the writers out there who didn't give up, who persevered, and who saw those books to fruition.

* I am grateful for the short window of downtime those 10 pages bring to every day.

* I am exceedingly thankful that those few pages provide me with something to talk about, to think about, and to brood upon OTHER than my own works-in-progress and my own life.

* Finally, I am thankful for the surprising gift of ::gasp:: Extra Time that I often discover. Because you know what happens more often than not? This writer who for far too long has thought she didn't have enough time to read for pleasure discovers that those 10 pages just aren't enough. And I find the time to shoehorn in an entire chapter... or two... into my schedule.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 9 Ducks A-Bugging

2011-12-22T11:33:00.002-05:00

"On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
9 ducks a-bugging,
an 8 year old dancing,
7 hens a-laying,
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

I never wanted ducks.

Chickens; yes. (See Day #7 of this series...) I've always wanted chickens. Chickens serve a purpose. Chickens lay eggs. Plus, they taste great.

Ducks -- actually, waterfowl in general -- were the Great Unknown. I didn't know enough about them to have strong feelings one way or the other. Guinea fowl, for instance, I knew I didn't want. Though they're pretty and, I understand, eat ticks, I can't stand to hear them. They sound exactly like a woman being heinously murdered. ::shudder:: But ducks just quack. And swim. For years, I thought they don't do much else...


If it walks like a duck...

We had one or two ducks at a time over the years, but they didn't really register as an integral part of our "vast menagerie." Then, one of the children's teachers at our church said she wanted to get some chicks and ducklings and let the kids see the babies as they fledged. But she needed a place for them to go once they'd grown. Would we take them?

I figured "some" meant 4 or 5, so I said "sure."

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that "some" meant 26!

Boy, howdy!

Suddenly we had DUCKS! And a few GEESE! And I discovered what our farm had been missing all those years:

Organic Bug Control! ~cue the dancing girls and confetti shower~

Bug Patrol in action.

The first year we had our waterfowl, we learned that they kept to themselves. While ducks and geese happily hang out together, a definite "Us vs. Them" mentality exists between ducks and chickens. The 2 species will co-habitate at night if locked up in the same coop -- barring other options. During daylight hours, however, they go their separate ways.

While the chickens scratch away in the dirt looking for worms, the waterfowl patrol ponds and puddles snapping up mosquito larvae like it's candy! Had I but known!

The difference a flock of ducks makes in airborne, flying pests is remarkable. There have been some years B.D. (Before Ducks) when the mosquitoes literally drove us indoors. That has never happened A.D. (After Ducks). I will never again be without a flock of ducks on my farm. I'd far rather have them than the buzzing, stinging alternative.

I am very grateful for my ducks -- perhaps all the more so because they are a blessing I never knew I wanted or needed until I had them. Some things I've wished and worked for for years before I acquired them. My ducks, in contrast, were a hidden blessing. And it's a delightful thing to be surprised by gratitude.

Have you been surprised by gratitude lately? Tell me below...

On the 8th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: an 8 Year Old Dancing

2011-12-21T06:36:00.002-05:00

"On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
an 8 year old dancing
7 hens a-laying,
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

WunderGuy and I were married for 14 years before we were blessed with a child. We actively tried to have children for 7 of those years, joking about all the money we'd wasted on birth control.

We found out we were expecting the same week we learned WunderGuy was losing his job due to outsourcing and downsizing (Corporate Speak for "You no longer work here."). Oh, joy.

C. at 2 1/2 years.

Ah, but our daughter IS a joy. She's a constant reminder that there is still wonder in the world. She enables me to hear old jokes, see old movies, and revisit old haunts with new appreciation.

She is opinionated and brilliant, graceful and coltish. She's got her father's gentle spirit, she's got my gift for gab, and she is definitely her own person.

Every day, she reminds me that she is not me. She is Herself. She doesn't necessarily like the same things I do, enjoy the same foods, or think Those pants go with That shirt. And every time she jolts me out of my comfortable rut where I have experienced the world for the past 4 decades, I am grateful anew.

I've reached the age of walking. I run only for emergencies. All normal activities -- mucking stalls, grocery shopping, going to get my hair cut, exercising the dog -- involve walking.

Not so, my daughter. She rarely walks anywhere. She skips, twirls, stomps, and clomps. She races and runs, dodges and darts. She literally dances through life.

C. at 3 1/2.

Though she was an easy pregnancy, hers was a fairly difficult birth. She was overdue so labor was induced. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, she aspirated fluid during birth, and upon coming into the world, her Apgar score plummeted. She was immediately put on a respirator and placed in something that looked like an alien aquarium. I couldn't hold her until nearly 13 hours after she was born. Thank Heaven for obstetrics and pediatric medicine.

I worried a bit that I might not have a maternal bone in my body. I wasn't someone who desperately craved a child. Though WunderGuy and I feared we might not be able to have one, we never took heroic measures to conceive. And I wasn't ever one of those women who gets all gooey over babies. Puppies and kittens, sure. Babies -- meh.

How my daughter has changed me. Now I, too, am one of "those" women who smile knowingly at pregnant ladies. It's a bittersweet smile: they are about to enter a phase of life that I lived through once, but will never experience again. When I was expecting, everyone told me "Enjoy it; it goes so quickly."

I remember thinking how stupid that advice was. I've been on this planet for over 30 years. I think I know how fast time moves.


C. at 4 1/2. She's twice that now...

I didn't have a clue. So many things have gone in the blink of an eye. I can't remember the last time I dressed her. Or the last time I bathed her. Or washed her hair. She does all those things on her own now. I wish I had some way of knowing when the "last" of something was happening. Perhaps I'd savor it more thoroughly before losing it forever.

Though I can't stop time (truth be told, I doubt I'd really want to), sometimes I'd like to take a page from Alan Lightman's wonderful Einstein's Dreams and freeze time to move more slowly at critical moments. I never knew, for instance, that the last time my daughter crawled to get someplace would be The Last Time She Crawled. One day, the crawling was no more; the dance had begun.

I am grateful for every day I get to hear her music and watch her move to the beat of her very own drum. She is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

On the 7th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 7 Hens A-Laying

2011-12-20T12:35:00.001-05:00

"On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
7 hens a-laying
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

Few simple things cause me to be more grateful than my chickens. Yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds. Bear with me here...

I am not Poultry Woman. I generally prefer my animals furry to feathered. My chickens (as opposed to the horses, dogs, cats, & indoor birds) are not members of my family. They get fed and watered every day and locked up at night. Other than that, they have free range of the farm. So it's not them, exactly, for which I am grateful. It is their eggs -- those portable pockets of gold -- that have me singing their praises all year round.

I love to cook and to bake. I enjoy food from all regions of the world and (I daresay) I make a very passable cook. But whenever someone raves over my baked goods, or my egg drop soup, or my custards, I know that the real kudos belong to my feathered friends taking dust baths beside the barn.

"Born free...!"

I've had people ask for recipes and then accuse me of holding out on them. "It doesn't taste the same as yours!" I blame inferior eggs on their part instead of any malice aforethought on mine.

I know city people (my BFF's Mother-in-Law is Exhibit A) who refuse to eat farm-fresh eggs because "they came directly from the chickens." Which makes no sense to me. These are the same people who literally think milk comes in a plastic jug and steak comes in styrofoam trays. They exist in deliberate, willful ignorance. And I can't help but feel sorry for how much they are missing out on.

In the summer, between the chickens and ducks, we have more eggs than we can eat. I give away the surplus to friends who quickly become used to foods tasting and looking better. When winter comes, and the surplus is gone, my friends bemoan the necessity of storebought eggs. I share their pain.

The last time I bought eggs in a store is the last time I'll ever buy eggs in a store. The entire family noticed a difference in taste, texture, and appearance. My 8 year-old daughter started a trend that the whole family soon followed when she asked "what is that?" and refused to eat the barely-yellow yolk and rubberized white of a fried egg from the store.

We are spoiled. We freely admit it. Because of my chickens, I really believe my food tastes better and is more nutritious. And every time I search for eggs (one MilleFleur hen is notorious for hiding her nests), clean the chicken coop, collect eggs, or crack one open, I am grateful.

On the 6th Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me: 6 Cats a-Sleeping

2011-12-19T05:30:00.001-05:00

"On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
6 cats a-sleeping,
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

As I continue to cultivate intentional gratitude for the things that fill my life, I cannot overlook the Cats of Hendrickson House. Of which there are 6: 4 indoors and 2 in the barn.

I love all animals, but if push came to shove and I had to choose, I'm a Dog Person at heart. I've always had both cats and dogs. The dogs were my friends. My companions. My best buds. The cats were... cushion warmers. My daughter, however, is a Cat Lady. Because of her, I have come to appreciate the un-dog-ness of our cats.

All of our indoor cats became house dwellers out of necessity:

Patches came inside because it was so fr%^#king cold out when we got her spayed (no, we didn't think that one through very well, but we wanted to avoid the inevitable Spring Litter) that I couldn't in good conscience leave her to recuperate in the barn.

Hercule came in to heal from our neighbor shooting him in both the front and hind leg. He survived a shattered femur and lost a toe, but his ordeal didn't blunt his affection for humans. He's a love (and my favorite). Named for Agatha Christie's detective Poirot, because of his "little moustaches," Hercule is a tuxedo cat whose favorite perch is atop anyone's shoulders. When he lived in the barn, apres shooting incident, he would often be my shoulder stole while I did chores.

Cuddles, a 15-pound Russian Blue, was one of a litter of five 2-week old kittens some moron threw on our burn pile while we were at church. We bottle-fed them all. Three lived. We found homes for two of them, but Cuddles remains.

And then there's Night Owl, a tortie with twice the normal number of toes. Her mitts are so big, she'd probably gladly offer Hercule one of her spares. She was my daughter's favorite in a litter of barn kittens we took in to be spayed and neutered last year about this time. I got a call from the vet with the news that one of the kittens had a serious heart murmur. She probably wouldn't survive the surgery. She definitely wouldn't survive pregnancy.

So Night Owl came to live inside. She's made it one year. She's in no obvious duress. In all likelihood, she'll live several more.

The barn cats are Maddie and Othello. They should keep the barn mouse-free. However, they've failed to read that memo. Their favorite pastimes are sleeping in the hay and eating (and, in Maddie's case, chasing other cats away. She's quite the Queen Bee.)

All of our cats spend the vast majority of their time sleeping. It's their raison d'etre. It's why they were put on the planet. They can, and do, sleep everywhere: on the beds, on the dirty laundry, on the clean laundry (bonus points if its still warm from the dryer), on windowsills, and in the bathroom sink. They have raised sleeping to an art form.

Jane Pauley has famously said, “You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense.”

Jules Champfleury mused, "A little drowsing cat is an image of perfect beatitude."

And Saki poetically posits: "[The Cat] seems the incarnation of everything soft and silky and velvety, without a sharp edge in his composition, a dreamer whose philosophy is sleep and let sleep."

There is something about the way a cat takes to sleeping that begs for me to take note. I ask myself, "Is there anything in my life that I enjoy that much?" I honestly don't know the answer. But until I find out, I am grateful to my cats for showing me that it is possible to have a wholehearted appreciation of one of life's simple pleasures.

On the 5th Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me: 5 More Minutes

2011-12-18T12:34:00.003-05:00

"On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
5 More Minutes!
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

No list itemizing the things for which I am grateful this Christmas season would be complete without singing the praises of my husband of 23 years.

Robert, whom I generally refer to here and on Twitter as "WunderGuy," is (in a word) amazing.

We've spent more of our life together than apart. In all our time together, he's never picked a fight, criticized my opinions, or refused to listen to me. He's not a "Yes Man" by any stretch of the imagination. He has his own thoughts and theories. But he's also capable of listening to opposing viewpoints without getting defensive or resorting to underhanded arguments.

I see so many (too many) married couples who no longer respect each other. For some, it seems that they go out of their way to belittle their partner and cut him or her down. I am so grateful for my husband's continued support and friendship.

Robert and I met during Freshman orientation at our university via a prank phone call I made. (True story.) Our first conversation lasted for 2 hours -- into the wee hours of the morning. Shortly afterward, I dumped my then-boyfriend to go out with Robert, who was just so darn sweet and cute. (Yes, I know; teenage girls are so fickle. Guilty.) I had every intention of dumping the new guy when someone better appeared. I had no way of knowing then that no one "better" would ever even be a blip on the radar.

We have precious little in common. I'm a country girl at heart. He's more of a townie. I'm at my best when surrounded by fuzzy animal bodies. He doesn't require a dog, cat or horse to make him happy. I'm a night owl. He's SUCH a morning person. I love being outside. He was perfectly content to be a fluorescent-light-lit cube dweller for years.

But we share the same ear for music, eye for movies, and heart for humor. Over the years, an entire sub-language has evolved between us comprised entirely of book and movie quotes that have become our own personal in-jokes. Only when others comment that they can't understand us do we realize how often we lapse into the We-Speak.

Perhaps nothing more aptly illustrates my gratefulness for Robert the WunderGuy than our current early-morning routine.

When school started this year, I'd set the alarm so I had time to get up, get C up, let the dogs out, do outside chores, shower, make lunches, and get out the door on time. Within a few weeks of the routine, Robert started getting up when the alarm went off. He takes care of the dogs and makes C's lunch so I can hit the snooze button one time and get five more blessed minutes of sleep. This may sound like a little thing to some people. But to this non-morning person, it is huge! Every morning, it makes me appreciate him a little more...

What are you grateful for that others might find trivial, but to you is immense?

The Fourth Day of Christmas: Gratitude for Calm Horses

2011-12-17T06:05:00.002-05:00

"On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
4 calm equines,
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

As my revamping of the 12 Days of Christmas continues, I can't pass up an opportunity to voice my gratitude for my four horses.

Theo: My Big Buddy.

Specifically: I am exceedingly grateful for their well-trained calm.

Too often, upon discovering that I have horses, that I train them, or that I've written horse-themed books, someone will say, "Oh. I had horses once." (Occasionally, this sentence is modified to "I rode a horse once.") What follows inevitably is a tale of destruction, woe, and a near-death experience.

"It didn't want to leave the barn, see, 'cause that's where its friends were. We tried to take it out on the trail, but it took off for home. It ran about 56 miles an hour through an orchard. I held on for as long as I could, but..."

OR

"He'd been a racehorse, see, so it didn't have any steering or brakes. Once I was riding it. My two little sisters and me were bareback on it. And the neighbor's dog came out and spooked it. It took off hell-bent for Sunday. We hung on as long as we could, but..."

The people who tell such tales come in all shapes, sizes and colors, but their stories are astoundingly similar. I always feel sorry for their lack of quality horse experience.

For me, the best part of having a horse is the relationship we have. I love walking out to the pasture and having a creature that weighs over a ton see me, leave his grass smorgasbord without a backward glance and come thundering up so I can scritch him.

Today, we have four fabulously Zen equines:

There are the two Percherons, Theo and Lily.

Hannah, the Quarter Horse / Paint, is my daughter's mare -- an honest babysitter if ever there was one.

And then there's butterball Birdie, a Welsh-something pony who rides and drives, and whose favorite place to be is in your pocket, looking for treats.

They're not deadheads -- far from it. All of them can get up and go far faster than I can move. But the wonderful thing is that when they choose to move, they do so as willing partners instead of trying to get away from me.

My horses are an integral part of my life. Their beauty, grace, strength, and trust provides me with a source of constant wonder. Every time I look out the window, my heart overflows with gratitude.

On the Third Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me: 3 Fuzzy Dogs

2011-12-16T06:10:00.011-05:00

"On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
3 fuzzy dogs,
2 flightless birds,
and an old farm in the country."

My dogs are members of my family. There's Type A Kestrel, who if she were a horse would be a warmblood -- leggy, athletic, with legendary endurance. After we lost our English Mastiff to systemic lymphoma, Kestrel crawled into my lap at the Humane Society, stared into my eyes and refused to budge.

"My person left me here," she said more clearly than audible words. "I have no idea why, but I'm expecting you to remedy the situation."

She came home with us before the ink on the paperwork was dry. Shortly after adopting her, I came down with Swine Flu (which sounds a lot funnier than it really is), then participated in the I-Can't-Believe-I'm-Actually-Crazy-Enough-To-Do-This 3-Day Novel Contest. The new dog and I literally spent an entire week of concentrated time together. This resulted in significant separation anxiety on her part when I was attempting to sleep for the first time in days.

Kestrel's not really into sleeping. She is the kind of dog who sleeps with one eye open. It's difficult to get a picture of her really gone. Only once have I been successful:

Usually, however, I end up with something like this:

River, the unfortunate example of what happens with an pit bull gets intimate with a Shar-Pei, has no such compunction. She's like a racing Quarter Horse: all the energy in the universe crammed into a compact brown-brindle body. She expends it in a primal burst -- POW!! Then she's done. She's either "ON," obsessively playing with her Jolly Ball (see video below), or "OFF" (see photo above).

And last, but in no way least, there's Barkley. The only male. The only purebred. The only dog who outweighs me. The only laid-back, Type B Zen-master. Barkley has mastered the art of living in the moment. His role in life is to hold the floor down and act as a back door draft deterrent. He does these jobs well.

Barkley loves all creatures great and small. He's not nearly as fond of laying in front of the fireplace as Kestrel and River. Instead, he prefers to park himself in front of the Magic Box that displays moving pictures accompanied by realistic sounds. He's quite myopic and we speculate on how real he thinks the things inside the TV actually are. In any case, he knows the moment we pop a DVD in and hurries to his spot so he can watch along with us.

These three dearhearts make every day warmer and more wonderful. They are all "rescues." River was an unspayed stray who wandered into a good friend's front yard. Kestrel and Barkley were adopted after being dumped at the Humane Society. Someone else's loss is my inestimable gain.

I often say that my dogs help keep me sane. People laugh as if I've made a joke, but I fear I'm far more serious than they suspect. Every day, my dogs provide me with the priceless gifts of genuine enthusiasm, adoration, and unvarnished love. I am forever in their debt.

On the Second Day of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me: 2 Flightless Birds

2011-12-15T06:30:00.001-05:00

"On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
2 flightless birds
and an old farm in the country."

As I continue my revamping of the 12 Days of Christmas lyrics to make them more meaningful to me, I can't help but consider the two inhabitants of the cages that dominate the dining room.

Gatsby: Ringer of the Dingie-Bell

Gatsby is a Quaker parrot that we acquired from a friend who owns an eldercare home. Gatsby's owner died about a year after we lost our beloved Quaker Valentino. So we all figured this would be a match made in heaven -- two bereaved souls finding comfort in each other.

Yeah. No.

No one knows for certain how old Gatsby is or what his original name was. He had developed an unhealthy attraction to a bell in his previous cage, exhibited by stuffing his entire head inside the bell and shaking it violently back and forth. The end result was that he not only wore off all the feathers around his neck, but he so damaged the follicles that the feathers won't grow back. It's been years since the bell has been removed from his cage. He's not a feather-picker. He's a feather-won't-grower.

Quakers have a tendency to prefer one person above all others. In Gatsby's case, all evidence indicates that his preferred person has shuffled off this mortal coil and the rest of humanity Just Doesn't Cut It.

He's irascible, opinionated, and sometimes he's just plain mean. The first year we had him, he'd rather bite your finger than take food from it. (This, happily, has changed. Banana, peanuts, and mango go a long way toward soothing the savage beastie.)

Gatsby lives in an enormous cage intended for a macaw. He patrols his cage and believes that every square millimeter of it requires defending with his life. So why am I grateful for him?

Well, you see, he has his moments. When out of his cage and, therefore, out of "Protect My Domicile" mode, he will occasionally sit on my shoulder for hours without once drawing blood. I cherish the times we can co-exist without the necessity for Band-Aids. Gatsby has taught me that nothing can be 100% rotten all the time.

His vocabulary includes a ton of things we've never taught him, like "Por favor" and "Wake up, little birdie. WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!" I am unspeakably grateful that he was never taught any *ahem* colorful words before we acquired him.

He has an excellent ear for conversation, often joining in with a helpful "OK! Good-bye! Good-bye!" when he thinks I should either A.) get off the phone or B.) kick a guest out the door. When I call or talk to the dogs, he will piggyback on my conversation with a forceful "Good GIRL! Good - good - good!" He is my Word Monitor: a very real, living reminder that the words I say might very well come back to haunt me.

He loves water. The highlight of his day is taking a bath. If the bath doesn't arrive when he thinks it should, he attempts to cram his whole body into his drinking water. Then he laughs hysterically -- an uncanny imitation of me. He has taught me how easy it is to find joy in simple pleasures.

Max and his Special Friend.

The other cage in the dining room is occupied by my daughter's parakeet Max. Max is sweet, timid, soft, and kind. He's the AntiGatsby.

Max's very favorite thing in the world is his mirror. That, you see, is where his Special Friend lives. His Special Friend looks like him. He never tires of Max' s company. And he happily plays Kissy Face as long as Max wants.

Max isn't the brightest, perhaps, but as my daughter pointed out: at least his obsession doesn't result in permanently removing the feathers from any portion of his anatomy.

I'm grateful for Max for entirely different reasons than I am for Gatsby. My daughter wanted her own bird (a bird that wouldn't pierce her ears or disfigure any other part of her), so she carefully saved up her own money for months until she had enough to buy him. During that time, she researched different species, determined she wanted a parakeet, then read every book on parakeets she could find. Because of Max, my daughter now understands the joys of having a goal and making it a reality.

Because of Max, my daughter is daily confronted with the responsibilities that accompany caring for another living creature. Oh, sure, we have a whole assorted menagerie and she's helped with chores from the time she could walk. But Max is different. Max is hers. We wouldn't have him if it weren't for her. I am grateful to Max for teaching my child about important decisions and long-term commitments.

Gatsby and Max can fly -- sort of. Their wings are clipped in such a way that they can get enough loft to evade the dogs, should a Situation arise. But they can't get enough velocity to bash their brains out in our big picture windows.

Being flightless affects each bird differently. Max clings to the humans in the vicinity and hitches rides on them. Gatsby, predictably, takes a sort of perverse pleasure in going out of his way to get where he wants on his own terms. Each one feeds my gratitude. They offer me two very different ways to approach a perceived problem. Sometimes the answer is to enlist the help of someone bigger, tougher, and stronger than I. And sometimes the answer is to suck it up and do what it takes to get where I want.

Tomorrow: The 3rd Day of Christmas Revamped...

Do you have any Gatsby-like challenges for which you are grateful? Share them and we'll commiserate together. :)

"On the First Day of Christmas" Revamping a Carol with Gratitude

2011-12-14T11:49:00.001-05:00

"On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me..."

So begins the Christmas song that reminds me more of "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" than of anything to do with a baby in a manger.

I'm pretty good with the early numbers. It's when I get up to 10, 11, and 12 that I get confused. Is it "10 pipers piping" or "10 drummers drumming?"

Sometimes I feel like Fozzie Bear, forgetting what comes next:

"Ba-dum BOM BOMP!"

This year, in the spirit of thankfulness that the season brings, I'm going to revamp the 12 Days of Christmas with lyrics that more accurately reflect the gifts I've been blessed with and the things that make my life worth living. ('Cause, truth be told, if my True Love gave me a partridge in a pear tree, I wouldn't be singing about it. At least, I wouldn't be warbling a particularly happy song.)

I owe the inspiration, in part, to Kathy at Bliss Habits (@BlissHabits). Her blog is dedicated to the intentional enjoyment and awareness of things that bring us bliss. One of her Bliss Habits is "Gratitude."

Recently, I encountered a question that challenged me:

If you woke up tomorrow with only the things you'd given thanks for today,

what would still be in your life?

I want to be more intentional in my gratitude. I have enough clothes to wear and won't go to bed hungry. I can see, hear, taste, run, create, worship Whomever I want and freely voice my thoughts. For these and many other things, I am grateful.

Perhaps by sharing my 12 Days of Christmas, I can encourage you to come up with your own list of things that bless your life.

So...

"On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
An old farm in the country."

I live in a house that's over 120 years old, situated on 60 soggy acres in southwestern Michigan. Few would consider that anything to sing about. I, however, could compose odes to our home all day long.

My view from the dining room table.

When we started house hunting, we were young and had precious little money. We knew we wanted enough acreage to keep a few horses, and we had to be within driving distance of WunderGuy's work. As a result, we looked at every falling-down fixer-upper within 50 miles. We looked... And looked... And looked.

There was the "Indoor Pool House" with 3 feet of standing water in the basement.

There was the "Gadget House," full of every conceivable amenity from built-in vacuum cleaner and intercom system to convection ovens and warming racks in the kitchen. None of which worked. If WunderGuy had been an electrically-gifted handyman, the house would have been a steal. As it was, we only saw a Money Pit of broken gizmos.

Then there was the "Death House," in which an entire room was painted a dull, dead blue, and a pentagram covered the floor. Mounds of melted candle wax and the dessicated bodies of mice and other hapless creatures completed the decor. Um... no.

We looked for over a year. We despaired of ever finding something we both liked and could afford. Then we looked at an old brownstone farmhouse. As soon as I walked through the front door, I knew that I was home.

Sunrise from my kitchen window.

It needed significant work. Some projects, like needing a kitchen, new windows, and a barn, we knew about when we bought the place. Others -- like needing a new bathroom and furnace -- were unexpected surprises. But it felt like home the first day we moved into it and 20 years later, its hominess has only increased.

I'm grateful for my home. I consider a dry, safe, welcoming place a great blessing. Sure, it's old. Sure, it has about a million and one things that could be done to update it and make it better. Sure, I have friends whose homes are newer, nicer, and less covered with dog hair. But I'd be hard-pressed to find a home with more love in it. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

That's Day 1. Tune in tomorrow for Day 2...

With 12 days left to Christmas, what one thing are you most grateful for?

One Author's Experience With a New Publishing Model: Q & A With Gale Martin

2011-12-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

Today, I welcome as my guest the fabulously talented and charming Gale Martin (@Gale_Martin): cat lover and homemade beef stew doyenne. Gale's novel, "Don Juan in Hankey, PA," has recently been released by Booktrope, a publisher with an unconventional publishing model. She graciously agreed to share her publishing experience with my readers and address some of the most common questions new authors ask about working with new, niche, or small publishers.

Thanks for having me on MuseInks. In 2011, Booktrope, a Seattle-based publishing firm, published my novel with an opera backdrop called DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA. They have a publishing model unlike any I’d ever encountered. For all the authors out there who are shopping or will be shopping books, I’ve put together this little Q&A to help you along in your journey towards publication.

Q. Should wanna-be authors continue to seek traditional publishing outlets for the book?

A: Actually, I do believe in the model embraced by the publishing industry. Find an agent. Have the agent shop the book to us. That’s where I began. I queried about 140 agents, and had a lot of requests, about 15-20 partials and full manuscripts. More than one agent read the whole thing, and then told me they couldn’t represent it. One in particular gushed over it and said, “I just can’t take on any new clients.” That’s when I knew the landscape for fiction writers like me had dramatically changed. It used to be if an agent a) finished your book and b) liked it, you would get an offer of representation.

I would have preferred not to go directly to a publisher. I wanted to have the book agented going into the whole process. However, I believed in the book and didn’t want another finished book sitting on my shelf. I had barely put my toe in the water when I learned about Booktrope Publishing from the Twitter bio of another writer they published. Just like in the Longfellow poem, “I shot an arrow into the air,” I shot a query off to Booktrope in March of 2011, with no expectations for success. Booktrope offered to publish my book in July with an email that said, “If this book is still available, we’d very much like to publish your book. We really like it.” After doing more research, I was favorably disposed to consider their offer.

Key takeaway: Keep your eyes open to new publishers and new models of doing things. Look where other debut authors are being published. People are dying to talk about their publishing experiences on Twitter. Make sure you plug in once-in-a-while.

Q. Might a publisher like Booktrope be the right one for me?

A: One of the things that attracted me most was that Booktrope had expertise in digital publishing. Though I had only read one or two e-books in my lifetime when I contracted with them, I’d been reading so much about how e-books are becoming more and more of the book buying market, that they are the way of the future.

By July of 2011, I had almost 1,000 followers on Twitter and had more than 50,000 visits to my Operatoonity blog. Operagoers and opera lovers would comprise a target audience for the book, yet the opera-loving community is international. It may be a small group compared to even the audience of musical theater lovers, but it certainly is an international group.

And operagoers were online in droves--if Roberto Alagna sang in Berlin last week but is performing in New York this week, operagoers across the globe are dying to compare notes—and now they can, thanks to social media. At the same time I was hoping to dip my toe into the arena of digital publishing. Because Booktrope also published print copies and I hadn’t yet figured out how to sign an e-book at a book signing, that made them a better fit for me, than just a e-publisher.

Key takeaway: While small presses continue to publish quality offerings, investigate whether they will publish your book digitally, in versions for the popular e-readers. It may not be your preferred avenue of publication, but it absolutely is essential for capturing a larger readership—a global readership.

Q: How involved do I need to be to market my own book? Won’t the publisher do most of it?

A: Even if you are published by a Big Six press, there are expectations that after their marketing effort is completed, that you must pick up the mantle of promoting your book. Their marketing team must move on to the next client, after all.

Booktrope ‘s model is unlike any I’ve ever seen. After they accept your book for publication, you become part of a creative management team that includes an editor, a designer, a book marketing manager, and in my case, the publisher, though I understand Booktrope just added a position to help the publisher so he can take on more books. Your marketing manager and, in fact, the publisher help you plan and then roll out online and in-person marketing events from a marketing plan they devise.

We have had editorial, publishing, and marketing meetings via Skype. In my case, the book marketing manager prepares and sends out news releases and make contacts for author events. The publisher sends out review copies (print and electronic) and places ads in online venues such as Kindle Nation and Facebook.

The publisher, Ken Shear, is like a coach, encouraging you to send e-invites to build attendance at your on-ground events or to get more Amazon reviews. He doesn’t believe authors should have to wait two years until they see their books in print. The book marketing manager works with me for the life of the contract—five years—so she’s incented to help you sell your book long after it is launched.

Key takeaway: Whether you go with a small press or a conventional publisher, you must be prepared to market your work. However, if your work with a small press, you are in a better position if you find someone like Booktrope, who provides a level of marketing support over the life of your contract.

Q. What advice do you have for writers who want to get their book out to the public?

The big six publishers have a time-honored published model that has worked for centuries and that has yielded the world’s greatest literature. However, many in the conventional publishing world and everyone along the supply chain of the publishing industry hasn’t kept pace with technology to the extent they probably should have. There are still plenty of agents who only accept snail mailed queries and don’t have a decent website. Publishers have been the "gatekeepers" to ensure a certain level of quality. But they aren’t the only ones who do that anymore.

Companies like Booktrope also believe in the benefits of gatekeeping. But instead of having an editor, a proofreader, and a designer in house, they use freelancers who elect to work on an author’s book if they believe in the work. I just read a statistic that the sales of e-books have outpaced printed books for the first time this year at Amazon. This kind of data must have people in the conventional industry scratching their heads and squirming in their seats. And I love books—books that you can hold in your hands. But not to appreciate or anticipate the impact of e-books is just plain short-sighted.

Small presses need to consider how to reach digital audiences more than they are. And self-publishing is just a big morass where authors and their titles get lost and largely where authors and their money get taken. Oh sure, every once in a while, one lucky self-published soul hits it big. But self-publishing, even in you call it indie publishing, is still a crapshoot. And often crappy writing.

Key takeaway: As conventional publishing gets harder and harder to crack for debut novelists destined for the midlist, look for outfits like Booktrope. Except right now, there might be only one Booktrope.

I encourage you to visit Gale's website and connect with her on Twitter. She's a valued addition to my online writing friends -- and I suspect she'll be the same for you.

Words of Writerly Wisdom: The Search for Inspiration Continues

2011-11-30T00:01:00.001-05:00

I love reading blogs about writing.

(Reading food blogs is also a favorite activity. Which explains the crumbs on my kkkeyboard that occasionally cause the "kk" kkkkey to stickkkk. But I digress.)

I enjoy the blogs that offer tips and suggestions for writing better. Or cleaner. Or clearer. Or faster. They help me add to my writer's toolbox and improve my craft.

I adore blogs that cheerlead and encourage other writers. They form a vital, global support system that shines through our laptops and illuminates the recesses of our solitary writing dens. These blogs celebrate successes. They applaud milestones. They w00t and hoot-n-holler over things like achieving word count, solving plot problems, and landing publishing contracts. They reach out to other writers. They enable us to realize that we are not alone.

Photo by Lisa Solonynko.

I am grateful for the blogs of agents, editors, and publishers. These act as spotlights and spyglasses into the weird, wonderful world of publishing. Because of them, I can readily discover my agent of choice's query letter preferences. I can stay up-to-date on the vagaries of Penguin, Amazon, Barnes & Noble and British tabloid law. I can sympathize with the overqualified, underpaid intern wading through the slush pile. I can (and do) lurkk, listen, and learn.

Photo by Mark Miller.

Finally, I appreciate the blogs that use humor to illustrate the strange subculture we writers inhabit. Because, really, who in their right mind chooses a career that is so difficult to wriggle one's way into and that carries so little clout?

Q: How does a manuscript get published?
A: Someone forgets to say "No."

Writing blogs inspire me. They provide hours of entertainment, allowing me to rationalize that I'm not really procrastinating. Honest! I'm... uh... doing research. Yeah.

Write to Done is currently hosting their 6th Annual Top 10 Blogs for Writers Contest. Do you have a favorite writing blog -- one that consistently enriches your writing life? Mention it below. Linkkkk to it, if you wish. I'd love to checkkk it out. Then, once you've finished your practice run, go to Write to Done's contest and make your nomination. (Only 1 nomination per person counts at Write to Done. I, however, don't care how many writing blogs you wish to name.) It's easy:

1.) Go to Write to Done's Writer's Blog Contest and tell them your favorite writer's blog in the comments.

2.) Include the web address of the blog you nominate. (http://museinks.blogspot.com for example. Just sayin'.)

3.) Tell them why your chosen blog is so fabulous. (Hint: "She promised me Heath Bars if she wins" is probably *not* going to help your favorite place well in the polls...)

4.) Do it now. Or at least before December 10, 2011. That's when contest entries close.

A poem to commemorate the occasion (ahem):

Go spread the wisdom
And the holiday cheer.
What's your favorite writing blog?
Tell the world here.

Discover a New Author & Everyone Wins!

2011-11-28T14:55:00.000-05:00

Regular readers know that I do not shill for stuff on my blog. I'm not into hard sales and I don't shout "BUY THIS!" - even for my own books. However, I am all about encouraging writers. And I know how difficult it can be for new writers to find readers. So when I heard about the blog tour & contest Shannon Mayer was organizing for four newly published authors, I signed on. Here's a great opportunity to get acquainted with the work of some new writers. And you never know: you might win big!

(NOTE: I'm not receiving any remuneration for being part of the blog tour. However, the blog with the most comments on it receives a little sumpthin'-sumpthin. So... you know... Chime in below. Tell me your thoughts on such blog tour / book launches. Or better yet: tell me what book you want Santa to stuff in your Christmas stocking!)

Support Four Debut Authors and Snag $125!
Four books
Two Days
Great Prizes

With this contest, there is something for everyone and it’s SO simple to be in on the winning!

On November 28 and/or 29, purchase 1 or all 4 of the debut author’s books listed here. Then forward proof of purchase (the receipt Amazon sends you will do just fine) to : motionsrider @ yahoo . ca and get up to 4 entries into a drawing for a $100 Amazon gift card!

It’s that easy, no reviews, no hoops to jump through. Just a great .99 book or two. Or three or four. AND, if the person who wins the $100 Amazon Gift Card has purchased all 4 books, an additional $25 Amazon Gift Card will be awarded to the winner!

On top of that, 2 random commenters picked from 2 of our participating blogs will receive $5 gift Amazon gift cards . So, be sure to leave a comment and let us know what you think of the promo, the books, or the authors.

Winners will be chosen randomly, one entry per person, per book.
All winners will be announced on December 7th on Wringing Out Words (http://shannonmayer.blogspot.com)

“Between” by Cyndi Tefft (@cynditefft)

It just figures that the love of Lindsey Water's life isn't alive at all, but the grim reaper, complete with a dimpled smile, and Scottish accent.   After transporting souls to heaven for the last 300 years, Aiden MacRae has all but given up on finding the one whose love will redeem him and allow him entry through the pearly gates.   Torn between her growing attraction to Aiden and heaven's siren song, Lindsey must learn the hard way whether love really can transcend all boundaries.

“Until Dawn: Last Light” by Jennifer Simas

When darkness falls, whose side will you be on?  

For the past six years, Zoë has been anything but “normal.” Struggling to accept her immortality and thrown into a war that’s been waging in the shadows for over a thousand years, Zoë must now become who she was meant to be, joining the other Chosen to save what’s left of humanity. When the endless night falls over the Earth, will she be able to save the one man who reminds her of what it is to be human, or will it be too late?  

Until Dawn: Last Light is a story of death and despair, love and longing, hope and hopelessness, and the ability to survive and keep going even when it seems impossible – when you want nothing more than to give up.

“The Kayson Cycle” by Jonathan D. Allen (@crimnos)

A stranger enters a dying town and makes a desperate plea…  

The Kayson Cycle introduces the Kayson Brothers, a pair of faith healers who once wowed crowds in a traveling show but went their separate ways after a night in which a healing took a dark turn. Jeffrey Kayson disappeared into the wilderness and William Kayson, wracked by guilt, moved to the failing mining town of Calico Hills to build a nice, quiet life – one that has lasted for over ten years.   His quiet, predictable life crumbles when a mysterious stranger walks into his tavern bearing a proposal to find his long-lost brother and do the one thing that William has sworn to never do again - have his brother heal a woman. William soon learns that he can’t escape his family – or his destiny.

Includes an exclusive sample chapter of The Corridors of the Dead. Please note that this is a Kindle Single, and around 6,000 words in length.

“Sundered” by Shannon Mayer (@queryaddict)

A miracle drug, Nevermore, spreads like wildfire throughout the world allowing people to eat what they want, and still lose weight. It is everything the human population has ever dreamed of and Mara is no different. Only a simple twist of fate stops her from taking Nevermore.

As the weeks roll by, it becomes apparent that Nevermore is not the miracle it claimed. A true to life nightmare, the drug steals the very essence that makes up humanity and unleashes a new and deadly species on the world that is bent on filling its belly. Locked down within their small farm home, Mara and her husband Sebastian struggle against increasingly bad odds, fighting off marauders and monsters alike.   But Sebastian carries a dark secret, one that more than threatens to tear them apart, it threatens to destroy them both and the love they have for each other.   Now Mara must make the ultimate choice. Will she live for love, or will she live to survive?

The Structured Life: Thoughts On Adapting Reality for Entertainment

2011-11-22T16:16:00.000-05:00

The past two weeks have been a sleep-deprived blur of script rewrites with my fabulous co-writer (and soon-to-be-famous director) Paul. We've been hard at work tearing apart our script and building a brighter, better story from the rubble.

Are you not entertained?

This entire project has been a learning experience. You see: it's a biopic. Which means it is based on a real someone's Real Life. And in Real Life, this someone experienced some Real Crap. Loads of it. Years of it. What makes the story so compelling is how one man was able to rise above the crap, overcome its stranglehold on him, and go on to lead a full, productive life.

Both Paul and I are fans of "Save the Cat." Our original script followed STC structure. But in it, too much Real Life grabbed the reader by the throat. It was just too dang depressing.

"The problem," we kept reminding ourselves, "is that people don't live their lives by Save the Cat story beats."

On the surface, our task was simple. Just make the movie more uplifting. Less of a downer. You know: something people can eat popcorn to.

However, our subject was a man who went from a world-famous athlete to seriously injured drug addict. His battle with addiction had originally been the crux of our story. But there's precious little one can do to make Real Life addiction and recovery fun.

False high? False low? Regardless,
the Midpoint is a Point of No Return.
Photo by mxruben

Our original midpoint of the film was the accident that sent our hero down the whirling vortex of injury and addiction. From a structure standpoint, it worked and it worked well. From an entertainment perspective, however, it became the tentpole for gloom, doom, and misery.

What finally helped us was approaching our story armed with only general structure and story beats. According to STC, the midpoint should either be a "false high" or a "false low." We decided that the accident would happen much later in the second act. Then we made a list of every major high or low in our hero's life and tried each one out as a midpoint.

It was amazing how quickly we realized that by moving the Terrible Accident much later in the story, we freed ourselves up to focus more on the ups and downs, the highs and lows of being a professional athlete. Suddenly, what had been a "one man overcomes drug addiction" story became a powerful sports biopic, complete with a "will he win or won't he?" duel in the second half.

We didn't eliminate the Terrible Accident. Far from it. It's a critical part of the story. But it's no longer THE story. Now the story is more about willingly throwing oneself at life, regardless of the odds of winning. It's much more engaging and entertaining. It gives the audience something to root for. And though the script doesn't gloss over the dark stuff, it doesn't wallow in darkness either.

If you're writing fiction, the story beats are largely up to you. You can massage the plot and make it your minion. That's easier said than done, however, if you're in the process of adapting non-fiction. Still, there is no reason to abandon solid structure. Knowing your beats and your reasons for them will only make the story stronger.

Some Suggestions for Adapting Reality for Entertainment
[An overly simplified look at structure]:

1.) Know your hero's everyday reality. (Set-Up).
2.) Know what makes your hero exceptional. Know what your hero wants (Catalyst & Theme).
3.) Show your hero dealing with the naysayers who try to hold him back (Debate).
4.) Know what bumps your hero out of his normal world (Break into Two).
5.) Show your hero learning the ropes of his new life (Fun and Games).
6.) Know the Moment at which everything changes & life is never again the same (Midpoint).
7.) Show your hero struggling to regain his earlier momentum. Increase the odds against him (Bad Guys Close In).
8.) Show your hero's darkest hour: where even the hero thinks he's failed (All is Lost).
9.) Show your hero discovering hidden reserves. Armed with this new strength, he charges back into action (Break into Three).
10.) Explore all the ways your hero draws upon his new-found skills to overcome his problems (Finale).

When working with Real Life, the overall "what happened" is a given. If the story has merit, you shouldn't have to take liberties with it to make it compelling. But sometimes the extras of Real Life -- the C and D and Y and Z story lines -- can obscure the core story. That's when overlaying an overly simplified view of structure atop what really happened can help you chart a course for a story that's as interesting and engaging to your audience as it is true to your subject.

Write What You (Used To) Know: Reclaiming Your Inner Child

2011-11-14T06:07:00.007-05:00

I'm happy to welcome back guest blogger Melissa Boone. Melissa wrote the "Don't Give Up!" guest post earlier this month. She owns her own business but her true passion is writing. Her children's ebook, Goat Cheese Grilled Cheese, is available for Kindle. Her second book, Paranormal Encounters was recently released via Amazon.com.

Melissa loves still photography; her pictures can be purchased at www.NaturesOutdoorPhotography.com. She has been "married to the same wonderful man for the past 24 years and have 5 children and will soon be a grandmother." Melissa and I have been discussing the things that motivate us and keep us writing. I like her simple approach to inspiration. Thanks, Melissa, for letting me share this with my readers!

It doesn't get any more simple than this:

Write about what you know.

I've always loved writing children's books but too many times I found myself trying to use my much damaged imagination. Really, I think once we get to a certain age the ability (at least for most of us) to conjure up our imaginary friends or just making up a good story lessens. The ability to think like a child is lost.

Even when I try to play dolls with my daughters or trucks with my boys I just can't do it. It's not because I think it's silly (or is it?); I just don't know how to "play" anymore.

It's sad in a way because I remember as a child how much fun it was to do those sort of things but as I get older things become more practical and realistic. I don't think the boys would appreciate me playing cars and showing my "road rage" skills, or playing dolls with the girls and letting my not-so-nice adult social abilities slip out. No, I'm not an angry person; really. It's just part of growing up, dealing with people not only on the roads but everyday life is not always easy.

So, you ask, how can I write children's books?

Well, I learn from my children, that's how. The two books I've written so far have been about my eight- year old daughter. What better example to use for a children's book than a child?

Our children are more of an inspiration to us than we give them credit for most of the time (ok: all the time). We as parents think it's our full time job to always teach our children but when you stop and think about it, they are also teaching us each day.

If you are struggling with what to write about, look around you. Even if you don't have children, just take a look. If you have nieces, nephews, or grandchildren let them inspire you. It's only takes one small thing to create a novel. My daughter's love for grilled cheese is what inspired my first book and her love for puppies has inspired my next book soon to be released. Let your imagination flow as best it can and let the kids do the rest. Before you know it, you will be typing the last few words of one book and will already have ideas for the next.

Happy hunting and keep an open mind.....

You Might Be a Writer If...

2011-11-11T10:05:00.010-05:00

... you consider a trip to the ER a great opportunity for taking notes on proper medical procedure.

... you have at least one friend who is convinced that everything you write is autobiographical.

... some of your best friends are fictitious.

... you never get bored in church or committee meetings because you're too busy people-watching.

... you've been known to transcribe the conversations of total strangers because you liked the authenticity of their voices.

... you can spend 5 hours on your work in progress with only a single paragraph to show for it.

... you feel guilty for taking a break for lunch if your characters are in danger.

... your entire plot hinges upon notes scribbled on the back of an envelope.

Photo by Jane M. Sawyer, courtesy of MorgueFile.com

... you've ever called your own phone number so you could dictate plot points to your voice mail.

... every room in the house, including the basement and the bathroom, has a supply of note paper and pens.

... you plan Thanksgiving dinner so it doesn't interfere with your NaNoWriMo word count.

... you do not fear the blank page; you embrace it for it holds endless possibilities.

Don't Give Up!

2011-11-01T06:26:00.001-04:00

Today, I welcome author Melissa Boone. Melissa owns her own business but her true passion is writing. Her children's ebook, Goat Cheese Grilled Cheese, is available for Kindle. Her second book, Paranormal Encounters will soon be released via Amazon.com.

Melissa loves still photography; her pictures can be purchased at www.NaturesOutdoorPhotography.com. She had been "married to the same wonderful man for the past 24 years and have 5 children and will soon be a grandmother." Thanks, Melissa, for this inspiring post!

If there is any advice you are willing to accept, I hope this is it: don’t give up.

Anything worth doing and doing right is not going to happen over night or in a moment's notice. Okay, you may write the novel of the year over night or in a moment's notice but is it going to be a best seller or movie of the year that same day or the next? Highly unlikely. Would we like it to? You bet. But in all reality, for this to happen you would have to be related to Stephen King or Steven Spielberg.

Now let’s be honest with ourselves. You put together the best book you think that’s out there and then what?

That, my friend, is the question.

Where do you even begin? Maybe send out a query or two, make a couple of phone calls and tell your friends but where is that going to get you? Not far enough.

Be ready when opportunity knocks!

I have been trying to get published (other than the local newspaper) for fifteen years. Yes, at first I would mail out queries by the dozen and if I didn’t hear anything for a couple of weeks I gave up. I would do this on and off for years. I even changed my writing style (big mistake) and strayed off of what I enjoyed writing because I thought what I was writing was not good enough. But I was wrong and impatient.

Again, don’t give up. Keep pushing your idea; don’t stop spreading the word of what you’ve accomplished. Yes, writing the book is an accomplishment. It’s the first step, and you just need to keep pressing forward. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would become published but in the end I followed my own advice and never gave up.

You don’t know what opportunity will come knocking on your door and be The One. This is why you can not stop pursuing your dream.

Everyone’s open door is different but mine was stepping out of my unsocial shell and attending a seminar led by Ami Hendrickson. Because of her telling me (and the rest of the class) that if I put my book information as a signature in my email, found another outlet via the internet (like a blog) and would just be more vocal about who I am and what I’m doing, I would find myself farther than the day before.

I did.

And by doing the three things I just mentioned, I was offered a book signing and a radio interview as soon as my book is available. Now I can’t say this happens this quickly for everyone but I will say the more you are willing to promote yourself and be willing to talk about what you are trying to accomplish, whether it’s a book, an article or some other type of writing project, the sooner you will see results.

I am now an author (yay!) of one ebook as well as a soon-to-be-released paperback, with another in the works. Now I have the know how and the confidence to know I’m able to accomplish what I so desire.

If you can only do one thing today do this; find a mirror, look at it, look at yourself and say, "Don’t Give Up!"

No Trick! My Treat: Free #Dog Ebook for Kids

2011-10-27T15:14:00.001-04:00

Today, my blog is going to the dogs.

In a wild departure from the norm, I'm not going to talk about writing at all. I'm going to yammer on about the dogs that make my life worthwhile. To thank you, dear reader, for this indulgence, I'm giving away copies of "Wilson the Dalmatian: Victorian Carriage Dog," my new ebook for kids in grades 3 - 5. Feel free to skip the part where I talk about my dogs and jump straight to the end where the "Free EBook" part is. I won't mind.

I'm only half joking when I say my dogs are my muses. Their quiet energy (they sleep most of the time while I'm writing) and their tangible warmth (at any given time, at least one of them is laying on my feet) stokes the creative coals. I create better, plot better, and write better when they are around.

And if, perchance, the Muse should prescribe a nap -- you know, for story purposes -- well, they're more than happy to crawl up on the couch with me for a little snooze.

WunderGuy & I & our first 2 Dals.

When WunderGuy and I were first married, we lived in a house that had the approximate square footage of a midsize Buick. No dogs allowed. I found a way to get a horse, which I kept at the neighboring farm across the street. I found a way to get a cat. (It followed me home and I kept it. Ssshhh!) But a dog was verboten. I believe my desire for a dog was one of the fundamental reasons we bought our own place. That and wanting a living room larger than a postage stamp.

We had Dalmatians for years. Our first was a 4-year old one that needed re-homed NOW! Within a few months of getting him, we also had a Dal puppy whose first owners had quickly realized they were not equipped to raise anything that wasn't stuffed.

In addition to our Dals, we acquired a lovely, beautifully bred, show-quality Whippet whose owner died and whose inheriting people gave him to us when we attended the estate sale. Oh, he was lovely! His favorite place to sleep was on his back in the bathtub, with all four legs waving in the air.

Our daughter at 11 months & Bogie at 13 years.

For years the back door to our house didn't have a lock. (We live in the country. Door locks are optional.) For years, it didn't need one. We had something better: we had Barney.

Barney was a full-grown Akita when we got him. He'd lost his family to divorce. His original owner was a fireman who worked 36-hour shifts. He didn't think it was right to leave the dog alone for days, so he came to our place.

Barney was a gentle giant. He weighed well over 120 pounds in his prime. I had never owned a Northern breed before. I was used to dogs that would actually pay attention to me when I called their names. Not Barney. He was very much his own dog. For the first 3 weeks we had him, I thought he was deaf.

Somehow, we ended up on a Dalmatian rescue list and for years we'd get calls about every spotted dog within 50 miles that needed a home. Our final Dal was Digory, a special needs case. We had 3 dogs at the time, but got a phone call from our vet the day before Thanksgiving that went something like this:

Vet: I've got a stray Dalmatian pup here about 6 months old. Found in a ditch. The person who found him thought he was dead. He's not. Yet. Animal Aid [a local rescue agency] will pay for his vet care, but he needs a home with someone who knows these dogs. Will you take him if he lives?

Me: Uh... N--

Vet: He's a rack of bones. At least 70% underweight, with a bad case of heartworm and road rash. I don't think he's going to live. But if he does--?

And that's how we got Digory. He spent weeks in the vet's office before he could come home. He was a good boy, but had deep seated aggression issues toward other animals. He was fine with the dogs and cats we had when he came, but we were never able to successfully introduce other animals afterward.

Digory lived 12 years. By then, we had a child. I thought "Dalmatians have so much energy. I'm not sure I'm up to handling both a kid and another Dal..."

So, in our infinite wisdom, we acquired a stray part-Pit who showed up at a friend's house. Pits, we discovered, have all the energy of Dalmatians, just without the spots.

River the WunderPit is a lovely 50 lb., brown brindle bundle of energy who never met a plushy squeaky toy she didn't disembowel. She's obsessive to the point of self-destruction. She can play soccer with a horse toy - literally - for hours, and sometimes must have the ball taken away in order to rediscover her brain.

I contend that River was the inspiration for Toothless the Dragon in "How To Train Your Dragon." To press my case, I present Exhibit A:

River & Toothless: Separated at Birth?

While River is "technically" my husband's dog, Kestrel is all mine. We had a lovely, sweet English Mastiff who died of lymphoma when she was only 1 year old. I was distraught. I went to the Humane Society, where Kestrel immediately claimed me as if she'd been waiting for me to get there.

Kestrel: Always ready for something...

Kestrel is like me: very Type A. After the Dalmatian years, I generally prefer my dogs to be bigger and more laid back. Kestrel, and Fate, didn't give a rat's patootie what I preferred. Kestrel is mine. Within a few days of getting her, I did the 3-Day Novel Writing Contest. While recovering from the Swine Flu. (No, I'm not kidding.) She endured it all with me.

No ode to the dog muses in my life would be complete without Barkley, our newest addition. We thought he would be a good replacement for Barney as an outdoor dog. Barkley had other ideas. He's like having a piece of self-mobile carpet in the house. And nothing, but nothing, warms you on a frosty winter day like a cup of hot coffee while snuggling a St. Bernard.

Barkley's default position.

There you have it: the dogs that keep me sane, workout with me, are ready for a play break at a moment's notice, and inspire me. They don't care if my writing is great or shoddy. They don't care if people know who I am or like what I write. They are unconditionally accepting; fuzzy purveyors of several of life's critically important Real Deals.

So many of our dogs were purebred castoffs who, often because of their breeds' traits, didn't fit into their original owners' ideas of what a dog should be. I decided to write a series of books that explained why different breeds have the characteristics they do. The hero of each book would be a dog that was doing the Thing for which his or her breed was developed. Since I had the most first-hand experience with Dalmatians, and since I wanted to pay homage to the dogs who were my first muses, the first book in the series is about a Dalmatian.

"Wilson the Dalmatian: Victorian Carriage Dog" is a true-to-life story for young readers and dog lovers of all ages. For indulging my paean to the dogs in my life, I'd like to share the ebook with you -- for FREE!

1. Just go to "Wilson the Dalmatian" at Smashwords.com. (If you're not already on Smashwords, you have to create an account, but it's simple, fast, and free.)

2. Add the eBook to your cart.

3. On checkout, use coupon code AR59P. (It's good until November 1, 2011).

4. Read and enjoy!

If you like it, I'd be forever in your debt if you posted a review on Amazon.com, on Smashwords, or (my personal preference) on both sites. But you don't have to. Go ahead and share the free coupon code with anyone you choose. No trick! It's my treat.

-- Do you have an animal muse that makes your writing time even more enjoyable? If so, contribute your own Ode to them below!

Top 5 Reasons You Should Do NaNoWriMo This Year

2011-10-23T23:49:00.000-04:00

"What's NaNoWriMo?" the uninitiated ask.

"It's National Novel Writing Month," the Chosen Ones answer. "It happens every November. You sign up online, then spend 30 days ('cause November couldn't have been one of the months with 31) furiously scrabbling to find a way to slap together 50,000 more-or-less coherent words."

Stunned silence is the general response, followed closely by: Why?

I'm glad you asked. Here, in no particular order, are the top 5 reasons you should participate in NaNo 2011:

1. It's invigorating. NaNo is bracing. It's a blast of creative juice that soaks the Muse right out of her rather apathetic stupor.

Thanks! I needed that!

2. It's just what the doctor ordered. You know that manuscript? The sick one? The one you've been meaning to make some chicken soup for, take to ER, and rub its back till it feels better? NaNo gives you a whole month to indulge the headachy, snot-filled, fever-ridden work-in-progress. After 30 days of caregiving, you'll know beyond the shadow of a doubt whether or not the patient can be saved.

Is book unwell? Mummy's here, dear...

3. It will force you to look at things from a new vantage point. With NaNo, there's precious little time for second-guessing. Or editing. Or proofreading, for that matter. It's a write-like-your-life-depends-upon-it undertaking. Which makes you overlook things that may have slowed you down in the past. Every new NaNo day marks uncharted territory. There is no time to revisit what you did yesterday. Get ready to be bumped out of your comfort zone!

I'm seeing things I never dreamed of!

4. Try something daring. Has your writing become rote? Complacent? ~ahem~ By-the-book (pardon the pun)? NaNo gives you permission to throw away your crutches and safety nets. Try something you'd never normally do. Go ahead: it won't kill you!

This ain't the way I normally roll...

5. You discover your personal writer's work ethic. No matter how supportive your cheerleaders, no one can write your book for you. (Technically, that's not true. Ghostwriters can. But that kind of negates the whole "I'm going to write a novel this month" thing...) NaNo shows you exactly what it takes to shoulder the book-writing load and git 'r done.

Keep moving forward...

What are you waiting for? Only a few days separate us from the beginning of NaNoWriMo 2011. Don't delay! Sign up today! Oh, and comment below if I missed your favorite reason for NaNo-ing. Happy writing...

All photos courtesy of MorgueFile, except the one showing the crazy person perched atop a 1-ton horse with nothing to stop her fall if the horse should decide he no longer wants her there. Yeah, that's me on my Percheron. 'Cause I'm just that stupid...

Chiming in on "Shine"

2011-10-18T14:08:00.001-04:00

People are all atwitter (literally) over the National Book Awards You're-Nominated / No-You're-Not hokey pokey dance with Lauren Myracle's "Shine." For those unfamiliar with the story, I encourage you to read the snark-free Publisher's Weekly article on the debacle. Go ahead. I'll wait...

In a nutshell, earlier this month, the National Book Foundation contacted Amulet Books, "Shine's" publisher. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. The conversation may have gone something like this:

NBF: A book you've published has been nominated as a finalist for the National Book Award in Young People's Literature.

Amulet Books: Outstanding! Which title?

NBF: "Shine."

Amulet Books:Lauren Myracle's coming-of-age mystery about a Southern community dealing with homophobia and the fallout from a hate crime?

NBF: That's it.

Amulet Books: Brilliant! We can't wait to tell Lauren. Thank you so much for your call.

~hangs up~

General celebrating, hooping & hollering commences. Because, really, how often does one's book get into the Top Fr%&@king 5 Books of the Year? In the words of every Oscar nominee:

"It doesn't matter whether you win or not. It's an honor just to be nominated."

This week, however, the National Book Foundation "regrets that an error was made" and "apologizes for any confusion or hurt it may have caused Lauren Myracle." Imagine what a fly might have overheard on that call:

NBF: When we last spoke, I was calling to congratulate you for publishing a book that was a finalist for the National Book Award.

Amulet Books: Thank you. We are honored.

NBF: Yes. Well. You're not.

Amulet Books: I beg your pardon?

NBF: We regret that we called you in error. The book that's really nominated is "Chime."

Amulet Books: "Chime." Not "Shine."

NBF: Right. "Chime." By Franny Billingsley. No hate crimes in it. Witches. Spirits. Spells. Golden eyes. Tawny hair. That sort of thing."Chime" is in. You're out.

Amulet Books: How. Did this. Happen?

NBF: (chuckling) It's a funny story.

Amulet Books: ...???

NBF: The judges misunderstood the book title when it was read over the phone. Kai thanx bai.

~hangs up~

Stunned silence reigns.

Good grief. Talk about a "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" moment in publishing.

So let me get this straight: For the National Book Awards, the titles of the finalists are read to the judges over the phone.

Just the titles? Not title and, oh -- I don't know -- author? Or title and synopsis? Or (work with me here) title and publisher? Just the titles.

This could cause significant problems. Imagine, for instance the confusion that could arise over hearing that "Double Shadow" was nominated. "Which book would that mean?" the judges might ask.

Sooo many "Double Shadows."

At most companies I've worked for, and when working with clients, when it comes to important communications, we like to employ a little thing called e-mail. Or texting. Sometimes, when we want to kick it old school, we actually print something out on paper.

That's not sarcasm. It's solid business advice that the National Book Foundation might do well to consider. Write it down. You're the NBF, for heaven's sake. You promote the printed word.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh here. What's your take on the situation? Chime in below...

Mystery Guest Blogger: Q & A with An Agent's Slush-Pile Reader

2011-10-06T18:08:00.000-04:00

Regular readers know that I facilitate a weekly Writing Practicum whose members are working toward publication. Most have no real publishing credits yet. Quite a few are great at doing their homework, reading online, studying up on the industry & honing their craft, but the aspect of querying (and the dismal acceptance rates from slush pile submissions) stymies them.

I have a friend who worked as an agent's slush reader. She was gracious enough to answer my Writing Practicum members' questions.

I thought her responses were great and asked her permission to share them with my blog readers. She agreed, as long as she retained her anonymity. (She's female. That narrows it down from 8 billion possibilities to just over 4 billion. Anonymous enough...) "I was waxing snarky and I shouldn't," she explained. I honestly thought she was quite kind, but will honor her request and keep her identity a secret.

And now, without further ado... A straight-shooting Q & A with an agent's slush-pile reader!

~Cue theme song & dancing girls~

The questions, in no particular order, follow:

Q: I've studied websites like Query Shark & AgentQuery. I think I understand how to avoid making the major "newbie" mistakes, but what are some "red flags" that turn you off from an otherwise well-written query letter?

A:

Starting out with high word count or very low word count as well and slamming me with adverbs and adjectives.
If you don't do your homework and begin the letter with "Dear Sir/Madam."
Spelling the agent's name wrong is a big no-no as well as mentioning books/authors that have unrelated genres or having nothing to do with your genre.
I try not to be skeptical when the bio reads "first time author" but I've read enough really bad stuff from first timers that turn me off.
Also, be nice. We are people too. If you come off as needy or a jerk we will probably be turned off to working with you.

Honestly, I let a lot of things slide in queries because nobody is perfect. BUT, if I am in the middle of a query reading day and the query starts out with "XXXX novel is a heart rending tale of redemption...(insert ANY descriptive word of what you think your novel is)" you just awarded yourself a rejection. Those kinds of queries are a dime a dozen and are usually not written well at all.

Q: When you've read through a pile of queries at a sitting, what specific aspects pique your interest and make one particular query stand out from the crowd?

A: Oh geez, this is a toughy. It's hard to tell. Sometimes it is the writer's credentials, or if a writer can say they met me someplace, or tweeted me on Twitter (or are a fan of my blog is always nice). The queries that wake me up out of a glassy-eyed stupor are the unusually creative novels that have amazing main character names, to die for plots, and a great voice.

The camel whispers in my ear what I must write.
Betcha never heard a camel's voice before!

Q: I keep hearing that agents and publishers want to find a writer with "a great voice." What constitutes a great voice? What qualities does a great voice have that makes that writing "work?"

A: Ah, the elusive voice! Anyone who knows me, or listens to me talk for that matter, knows that I am a speed chatter with loads of snark and humor. When I write, my brain goes into hyperdrive and all my inner thoughts spill out on the page. Some things are better left in my brain. However, THAT is the voice we agents / interns are looking for. The voice can be sweet, unassuming, bold, masculine, crass, sarcastic, abrasive, brutal -- you name it, it's been written. Mainly, we want to read a character whose voice matches the writing. It is a difficult thing to pull off, but not impossible. It just takes practice.

Q: I want my query to be memorable, but I'm terrified of inadvertently doing something stupid in my letter that turns an agent off. Any advice?

A: Short really is sweeter. If you can't hook me onto your plot in the first paragraph, my eyes glass over. It is my MAJOR pet peeve to read three paragraphs of why the author chose to write and why their book is going to blow my socks off. Just tell me the damn plot already! Get down to business, make it snappy, make me drool and then end it.

Q: On average, how many manuscripts (or partials) do you request for every 100 query letters you read?

A: Depends. When I first started I requested about 6 partials and one full. I do a little more now mainly because the quality of queries have increased and we are caught up in reading submissions. My last batch of queries was 78 queries, 5 fulls, 2 partials and that didn't include what my boss requested.

Q: Are you ever "on the fence" about a project pitched in a query letter, or are queries generally easily separated into Requests and Rejections? If you are on the fence, what aspects can affect your decision?

A: I sit on the fence all the time. It is easy to dole out rejections when the writing is clearly awful and the query is a muddy mess.

However, there is an increase of decent queries that I am not sure if I love or not. Usually, I star it and let it sit in my inbox for a few days. If the plot sticks with me, I request it. If I forget all about it and I reread it without interest, it gets a rejection. A lot of the time coming back to it with a clear head on a different day makes me realize that I had been silly for not rejecting it, or glad that it is still around to request.

Q: When you've requested a manuscript, how do you decide whether it's worth bringing to the agent's attention?

A: This is going to be a novel length answer. Many factors go into me pitching a book to the agent. Just so you know, I pitch everything I've requested to my boss even if I am firm on rejecting it. I am not an agent, so I am not allowed to reject a book without gaining her approval first. As the intern I act like a gate keeper who gives the gate owner (agent) a whittled down version of the submission process.

Here are some tips that get you read:

Your first five pages need to be awesome. They need to hook me and keep me reading.
After I have requested a 50 page partial, I want to see a story that moves quickly with all the elements aligned. The dialogue needs to be engaging, the characters need to be developed and the plot needs to be steadily increasing to a climax. If, after fifty pages, I am drooling for more I'll ask for a full (or keep reading as I give all manuscripts up to 50 pages to impress me).
The full needs to deliver the goods. There needs to be tension, deep character development, a story arc that has me glued to it, and a chain of events I can follow.
I am not a fan of books that skips around a lot between the past and the present.
When you get to a climax, I want to be plastered to the story and gasping (whether that means happy or sad is up to you) and the ending is crucial. There is nothing more heartbreaking than an ending that drops me off a cliff abruptly. Very unfair.
In a nutshell, 99% of writers query me with novels that are not ready to be queried. Either the writing is not polished or the story is flawed, or any number of things can go wrong, like me not connecting with a main character to hating where you took the story (or taking your character through improbable scenarios).

Not to break your hearts, but I have read three submissions I thought were wonderful. One, my boss agreed was good, but with the other two she was not nearly as impressed as I was. It is a matter of subjectivity, especially since a novel I hated and highly recommended she pass on, she loved! Is it frustrating? Yes it is, but to ease the irritation, it is just as insanely frustrating for us to root out a story we love as much as it is frustrating for you to get rejected.

Finally: Good luck to all of you!

******

I want to publicly thank my friend for agreeing to share her insider's wisdom with my readers. I hope you found her insights into the querying process useful.

Keep on keeping on!

Lovely, lovely, lovely...

2011-10-03T20:12:00.000-04:00

Thanks to musician extraordinaire Stan Stewart, I am again honored with the "One Lovely Blog Award." Stan writes the unquestionably lovely Muz4Now blog with musings that are relevant to artists of all persuasions, not just musicians.

So, in keeping with the spirit of the award, I shall share 7 things about myself and pass the "1LBA" along to 5 (some say 15, but the rules on this are fuzzy) other worthy bloggers.

And heee-eee-eere we go:

I have met President Ronald Regan, broken bread with Norman Mailer and listened to hauntingly beautiful Celtic music while sitting on the same couch as Frank McCourt. All were fascinating men, but I'm happiest when in the company of my husband of 23 years.
I love to cook, though I rarely make a recipe "as written." I'm always convinced I can improve on the original.
I could eat Thai or Indian food at every meal every day for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy with the menu.
There is no such thing as too many Heath bars or too much coffee.
Life without dogs or horses is not worth living.
I love LEGOs. I've already informed my 8-year old daughter that when she outgrows them, we'll be keeping them for me to play with.
I have a habit of developing deep and abiding crushes on my characters. This leads to carved-in-concrete casting opinions, which is certain to get me in trouble should any of my books ever be optioned for film.

And now, I'd like to bestow this award on some fabulously wonderful blogs:

Check out writer, painter, and purveyor of exquisite snark Alyson Peterson's newly established "Dirty Green Jello." Alyson once wrote the "Crazy Writer Girl" blog, which ended when her life exploded. But she's back now and I, for one, am glad of it!

Romance Writer Roni Loren's (@RoniLoren) "Fiction Groupie" blog is an excellent source of writerly information and (for those cold winter days) womanly inspiration.

Quilting queen Kelly Smith's (@quiltinRedhead) "Redheaded Quilter" is part travel journal, part quilting blog, with the occasional recipe thrown in for good measure. Kelly is a wonderful writer with two books and a major editorship to her credit. I liked it better, though, when she lived just down the street instead of halfway across the country...

Tell-it-like-it-is writer Lydia Sharp (@lydia_sharp) writes "The Sharp Angle" where she discusses music, craft, current reading, and the state of the publishing industry with acerbic aplomb.

I manage a health and fitness blog for a client and through that blog have discovered Jeff and Mike Adams' (@TruckinFitness) "Truckin' Fitness." Their blog is consistently excellent, full of solid, interesting, usable fitness and training information.

And there you have it. Thanks to Stan, you now know far more about me than you ever wished to. And you've been introduced to some mighty fine bloggers. Go forth and read them to your heart's content. My job here is done!

Keep on keeping on.

Social Media Manifesto III: Facebook

2011-09-27T06:40:00.000-04:00

I was a long-time diehard Facebook fan. I loved reconnecting with people with whom I'd fallen out of touch. I had my fan page and my personal page and networked my blog and everything. And I loved it.

But I didn't love the constantly changing privacy policies. And I didn't love realizing that I'd just spent the past hour and a half reading status updates when I could have been -- should have been -- writing.

For me, the last straw of Facebook came when my child's 1st grade teacher took pictures of the kids in her class and posted them on her page. Soon, people were tagging her with my name and links to my FB page.

Now, I don't put my child's picture online. Ever. To me, that just smacks of exploitation. And the paranoiac in me certainly doesn't want my kid's picture tagged with my name. I know there are a bazillion parents out there happily posting pics of every second of their kids' lives. Well, I'm not one of them.

So time-wasting and photo-tagging trumped (in my opinion) staying in touch with a few people, I got off FB. Went cold turkey. Never missed it, found lots of other ways to procrastinate on my writing, and never looked back...

I was happy being footloose and Facebook free until recently, when a client wanted me to administer their fan page. (Which, incidentally, I set up back in the day...). I fought it. I came up with every reason in the book not to. But the client always wins. Since, not surprisingly, one cannot administer a page without being a member, I was dragged kicking and screaming back to the FB fold.

Here, then, in a nutshell is my Facebook policy:

I have a personal page, but rarely check in.

My page is my name. If you'd like to say "hi," feel free. I'll probably respond.

I only add as friends people I know.

I have zero interest in anyone's virtual farm, mafia, or zoo. I mean it. Even if it's my own mother: I just don't care. I'm sorry if that comes across as harsh, but I doubt that I'm alone in this.

I don't have an official "fan page." In my experience, it becomes just one more thing to manage.

I use social media to stay informed and to stay in touch. I must constantly remember that it is a tool. It is not my reason for living. I was not put here on the planet to raise my Klout score or see if I can get the most Twitter followers, or blog readers, or Facebook fans. I love spending time online meeting and interacting with the wonderful people I meet there, but my life begins when I pull the plug and get down to the business of living.

Social Media Manifesto II: My Take on Triberr

2011-09-26T06:52:00.003-04:00

Confession time: I joined Triberr without fully understanding the implications of joining a tribe.

In essence, Triberr expands your blog influence through Twitter. The members of a tribe have an obligation to tweet about each other's blog posts. It's easy! It's "automagical!" All you have to do it set it and forget it.

Within a few days of joining Triberr, I had over 100 hits on my newest blog post. Yay! thought I. This is outstanding! I understood why so many bloggers consider Triberr the best thing since sliced bread.

But then I started thinking. I bake my own bread. And there's a reason for it: I hate the store-bought, no-attention-given-to-it, sliced stuff.

Photo by Kevin Rosseel

I noticed that my Twitter stream was posting links to blogs I'd never read. Most of which were good. Some, however, were not. One mongo-tribe that I joined has over 30 members! This sounds great: Over 30 people tweeting my blog post! Wowsers! But when I read their blogs -- the stuff that I was reciprocating by posting for them -- I was less thrilled.

Don't get me wrong: a lot of the posts were excellent! I regularly shoutout and RT these bloggers anyway. And I met some wonderful new bloggers, which makes any day seem like Christmas. I was honored to be a part of their tribe. However, not all of the over 30 were created equal.

One guy has two Twitter streams in the same tribe. He writes niche novels and his blog exists only to promote his books. Every single post has the phrase "In my book..." in it. There is no content. It's only sales. Now, he has 10x more followers than I. And he dutifully tweeted my blog post. But his click-through rate is abysmal. Maybe he bought his thousands of followers. Maybe they just ignore his self-serving posts. But it concerned me that I had entered into a social contract with someone so clearly bent on self-gratification.

Another member in the mongo-tribe wrote...er... stuff I won't read. The book currently being touted is all about rape and murder and sadistic yuck. If I won't put that kind of thing in my own head, why would I want to tweet about it as if I were encouraging others to?

Some members posted myriad-multiple times a day. Which means that they were commandeering my Twitter feed. I tweet too much as it is on my own, thank you very much. The last thing I want to do is give free rein to someone even more verbose than I.

And some members, sadly, just didn't write blog posts that I'd ever retweet. Like the ones that only quote glowing reviews of their books. Or the ones that have nothing to do with writing or craft. (It's true, I tweet about more than just writing. But the eclectic stuff I post has been read and vetted by me. I think it's interesting and share it. I don't just share it 'cause I know ya.) Or the ones that review video games. It's fine -- in fact, it's GREAT -- that someone blogs about that stuff. I just don't want to be in the position where I feel obliged to put it out there.

Photo by Agatha Brown

Triberr kind of pushed me over the edge. It seemed so wonderful: new readers! New tweeps! New followers! New friends! What's not to like? But I felt very quickly overwhelmed. On Thursday, I realized that I had spent ALL fr$&!@king day on social media. And zero time writing.

Now this is entirely my fault. Mine and mine alone. I take full responsibility. But as I was mulling over "where on earth did my time go?" I had the second realization that I had auto-tweeted a bunch of my Tribesmates (tribestweeps? tribesmembers? Hmmm...) stuff without even realizing it. And I heard about it from my followers. Because when they clicked on what I sent, they didn't see what they were used to seeing. Which made me realize that I was recommending stuff without reading it. Which is something I hate in others.

So this past weekend I called a meeting with myself. Pulled the SM plug. Spent some time thinking long and hard about what I was accomplishing with all this SM interaction. And I came to the inescapable realization that I am spending more time on SM stuff than I am on writing.

This, I told myself, was unacceptable. I have become the employee who spends too much work time online. Except I work for me. Not only was my boss unhappy with my productivity levels, but my SM friends were beginning to question my judgment. It was time for serious housekeeping.

So, feeling that I couldn't in good conscience keep up with my end of the social contract, I quit the mondo-tribe.

This was not a thing I took lightly. I stressed about it for several days, weighing the pros and cons of remaining. I feel badly about leaving: some of the writers in it are fantastic. But ultimately, I felt that it was taking me more time to pick and choose content -- to browse through all that was offered and determine what I wanted to bring to the attention of my followers -- than it was worth.

My biggest problem with Triberr is the thing that most people love about it. I don't like the automation. I don't like looking at my Twitter feed and seeing stuff I've posted that I didn't know about. It makes me feel like I've given free-rein to someone else and turned an imposter loose with my Twitter account. It's the whole homemade bread thing, dontchaknow

This, then, is my Triberr policy:

All auto-posting is turned off. No one gets an automatic thumbs up. From now on, I will read all Triberr members' posts before I post them.

I'll only tweet about stuff I like. My loyalty to my Twitter followers comes first. My tribe members come second.

I'll make an honest effort to list all tribe members and follow their Twitter streams. When possible, I'll RT things they say. But I won't pander to blatant self promoters.

I would sooner close my Triberr affiliation than lose writing time. If my Triberr policy becomes too time consuming, then either a tribe, or the whole Triberr shebang, is gone.

How do you feel about Triberr -- either as a member or from reading a Triberr member's Twitter stream? What's your policy when it comes to auto-tweeting?

Social Media Manifesto I: Twitter Rules

2011-09-25T13:51:00.000-04:00

I never wanted to be on Twitter. But a writer friend set me up on Twitter and Tweetdeck while I was at her house one day and I was very quickly sold.

Twitter affords me the opportunity to talk with people all over the world. I have Twitter friends in London, Sweden, Australia, Japan, and Scotland.

Twitter lets me connect with other writers and with readers. It also grants me access to the innermost thoughts of agents, editors, and publishers. Interestingly enough, I find that the Twitter feeds of writers overwhelmingly tend toward the positive, while those of the agents tend to be snark-filled.

Thanks to Twitter, I've discovered new writers that I love and new agents that I admire. I've also run across writers that I wouldn't read if you paid me and agents who are so vitriolic that I wouldn't want
them repping me even if it meant a quick, sure sale. Shortly after I joined, I mused about life lessons I've learned from Twitter. They still hold.

My Twitter Rules:

If you mention me (@MuseInks), I'll send you a thank you. And I'll mean it. But if you're one of those who RTs every mention, I'll stop thanking you for the shoutouts. That sort of thing is just a social media vicious circle and it wastes my time.

I won't follow you just because you ask me to for the same reason I don't buy every thing I see an advertisement for. Give me a reason to follow you and I will.

I don't care if I have a million followers. I'd rather have just a few who read what I say and who respond to me.

I don't automatically follow back if you follow me. It depends on your Twitter page (I look at the feeds of everyone before I follow). If you only tweet about something you're trying to sell, or if you never RT, or if you tweet only quotes, or if you never engage your followers in conversation, I won't follow you. Why would I?

I personally approve all content in my Twitter feed. I might schedule a tweet for a later time, but not before vetting the content. I won't auto-tweet.

This last rule leads me to my issues with Triberr. More on that tomorrow...

In the meantime, what rules do you have for your Twitter & SM accounts? How do you manage them and make them work best for you?

Birthday Wishes, Awards, and Worthwhile #Writing Blogs

2011-09-23T12:02:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday (cue the confetti shower and the kazoo salute).

Last year on my birthday, I posted my Wishes for Wannabe & Working Writers. I had every intention of revamping the post and proffering it again because everything I said a year ago holds true: I wish you enough...

But birthdays are not about revisiting the past. They're about marking a moment in time and marching forward into the fray of the future with bravery, however misplaced it may be. Earlier this week, JKP at The Manicheans blog bestowed upon me The Lovely Blog Award.

And I didn't get her anything. ~sigh~

The terms of accepting said award are simple: say 7 things about yourself and nominate 15 other blog recipients. (Hmm... There is a very real fear that if I continue to accept blog awards, there will be no secrets left between me and thee. Then the mystery will be gone and the honeymoon will be over. ::sniff::)

Well, since my birthday got me thinking about all the stuff I'd still like to do in life, I figured I'd share my dreams with you. Perhaps my shouting them out to the world will make me more accountable and kick my ever-widening butt to get off the couch and go do them!

So here, in no particular order are a few things I'd like to have checked off my life list when my last birthday comes and some of the things that, IMO, make life worth living:

Wishes & Wants

1. I'd like to ride a bareback, bridleless musical freestyle demonstration that knocks peoples' socks off. Like Stacey Westfall. (See her in the video below. ~sigh~ Gives me equal parts warm fuzzies and cold chills. It's so lovely.) I've got it all choreographed in my mind. I know the music, the movements, and the maneuvers. My vision of it is *fantastic.* In reality, however, I'm still in the need-the-bridle-to-control-direction phase.

2. I want to sit in a theatre with a crowd of strangers and watch the screening of a movie I've written. I'd love to have you join me. I'll share my popcorn.

3. I want to set foot on every continent and visit at least 50 countries. (Current tally: alas: only 2 continents and 9 countries.) Ideally, such travel includes equitrekking with someone who knows the area. 'Cause everything's better when seen from horseback. :D

4. I want to be an extra in a movie. Either as an extra rider or as "Uncredited Screaming Woman." You know: the one who, in a grade-Z film screams bloody murder after discovering the approaching zombie hordes? Yeah, that. I want to do that.

Lifetime Loves

5. I've never met a dog I didn't like and I love everything about puppies: the smell of puppy breath, their petal-soft fur, their innocent eyes, and their boundless optimism. I wish we could give a puppy infusion directly into the veins of every elected politician.

6. Every day I thank God that I am graced to spend some more time on this planet with my family: my favorite people who encourage my dreams while simultaneously keeping me humble.

7. I would love to personally shake the hand of the first person to discover how to brew coffee. Seriously. He (or she) was pure genius.

And now I shall pass the One Lovely Blog Award on to some of my wonderful writerly Triberr friends. Some people claim to have "writing blogs" but, instead have "BUY MY BOOK!!! blogs." (I despise those and would never knowingly steer you toward them.) Not these folks. They each have writing-related blogs worth checking out.

* Amberr Meadows (@Amberrisme) "Like a Bump on a Blog"
* Trish Gentry (@VaChicklet) "ChickletsLit"
* Shannon Mayer (@QueryAddict) "Wringing Out Words"
* Martin Gijzemijter (@MagWrites) "Dinner With God"
* Jeremy Rodden (@toonopolis) "Toonopolis"

* Van Heerling (@VanHeerling) "Van Heerling Books"
* Shannon Taylor Hodnett (@shanonaryder) "Shanona Writer"
* Lindsay Wheble (@Lyndsay_Wheble) "Tolstoy is my Cat"
* Martin King (@themartinking) "Martin King"
* Stef Mcdaid (@Ukeditor) "Write Into Print"

* Eri Nelson (@dearharts) "Dearharts"
* Karina Cox (@karina_cox) "Pondhopper Musings"
* Lisa Goodwin (@LGoodwin80107) "Lisa Goodwin's Blog"
* Belinda Witzenhausen (@Bwitzenhausen) "Belinda Witzenhausen" (graphics to inspire creativity)
* Jen DeSantis (@JenD_Author) "A Measure of Madness"

Visit them, and tell them I said "hi!" Oh -- and if you wish, buy their books. I'm sure they wouldn't mind but they won't smack you over the head and hold you hostage in order to make a sale.

Cheers!

Drive Thru Writing #Goals

2011-09-19T22:03:00.001-04:00

For the past several years, my friend & neighbor Sheila has had a goal: To drive through the McDonald's drive-thru. With her horse.

Sheila works full-time. She's got kids. Grandkids. In the past year, her mother-in-law who requires hospice care and close attention has moved in to their small farmhouse. She's had horses for years, but she's not what one would call "accomplished." Oh, sure she can ride. She can drive. But she's never shown. She's not one of those horse people.

The fact that she has zero desire to ride or drive competitively has not stopped her from having a goal. When she got Will, her grade Belgian gelding, she announced "I want to take him through the McDonald's drive-through."

Which is 5 miles away, on the other side of town.

There were a thousand and one reasons why she shouldn't reach her goal. It's a long way away, as the horse walks. It's infinitely easier, faster, safer, and saner to jump in the car and turn the key anytime she's craving fries. But where's the fun in that?

Some people laughed with tell-tale condescension when they heard Sheila's goal. They didn't say "That's silly" to her face. They didn't have to. She could tell who supported her and who thought she was nuts.

We writers know a bit of having drive-thru goals. Often, just saying "I want to be a writer" qualifies. Writers quickly discover a thousand and one agents, publishers, and editors who don't share their vision. When we begin a novel, writing "the end" is a long way away, as the plotter plots. It's easier to read someone else's book than to write our own. Ah, but where's the fun in that?

I facilitate a weekly Writing Practicum for writers pursuing publication. Traditionally, when a new writer joins our group, I ask for a backward introduction. "Introduce yourself to us as if it is three years from now."

Wonderful intros from accomplished, New York Times bestselling novelists and wildly successful authors tend to ensue.

"Now introduce yourself again. This time, as it if is one year from now."

We are treated to visions of brilliant writers poised on the brink of publishing success.

"Now, please tell us who you are today."

And we meet the aspiring writer with drive-thru goals.

Nothing -- NOTHING -- is wrong with drive-thru goals. We all have them. So what if no one else shares them? So what if people think our quest is laughable or futile? Who needs the naysayers?

Don't listen to those who tell you life would be easier, faster, safer, and saner if you only had different priorities. Keep your eyes on the prize. Practice your craft. Know the route you want to take. And one day, if you stay true to yourself and to your writing, you'll make heads turn when you make those dreams come true.

All photos courtesy of my dear friend Sheila LeBeau. Taken Sept. 5, 2011.

Guest Blogger Johanna Pitcairn: My Take on the Writer's Block

2011-09-14T00:03:00.000-04:00

Welcome, Johanna Pitcairn (@themanicheans)! In addition to being a prolific writer, Johanna is also a lawyer, cat lover, piano player, & tattoo aficianado. "I write about my hopes, my fears, my lost love and my life. I write because I am. Without art, I'd be nothing," she says. To read her work, visit Johanna's blog at The Manicheans.

I've been writing since I was very young. I knew what to write just by staring outside and letting my imagination run wild. I, therefore, never faced a lack of inspiration, except when I was sick, tired, or too lazy to think.

My first experience dealing with a writer's block could be compared to your first time meeting a ghost. I’ve personally never had the chance of falling face to face with a haunting spirit yet, but I heard from the Ghost Adventures’ guys that it’s a life changing event, and you don't believe in it until it actually happens to you. I’d rather not encounter a ghost, because I think it’s creepy and totally superfluous. Now the Ghost Adventures’ guys found a really good way of starting a career by scaring good fellows like me, which made me wonder whether I should begin my own show to give the creeps to my author friends about the writer’s block. I don’t imagine I’d be as successful, but who knows? This is maybe the way to go….

The writer’s block requires a lot of mental strength to be effectively defeated. When you're head deep into your WIP and you suddenly feel it coming, you cannot escape from it no matter how hard you want out.

You find yourself wandering endlessly in the maze that is your mind, looking for an exit that you know exist, but you have no idea how close or how far it’s from your reach. The writer's block is insidious, because it occurs at the least favorable moment and can leave you hanging for days, maybe weeks.

You have several options to choose from once that unfortunate episode finally strikes you out. You may pull your hair, cry, eat profusely or become anorexic. You also may give up on your writing aspirations because you’re now convinced you simply don’t have what it takes.

Well, let me tell you one thing: the writer’s block is normal. It will happen one day, I can assure you of that, and you will remember it because it’s truly the most frustrating thing to deal with, but once you overcome it, you feel reborn.

I don't have tricks, I only trust discipline. I experienced a block a few weeks ago, as I was finishing Part 1 of Vol. 2 of the Manicheans. I don't write with an outline. I follow a certain trajectory but my writing mostly grows organically. I don't like to be bound between plot lines that won't make sense later on. I let my characters steer me into their fantastical world, and much like a good cartoon, they design the story for me.

Stuck sucks. Photo by Scott Liddell from www.MorgueFile.com

I thought I was strong enough never to feel completely dry, because I always knew what to write about. Yet, the block punched me in the stomach with so much power, I surrendered to it for a while. I ended up completely drained, as if all my ideas had evaporated and left my brain like a miserable and pathetic sponge of nothingness. I knew the only thing I had to do to save my sanity was to regroup, and rethink every detail in my story in order to know where to move next.

The writer's block will force you to retrace your steps, and you’ll find the right path after walking in circles for hours.

My way of crushing it was to simply try until the exit showed up. It was exhausting, extremely frustrating and of course, very demotivating. I saw myself playing a 3D video game where I kept hitting the screen walls because I’m so awful at picturing 3D objects, and after many unsuccessful attempts, I naturally started to doubt myself and my ability to write. I hadn’t reached the point where I was ready to jump off the writing cliff yet, but I came close.

I vented about it to my writers’ friends, and they all gave me the same response: keep writing. So guess what I did: I wrote. Even the dumbest idea can become the key to your freedom. You must let these words come out of you because they're your solution to a better novel.

I wish the writer’s block was just a product of our imagination. I hate it; it will come again nonetheless, no matter how many ideas I write down my page. No writer is immune to it. Does a writer’s block repellant exist on the market yet? I don’t think so, but you can always search for it. Who knows? Maybe ghosts aren’t real either.

Awards, Honors, Random Facts & Blogs You Shouldn't Miss

2011-09-12T00:01:00.000-04:00

Whoa! I am honored -- honored, I tell you -- to learn that in the past week, this blog has been the recipient of not one but two awards.

Thanks, Glitter Lady!

The first is the Versatile Blogger Award, bestowed on Friday from the ever-lovely Stevie McCoy, aka @TheGlitterLady. Her Glitter Word blog is the home of #TuesdayTales flash fiction, as well as other fabulous posts to motivate, educate, and inspire writers of all flavors.

Then, on Sunday, the inimitable Michael Haynes (@mohio73) presented me with the Liebster Award. From what I can tell, it's designed to show love to bloggers who aren't powerhouses, but who have a dedicated core of followers (you know who you are).

The rules are sketchy, but as I understand it, part of accepting the Versatile Blogger Award is telling the world 7 Totally Random Facts about yourself. Part of accepting both the VB and the Liebster Award involves passing the award along to other blogs. The numbers vary from 5 to 15, depending upon whom you believe. In essence, it's the bloggy version of MLM meets a chain letter. Sort of. Because it's more fun and less vicious than either.

Thanks, Michael!

Ahem. OK. So, in an effort to play nice with the generous award committee (because, really, karma does exist, and if one wants to win, say, an Oscar or an Emmy at some point, one should practice gracious acceptance of any and all awards bestowed in the meantime), I hereby proffer the following

7 Totally Random Facts

Daylight is SOOOO overrated.
Photo credit: manicmorff from morguefile.com

I am a night owl. Which means that as the day goes on I pick up speed. I can be barely keeping my eyes open at 9 a.m., even after a long, restful night's sleep. But at 10, 11, 12, 1... I'm still going strong. This proved useful when...
I once worked 56 hours straight when I was Head of Proofing at an advertising agency. I did not go home. I did not sleep. I committed nutritional suicide and mainlined coffee. We were on crazy deadlines for several clients and told we couldn't go home till everything was out the door. At this time, I made my worst proofing mistake ever when...
I approved a calendar to go to print that had Good Friday a full, solid week before Easter. By the 40th or so hour, even this night owl was too pooped to hoot. Fortunately, upper agency management forgave the blatant proofing error.
I met my husband while making prank phone calls to the boys' dorm two weeks into my freshman year of university...
After we dated for 2 weeks, WunderGuy asked me to marry him. I was appalled. "Are you crazy?" was, I believe, my verbatim response. I told him to ask me again in a year or so if we were still together. Thank God he did.
I am capable of holding entire conversations made up only of movie quotes and in-joke references, and routinely do so with family and close friends. I often underestimate the annoyance factor of this Sekrit Langwij on those who are not fluent in it.
I once received the following job review. (ahem) "You are an excellent worker; conscientious, dedicated and thorough. But, dear, you have no tact." Sadly, I have not acquired any in the years since.

And now, with my randomness showing, I shall pass the awards along to these blogs that I love, and I know you will too:

Food Snots: A flat-out fabulous cooking blog with fantastic recipes. Want to know how to make cupcakes that glow under a blacklight? You'll find out here. Seriously, though, try the Chicken Tandoori. It's excellent. Great step-by-step pics & easy to follow directions. Mmmm! (@foodsnots)
120 Socks: Dublin-based writer Louise Phillips' (@120socks) blog is full of awesome randomness. My hands-down favorite post is How Times Have Changed - Utterly Bizarre, which merits close reading and elicits both hysterical laughter and fervent prayers of gratitude that I live in the 21st century.
Bliss Habits: Blogger Kathy (@BlissHabits) lists 13 "virtues of bliss." Every week, she chooses one and dedicates her blog to exploring it in greater detail. This is not a sappy blog. It's insightful, interesting, well-thought-out, and often inspiring.
The Musings of a New Englander: Writer Sharon Williams (@NewEngland_Muse) shares her writer's journey, with posts on such things as WWE, "Supernatural," cockatiels, and the writing life. [Special shoutouts and thanks to Sharon for inviting me to join her Triberr tribe. Which I'm still trying to figure out. Baby steps...]
Zongrik: Prolific poet and aerospace engineer Bat-Ami Gordin's (@zongrik) blog of relevant, timely poems that make you think and enrich your day. Worth the visit.

So there you have it: complete and total randomosity, plus a few great blogs you may not have known you were missing!

Thanks again for the kudos. It's a joy to pass them along...

"The Rules": A 12-Step Process for Submitting Copy for a Professional Edit or Critique

2011-09-08T11:06:00.000-04:00

Confused about the process for garnering a professional edit or critique of your Magnum Opus? Fear not, intrepid writer! It's a simple 12-Step process. Here are The Rules:

1. Write something you love.

I have CREATED! I'm as happy as a pig in a puddle!

2. Polish it till it shines so brightly you can see your face in it.

3. Research the websites, magazines, publishers, or agents that want the sort of thing you write.

There's a great big world out there just waiting for me. I must discover where I fit into it.

4. Study what they're producing / printing / representing.

5. Screw up your courage.
(Alcohol in moderate quantities may be imbibed for crucial courage screwing.)

Relentless optimism is a bonus.

6. Choose from three to five websites, magazines, publishers, or agents to approach. Commit to submitting your Bright Shiny Object (BSO) to these entities.

7. Give your BSO first to a kind but discerning Beta reader. Request honest feedback & comments.

Tell me what you really thought. Go on. Say it. I can take it.

8. When criticism comes (and it will), do not overreact. Do Not Cry. Do not quit.

"Noooooooooooo!"

9. Take feedback & comments into consideration. Revisit your Bright Shiny Object. Buff it till it gleams.

10. Send the professional editor or kind critiquer the portions of your BSO you wish edited & critiqued. (No viruses or other computer nasties, please.)

11. Repeat Step 9. Then send BSO query to entities chosen in Step 6.

Run like the wind! I hereby unleash you upon the world!

12. While waiting for news, begin again at Step 1 with new project...

Did I miss anything? Let me know! Weigh in with your own process in the comments.

All photos from MorgueFile.com

Judging Flashes: Part II

2011-09-07T12:43:00.002-04:00

Well, @TheGlitterLady's #TuesdayTales has come and gone. There were a record 24 entries -- and all were well done.

I have officially decided that judging is only marginally easier than performing a root canal on oneself. I ended up with about... oh... 24 favorites. But one can't just say "everyone's a winner!" Life ain't perpetual kindergarten, yanno.

Every contest needs a winner. That's kind of the point...

There were so many good pieces that I ended up focusing on writing-craft things to narrow the field. I made myself get nitpicky about stuff like spelling, grammar, and word redundancy just to help whittle down the contenders. Sadly, this affected some of my first-glance favorites. But it helped me make my decision.

To see the entries and to try your hand at choosing the "Best" one, visit the Tuesday Tales #5 Challenge. I'll wait...

See what I mean? They're good, aren't they?

To see if you agree with my choices, see the posting of Tuesday Tales #5 Winners.

Judging wasn't new to me. We all do it every day -- though, perhaps, not in as public a forum. But each day I decide whether or not to pick up a book.

Once I pick a book up, I judge whether or not to read it all the way through.

Once I've finished reading it, I judge whether or not I thought it well done and worthwhile.

But I LOVE that car! My opinions are mine alone.
Something I love may leave another person as cold as a Michigan winter.

To illustrate: one of my best friends is taking a college literature course. An early assignment was to read Shirley Jackson's classic short story "The Lottery." Which my friend hated.

First published in The New Yorker in 1948, "The Lottery" was loathed by many. Readers cancelled their subscriptions (never a good thing in a managing editor's mind), the story was banned in South Africa, and Jackson received hate mail for months after publication. Her own family didn't like the story. But it's still here. It has been adapted for television, radio, live theatre, and (weirdly) ballet.

When I tweeted about the BFF's reaction, responses were predictably mixed. Some remember loathing the story and begrudging the time it took out of their high school lives to read it. Others remember liking, if not loving it. It stuck with them over the years. It bothered them. It made them think.

I guess the point is, different readers judge a story's merit on different criteria. One person's Thumbs Up is another's Thumbs Down Kill-Him-And-Get-It-Over-With. Our goal as writers isn't to make everyone love us. For starters, that's impossible. And it's not healthy.

Our goal, instead, is to first write something that we love. Then we can take it and share it with the world. With any luck, we'll find readers who share our opinions and judge us worthy of their time. We're writing for them. The rest can find something else to read...

Judging Flashes

2011-09-06T06:04:00.004-04:00

It is with extreme humility that I announce how honored I am to be chosen by Stevie McCoy (aka @TheGlitterLady) to judge her #TuesdayTales flash fiction contest today.

I love flash fiction: super-short complete stories that pack a punch are the literary equivalent of a triple espresso. Or a hit of 5-Hour Energy. Or stepping over an electric fence and discovering that it's still on. They hit you with a jolt that sticks with you long after you're finished.

According to Wikipedia, "flash fiction" is all about length. 6 words. 55 words. 78 words (Like the current Esquire Short Short Fiction Contest. It's free to enter and open till October 7. Check it out!). 100 words -- like Glitter Lady's #TuesdayTales.

But thanks to Twitter, "flash fiction" has also evolved to include a time limit. Many flash fiction contests last 24 hours... or less. And to make things fair, they often include a theme, word prompt, word (or words) that must be incorporated into the finished piece.

Some of my favorite Twitter Flash Fiction contests are Stevie's #TuesdayTales (on Tuesdays) and Tracey M. Hansen's, aka @THansenWrites, #HumpDayChallenge (on Wednesdays. Full disclosure: I'm a previous winner, so of course I'm gonna like Tracey's contest.) I'm sure there are others. If you know of any, feel free to mention them in the comments.

Really, what was Stevie thinking?
Perhaps someone dumped a 5-Hour Energy
into her espresso and then sat her
on an electric fence? That would explain it.

Today, I am the Grand Poobah She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed of Stevie's #TuesdayTales. As I said, I'm honored to be chosen. So, today -- and today only -- I'm going to ask you to stop reading MY blog and go read someone else's.

Go to Stevie's Glitter Word blog, follow her instructions, discover the Secret Word, and hit me with your best 100. Winner gets bragging rights and a way-cool blog button. Plus, I'm offering a special prize to the winner AND to the writer receiving honorable mention.

Oh -- and to thank you for reading all the way to the end (instead of cutting out early and skipping over to Stevie's place) -- here's a hint as to what I'm looking for in a knock-my-socks-off entry.

Labor Day is over. So is summer. School is in session. It's time for kids to buckle down and learn something. Well, we're all students at heart, right? So I'm going to give special preference to entries that make me think. I'm not talking the "Great! I finally get to use trigonometry after all these years" kind of thinking. I'm talking about the "WHOA! I didn't see that coming. But... of course. It's perfect... Hmmm..." kind.

You know what I mean. I can't wait to read what you come up with.

Lost Boys

2011-08-31T17:14:00.003-04:00

I blame Flat Stanley. He started it all.

When I was 5 and in first grade, I met Flat Stanley. He was so cool. Squashed nearly 2-dimensional by a falling bulletin board, Flat Stanley permanently changed the way I saw the world. When he stood sideways, you couldn't see him. When his mom lost her diamond ring down a roadside grate, she tied him to a piece of string, dangled him like a human yo-yo into the grate, and he retrieved her jewelry!

Oh, Calvin, you knew Flat Stanley, too. How I miss you both!

Yes, Flat Stanley started it all: my fascination with physics and my lifelong love affair with fantastical what-if-they-were-true stories.

Eventually Stanley and I broke up. I moved on and let other boys take me on wild adventures: First there was Henry Huggins. Then Alec Ramsey (my first real literary crush ~sigh~). Then Huck & Tom. Johnny Tremain. Bilbo & Frodo. Arthur & Lancelot. And hundreds of others.

Oh, I had girlfriends, too. Nancy Drew and I were very close. And Lucy Pevensie and I were practically inseparable. But the boys were my favorites. In real life, I couldn't be bothered with them (something for which my mother remains thankful to this day), but they heavily populated my reading.

This is why I found novelist Robert Lypsite's recent article "Boys and Reading: Is There Any Hope?" in the New York Times, so disturbing. “Boys don’t read,” it trumpets. A publishing executive is quoted saying that girls are publishers' primary readership. They want stories "about mean girls, gossip girls... and vampires." So that’s what gets published.

In other words, if you're a YA reader, you get to choose: Bullies or Bella.

Bother.

Though Huffington Post writer Charles London posits that “Boys today are consuming more text than at any time in human history. Adults simply are not valuing the reading that boys are doing,” it doesn’t change the publishers’ tune:

Boys don’t read. So male protagonists don’t sell.

I refuse to believe this. Here's what I suspect is closer to the truth: Boys don't read what's being published, so publishers have written them off.

I have to confess, if my primary options for topics to read about were “mean girls, gossip girls, and vampires,” I doubt I’d be a reader either. Does this mean that for every Bully Book that gets published, a book with the potential to be this generation’s Hardy Boys or Encyclopedia Brown gets rejected? Probably.

That’s not only tragic. It borders on the criminal.

What do you mean, “male protagonists don’t sell?” With that kind of attitude, kids will never meet another Harry Potter, Eragon, Artemis Fowl, or Stanley Yelnats. They won't meet characters they can relate to who to protect the weak, push through to the end even when things look bleak, and stand their ground and attempt the impossible.

Boys (and many, many girls) are not interested in choosing between Team Edward or Team Jacob. They could care less about bitchy frenemies. Frankly, statistics show that many prefer nonfiction to fiction. So why not give it to them?

Isn't publishing more books that cater to a different audience and create more lifelong readers way-the-heck more preferable than wringing our hands and lamenting the loss of the literary Y chromosome? 'Cause, frankly, if publishing sticks to the Bitches & Bloodsuckers route, odds are they're going to lose a lot of girls, too...

For great stats, advice, and titles hand-picked by guys for guys, check out Guys Read. Want to add your two cents to the discussion? Chime in on the comments. (No mean girls or vampires, if you please.)

Photos by Kevin Rosseel

Why We Think "I Want To Quit Writing!" And Why We Can't

2011-08-26T18:35:00.003-04:00

A writer friend sent me a copy of her most recent communique with a Fabulous Agent she'd met at a writer's conference. Here's what it said:

Subject: Your YA Manuscript Request

Dear Writer,

Thank you for sharing your work with me. First of all, I should note that you have the teen voice down -- this is incredibly important; I often meet editors who, when I ask them what they're looking for, say "Excellent voice." Well, you have it.

"I am not in love." The phrase fries my brain.

I enjoyed reading this—but, I'm afraid, I'm just not in love -- so I'm going to pass, with regrets.

Still, I do hope you will continue writing and sending out your work. If you haven't done so already, you may wish to look at The Jeff Herman Guide to Editors, Publishers, and Literary Agents - there, you should be able to find someone who's a better fit for your work.

Best of luck with this and future projects.

All best wishes,

Fabulous Agent

When forwarding the email to me, the writer in question included a frowning emoticon and the comment: I want to quit writing!

I know just how she feels. Which is why she can't. And, fortunately, she won't.

~I slump under the weight of failure and abject depression.~

If you've ever received a rejection (And if you're a real writer, you have. Just sayin'...), you probably know the feeling. Another "No." Another "We don't love you enough to take a chance on you." Another "I wanted it to knock my socks off, but my shoes are still on."

But that isn't what the agent is saying at all. Real writers take their agents' advice, right? Well, then, every writer should take this agent's advice.

I mean really: this is a LOVELY rejection letter. It should be lovingly framed and admired. It's personal, positive, and encouraging.

Remember: you don't like every book published. That doesn't mean that if you don't like a book, the writer should hang it all up.

I don't care for Stephen King's stuff, myself. (Please, King fans, don't try to convert me. Or point out where I've gone horribly astray. I didn't say he can't write. He can. He's excellent. Doesn't mean I like reading it.) I don't read his books unless they are assigned reading. I can admire his writing prowess, but his stuff is just not for me. If I were an agent, I could never dredge up enough enthusiasm for his work to sell it.

Of course, that doesn't mean he should quit.

Push on. For every rejection you get, sent out 3 more queries to well researched agents who handle the kind of stuff you write.

You may imagine placing the agent's head in your mouth
and squashing it like a grape.

When you get a rejection, you may do several things:

You may cry.
You may briefly overindulge on chocolate or gin or 80's ballads -- whatever's your drug of choice.
You may back awa-a-a-ay from your current Work In Progress for a day or two so as not to taint it with any self-defeating "I suck as a writer" content.
You may tell yourself that there is (unfortunately) one more person in the world whom you will not be adding to your Christmas card list.

You may NOT actually disembowel or denude
the publishing pro. Photo by Jeremy Wrenn

However, you MAY NOT:

Kick the cat / your kids / your spouse / a moving train / the bucket.
Write a nasty letter to the Fabulous Agent outlining where she went wrong and making dire threats against herself, her pets, or her family.
Allow your overindulgence of your drug of choice to render you incoherent for longer than 24 hours. Really: self-pity ain't attractive. It's also counterproductive to querying.
Quit.

Repeat: DO NOT QUIT!

You'll make it. But only if you hang in there.

Earlier this week, literary agent Rachelle Gardner posted this list of real rejection letters from publishers to agents. Some of those are brutal -- and every book mentioned eventually sold and did well. Imagine what would have happened if those writers gave up. All those success stories would have died a premature death.

Which would be tragic. Don't let that happen to you.

In short, I'll tell you what I told her: keep polishing what you've got. And keep on keeping on.

The Toothbrush Edit

2011-08-22T21:00:00.000-04:00

Our bathroom sink rests upon a vanity that has two doors. One hides three drawers in which we keep things like medication, razors, deodorant, and toothbrushes. The other contains various cleaning supplies and a small trash can.

When in stealth mode, I am invisible. Photo by Gracey Stinson

This morning I discovered that if one leaves the door to the trash open, our smallest cat will dart inside the vanity and… disappear.

Concerted searching yielded no cat in or around the trash. Like Lucy in the wardrobe, she was gone.

Now, I’m all for magic portals in my house that transport one to another world. But the skeptic in me refused to believe that Tiny Kitty had discovered it.

More thorough searching revealed the truth:

She slinks through a tiny open area and curls up on our toothbrushes!

BLEAH!

Of course, the cat was ousted and the brushes destroyed. But she went there with such purpose. Which makes me wonder how often she has done this particular maneuver. Without our knowledge.

This upsets you? HA! Wait'll you hear where else I've been sitting!

~all over body shudder~

The Great Toothbrush Incident is like editing.

I write it, and it’s great. I re-read it, and still think it’s great. Then my betas get hold of it. And, like a toothbrush full of cat fur, I suddenly realize that what I thought was necessary HAS TO GO! The sooner the better.

Of course, though I threw the toothbrushes out, I immediately got new ones. One must have daily oral hygiene. Likewise, the offending words must be replaced with newer, cleaner prose.

Minion! What have you done with my butt grooming salon?

The tendency, once I see a major problem in a work, is to berate myself and wonder how I could have missed it for so long. But that’s just counterproductive water down the drain. The important thing – more important than changing either tainted tools or text – is taking proper steps to ensure the problem never happens again.

We all make mistakes. We are all capable of learning from them. And we’re all capable of remembering to close the door to the vanity to keep the cat off the toothbrushes.

On Lost Loves and Missing Masterpieces

2011-08-17T22:35:00.000-04:00

That does it, Myrtle! You and I are through!
Pack your things and go! But leave the Cuisinart.
Photo by karpati

One December, I found out that a couple I had been friends with for years had separated and were in the early days of divorce.

Embarrassingly enough, I'd already sent their Christmas present (I was SO proud of myself when I got the presents in the mail for those I wouldn't see over the holidays, and for actually crossing one thing off my To-Do-Before-Christmas list). I guess they just had one more thing to fight over in deciding who got to keep the gift.

I was stunned. Of course I'm not privy to the inner goings on of other people's marriages (thank God!), but theirs seemed to work for them. They were both well-to-do and well-suited to each other, with strengths that complemented each other's weak areas.

I have watched my spouse lose his health, his career, the bulk of our income, and -- very nearly -- his life in the past few years. But I can honestly say that I am happy. I'm more in love with him now than I was when I married him 20-some years ago. We've spent a greater portion of our lives together rather than apart.

Sometimes dreams take people in differing directions. Still, it's a tragedy when that happens to people who once thought their dreams included each other.

My goal in life is to disprove "Money doesn't buy happiness."
Photo by Virenda Nyberg

It just goes to show you that $$ doesn't buy happiness. I wish that were a lesson the universe would see fit to try to teach me. I wonder how much money it would take to make me UN-happy. I'd love the opportunity to find out. (Would love to say, "Let's see. Current net worth: $3.5 million. The amount that Tom donated to Scientology this year. Hmm... Nope. Still happy. Must... Have... More!")

In a very real sense, writing and a marriage have much in common. For instance:

It is impossible to explain why one feels compelled to either write or marry.
Both writing and marriage take enormous amounts of dedication.
Both require constant vigilance to ensure quality and stability.
Both can be overwhelmingly fulfilling.
Both can drive one mad.
In writing, as in marriage, there are few things better when it's good... and few things worse when it's bad.

Difficult though it may be for you to believe,
my dreams never included this.
Photo by coopah.

Good writing, like a strong, happy marriage, is hard. Many gifted writers have given up and walked away from their craft. (E.M. Forster, the writer of "Howard's End" and "A Room With a View," reportedly quit writing abruptly. When asked about it, he complained that he'd simply lost control of his characters. They would have to do something specific in order to advance the plot, but instead they developed ideas of their own and refused to take orders from him. Eventually, he couldn't even get them off of a train. So he quit.) Just as many well-suited couples have broken with one another.

I find the whole thing extremely sobering. Just imagine how many masterpieces the world is missing because frustrated writers became disillusioned with the process and turned their backs on their muses. It's as tragic as vowing to love someone for the rest of your life, and then realizing that you can't keep your promise.

All photos from MorgueFile.

The Writer's Cardinal Sin Part II: A Case Study

2011-08-12T07:11:00.019-04:00

Yesterday, I ~~ranted~~ mused about what I view as the Writer's Cardinal Sin: being false to one's characters and making them act in such uncharacteristic ways that they destroy the audience's sense of entrancement. When this happens, the audience is rudely reminded that the characters aren't real.

Oh, you are so brilliant a writer. Fang and I are entranced.

Nothing will lose a writer fans faster.

That's why I am so mad at Jeff Eastin I could spit. Eastin created White Collar, one of the few shows that made me wish I still had TV. I own seasons 1 & 2 on DVD. The way season 3 is going, however, putting it on my WishList remains doubtful. The reason is that the show's writers have (in my opinion) committed the aforementioned Cardinal Sin.

Let's take just one random episode, say Scott Free, fer instance (though every episode this season suffers from Cardinal Sin Syndrome. But I digress...):

In this episode's opening scene, Peter bursts into Neal's apartment early in the morning, surprising him as he's making breakfast for his girlfriend, Sara, who has spent the night. A ridiculous exchange takes place in which Sara and Neal react with all the dignity of a couple of bumbling teenagers caught fooling around in the parents' sedan.

Really? This is what we get from a female character who repossesses luxury goods and thwarts insurance fraud by whacking the bad guys with a stick?

"Yes," you may say, "making a strong female character act like a blathering Homecoming Queen borders on the criminal. But male writers do this so often it's hardly a cardinal sin. It's more like an indulgence."

Your bungling irks me. And you made Fang's head explode.

I suppose ... But the whole "bursting into Neal's apartment at inopportune times" gag is played out with woeful predictability. The viewer knows it's going to happen. Wouldn't you think Neal would get a lock -- and use it?

One of the tenets of the entire series has been that con man Neal Caffrey is the best of the best, and only FBI agent Peter Burke has the chops to beat him -- and then, only barely. The first two years were spent building the case for Neal's criminal genius.

Now, don't get me wrong, the first two seasons have plot holes you could pilot a Nazi U-boat through, if you were so inclined. But the characters were so convincing -- so consistent -- that the viewer willingly suspended disbelief and followed in their wake.

For inexplicable reasons, however, this third year has been all about finding ways to pull loose threads and unravel the mythos of Neal's character. The writers have committed the Cardinal Sin of taking someone they've spent two years building up as brilliant and making him insufferably, unforgivably stupid.

With a capital "STU." I present Exhibit A:

Neal and sidekick Mozzie meet up with the Plot Point of the Week; a 20-something kid who steals from the rich and gives to the poor, who the feds are calling "the next Neal Caffrey," much to Neal's dismay. Knowing this kid is trouble, they take him to Neal's apartment. Which is in a big ol' mansion filled with tons of expensive stuff. Because, evidently, that's where you go when you have someone you don't trust and are lacking a budget for another set.

If I close one eye, maybe I can see your motives for this travesty...

In Season 1, Neal called in a favor to a friend and was able to put on a kick-ass rooftop party for the glitterati within hours. Now, the writers want us to believe that the only place in the entire city uber-smart Neal can take the brat while they work out a plan is his own home?

An all-night writers' drinking party is the only explanation for how this move was justified as a reasonable thing the character would do.

"Sinful, maybe. One of the Writer's 7 Deadly Sins (Laziness), perhaps. But not a Cardinal Sin."

Oh, there are so many other examples I could point to in just this single episode.

What have you done to my favorite characters? It's a train wreck. I can't watch.

Here's one: Neal and Mozzie have been unable to move any of their ill-gotten gains because they don't know what is listed on a partial manifest which Peter keeps in an easily-picked-with-a-spork drawer in his office. In this same episode, Neal successfully cracks an "uncrackable" safe. But his handler, who doesn't trust him, keeps the One Thing he's searching for within easy reach, and he doesn't find it?

For shame, writers! For shame! Neal's new name should be "Stu." And Peter's could be "Pid."

But the capstone is in the final scene.

Neal has finally gotten a bona-fide, unbreakable alias. It's perfect. It's permanent. He's had it less than 24 hours.

So where does he put his new passport? Not in a safe. Not a lock box. He doesn't open, say, a safety deposit box in his new name and keep his ultra Top Secret Important document there. Nope. Not our criminal genius.

The writers expect us to believe that he takes his new passport to his home and hides it in a hole in the wall.

Aaaaauuugh! You have betrayed my trust! I shall never forgive you! Never!

He doesn't lock it up. He doesn't even close up the hole. So Sara, of course, finds the new alias about 15 seconds after he's received it.

Well, butter my behind and call me a biscuit. S-T-U-...

In a single episode (sadly, in nearly every single episode) of the third season, the main characters behave in ways that are woefully inconsistent with their own history. Which is all the more unforgivable because there are about 64,000 ways to have written a story that was equally, if not more, compelling while refusing to heap a ton of stupid on the characters' heads.

Now, thanks to these 43 minutes of screen time, Sara doesn't deserve a grown-up relationship. Peter deserves to lose the manifest. And Neal deserves to get caught.

More to the point, both actors and fans of the series don't deserve such sinfully sloppy writing.

Take care -- take GREAT care -- when writing that you treat your characters and your audience with respect. Because it's much easier to make a fan than it is to regain one...

All photos by Alvimann, courtesy of MorgueFile.com.

How to Lose Fans & Alienate People

2011-08-11T07:00:00.001-04:00

The Writer's Cardinal Sin, Part I

My favorite part of any movie looks like this:

That's right: It's blank. Best part of most movies. Just loaded with promise...

Preview over. Lights down. I sit in the darkness, munching my popcorn, excited at the possibility that the next hour and a half or so will deliver. I want to see something that I can't wait to see again. Something I can add to my list of favorites. Something I wish I'd written.

Sometimes the characters alone
make the whole thing worth watching.
Photo by kakisky.

Sometimes cinema magic happens. I've seen Twilight, Penelope, Brokeback Mountain, Up, Ladyhawke, The Princess Bride, and Moulin Rouge more times than I care to admit.

(There will be a reckoning, one day, I'm sure. God will ask me what I did with my allotted time on the planet, and I'll have to account for the hours -- days? -- I've spent watching these & other titles.)

Sometimes it's just a pitch-perfect scene that does it for me; a scene so entrancing, with characters so compelling that it sucks me in every time I see it. Though the movie itself may be imperfect, one great scene can cover a multitude of flaws.

I want to be blown away; to see something I've never seen before... meet characters I never knew were missing from my life... have an experience that up till now I never knew was lacking. When that happens, unicorns poop rainbows, the planets align, and I am a fan for life.

Are you not entertained? Photo by Michael Richter

The writer's first job is entrancement. This is the art of getting someone else to take time out of her busy day, when she could be doing laundry, balancing the checkbook, bathing the dog, vacuuming, flossing, washing her whitewalls, or learning to make perfect creme brulee -- and spend it reading / watching YOUR stuff.

After that's achieved, you just have to keep people turning pages. Or tuned in. You've got them hooked. They're yours.

Unless you commit the writer's Cardinal Sin.

Ready? Here it is:

Writer's Cardinal Sin: Sacrificing your characters for your precious story.

When I bemoan writers who sacrifice their characters, I'm not talking about "the hero has to die" tragedy. No -- true tragedy arises because of the hero's fatal flaw. Heroes can die, cheat on their spouses, stiff their waiters, or fart audibly at funerals, as long as their actions are consistent with the characters your fans have grown to know and love.

What they cannot do is suddenly change into people they've never been who do things they should have never done because the writer wasn't bright enough to figure out how to write the story and keep the players consistent.

Ever wonder if you're committing the Big C.S.? Here's how to tell:

Committing the Writer's Cardinal Sin flushes all your
hard work in entrancing your audience right down the...
you know. Photo by jdurham.

If smart characters suddenly become stupid, if weak ones suddenly become strong, if dumb ones suddenly know more than your reader, or if sinners suddenly become saints, you're flirting dangerously with the unpardonable.

Few things will lose you readers, watchers, or fans faster than making a favorite character do something ... wrong. I don't mean something marginally out of character in order to prove a point or have some personal growth. That's not only OK; but it's expected. No, I mean Intentionally Wrong. The kind of Wrong that makes your audience go "Huh? Has the writer ever met this character before? 'Cause even *I* know the person wouldn't do that."

Those kinds of questions destroy entrancement. They bump the audience out of the story and make them realize that the writer is just human. Even worse, they drive home the realization that the characters aren't.

Have you ever encountered this Cardinal Sin? (In others' writing, of course; not your own...) If so, please comment below about how it affected your enjoyment of the work. If not, tune in tomorrow for Part II: a glowing example of what I'm talking about...

All photos from MorgueFile.

Animal Tendencies: 10 Reasons a Manuscript Doesn't Sell

2011-08-08T08:38:00.003-04:00

It's true: animals have far greater wisdom about some things than we do. They don't mask their emotions. They live in the moment. They readily abandon themselves to happiness and joy. And, as it turns out, they know about publishing.

Without further ado, I offer pictorial proof of animal wisdom: Ten visual reminders of why a manuscript might not sell.

1.) Way too much filler occurs between the story's beginning and its end.

223,000 words in my manuscript: and all must stay! Photo by Michael Ponton.

2.) Chronology is confusing.

This story doesn't know if it's coming or going. Photo by Emily Roesly

3.) All set-up; no action.

Check out this way cool scene, jam-packed with possibilities,
in which NOTHING HAPPENS! Photo by delboysafa

4.) Fuzzy logic.

He eats the poisoned frog because he HAS to. Don't you see?
Photo by Karen Miller.

5.) Missing pieces.

But the eyes are implied! They're in the subtext! Photo by xandert.

6.) It spells out the obvious.

Do you get it? Do you? Huh? Photo by Karen Miller.

7.) Too many "extras" obscure the story.

But the prose is so... PURPLE! Purple is my favorite color! Photo by anusharaji.

8.) Too much important stuff happens behind the scenes, without the reader's knowledge.

She lost her magic power to an evil wizard. It was really exciting.
Take my word for it. Photo by Matthew Hull.

9.) The story lacks perspective.

Then she broke a fingernail. It was the END OF HER WORLD! Photo by Mark Miller.

10.) Following the crowd. Vampires and werewolves have been done TO DEATH. Really. No lie. Here's a thought: write something original. From your heart. Please.


If all your writer friends looked to the left, would you? Photo by luisrock62.

All photos from www.morguefile.com

How to Know if You've Got What It Takes to Be a Writer

2011-08-04T11:31:00.001-04:00

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be a writer. How do I know if I've got what it takes?"

That, my friend, is a loaded question with one simple answer...

I've been having a spirited e-mail discussion lately with a talented writer whose work I've taken far too long to finish Beta reading.

My writing is imperfect! Therefore, I am worthless.
Photo by andi.

I've made comments on her manuscript such as: "I don't like this character very much right now," "He's annoying me with his passivity," and "I want to smack him!" These are not intended to make her tear up her manuscript and flush it and her writing dreams down the toilet. They are intended to help give her a window into one reader's thoughts on her book and make changes she sees fit that might improve the reader's experience.

This writer is very thin skinned. She tends to equate "This doesn't work for me" with "You are a worthless, talentless hack." She is not alone.

What do you mean REWRITE?!
Photo by Rupert Jefferies

I work with writers all the time who say they want honest criticism. And they do. To a point. But what they want more is validation.

I don't mean they need handled with kid gloves. But there comes a point during the litany of "here's where this goes astray" and "this whole section needs reworking" where their eyes glaze over and all they want to hear is, "This has merit. Keep going."

Without exception, my answer is: The project has merit as long as you can remain passionate about it. Because, I hate to tell ya, sweetheart, you're gonna re-write it a bazillion times before it's finished.

If you think that's a Bad Thing -- if the thought of rewriting your precious prose makes you want to crawl in a hole and lament the end of your creative dreams -- then perhaps it is time to rethink the whole Writer-as-Career-Choice decision.

I'll stay here. And my book will stay on my hard drive.
Photo by Scott Liddell

But if the thought of revisiting your characters and their world, spending more time with them and seeing how they can be made even better invigorates and excites you, then you've got what it takes!

'Cause, frankly, that's ALL it takes.

No one is born knowing how to put words together. No one instinctively understands plotting, or dialogue, or subtext, or character arcs. No one pops out of the womb with an innate grasp of imagery. Or poetry. Or knowing when to use "whose" and when to use "who's." Everyone who wants to write has to learn all that stuff -- and more.

Writing is a craft. It's a learned skill. Any time you find yourself thinking "I don't have the chops for this," what you really mean is "I need to expand my skill set."

No, dammit! Every word must stay!
Photo by Scott Liddell.

I had a lovely discussion yesterday with a producer who wants to work with me developing a script of mine that he likes. He has a proven track record. He has loads of experience and connections. He thinks my script needs some work.

This I see as a *good* thing. Because, in all honesty, the story is as good as I can make it on my own. The script has done well in contests. I've polished it to make it as shiny as I know how. But that doesn't mean it's perfect.

He gingerly approached the subject of reworking several aspects of the story. At one point, I cut to the chase and said, "You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings. If you have suggestions for improving the script, I'm all ears. Give me notes and let's talk."

He literally sighed with relief. Evidently, he was afraid I was going to be one of "those" writers who approaches rewrites with all the excited anticipation of a colonoscopy.

Want to know if you've got what it takes to be a writer? Put yourself in the editor's / producer's / publisher's shoes. Imagine going to you with suggestions for improving your piece. Now imagine your reaction. Then ask: "Could I work with me?"

If the answer is "yes," there you have it. You've got what it takes.

Now get out there! Show your work to people. Invite criticism from people whose opinions you trust. Weed through the comments for the recurring themes. Then roll up your sleeves and get to work!

All photos from www.morguefile.com.

Tips for Surviving the Pitch Session

2011-08-02T15:11:00.000-04:00

"Nobody knows anything," is screenwriting legend William Goldman's famous observation on the vagaries of Hollywood.

After attending the recent InkTip Pitch Summit in Burbank, CA, I'd like to modify that to: "Nobody knows everything." Oh, people know some things. They know what they want. They know what they don't want. But what one person knows (and wants) is very very different from what another knows (and wants). For instance:

1. Listen to the Pros
The day before the Pitch Summit was filled with classes for those of us who weren't 100% sure
about our pitching abilities. Agent Barbara Bitela, with three books in print, gave a spirited presentation on what makes a good pitch. Her advice:

Tell your story.
Show a little leg (with regards to your screenplay, darling!).
Be friendly.
Have fun.

She also gave a ripping read of some attendees' first pages, troubleshot major problems, and did her darndest to demystify the whole pitching process.

2. Don't Take Anything At Face Value
Don't go slavering all over the agents and representatives you meet. If they're the same place you are, chances are, they're as hungry for success as you. Ms. Bitela's three books are all self-published, and she's publicly touting her printed press releases in her professional bio -- two facts that would make me go "Hmmmmm" for a LONG while before signing with any agent.

Neither POD nor press releases mean she didn't know what she was talking about. But they're enough to put the brakes on any sort of runaway dream that a single person is going to be THE ONE who kickstarts my career.

3. Tell Them a Little About Yourself
One piece of advice I heard was "before launching into the pitch, tell the people listening about your inspiration for the story." This flew in the face of everything I'd ever heard, but -- surprise, surprise! -- it's (mostly) true. (See #4)

Our pitches were only allotted 5 minutes, from doors open to "Thank you, bye." Not a lot of time for revealing one's muse. However, several times when I led with what sparked my idea for a story, I had the producers on the other end of the table nod and say they preferred it when writers did that.

4. Don't Tell Them About Yourself
Ah, but not everyone wants to hear about your creative process.

The genesis for one of my scripts came to me after WunderGuy had a horrific allergic reaction to some new medication. That got me thinking "What if...?" and led to the creation of Shutters. which I consider a genuinely creepy screenplay. Most producers responded to my real-life-inspiration lead-in. But one told me, "If you pitch this script to anyone else, just start with the story."

~sigh~

5. Memorize Your Pitch
You need to have your story down. You need to know it backward and forward. That way, when you're in a room of 400 producers and 100 writers, all elbow-to-elbow, with 5 minutes to get their pitch out, you can just access your lines and deliver them with confidence.

I practiced what I was going to say, including, "Hi, I'm Ami Hendrickson," for a month before I went. No lie. I practiced my pitches while walking my dogs, driving my car, getting groceries, and sitting in the ER. I wanted to do everything in my power to deliver when the time came.

I was glad that I memorized my pitch because, after 5 straight hours of pitching multiple screenplays in 5 minute increments, I could access the This-Word-Comes-Next file without groping & "er"-ing. However, I also ran up against the reality of #6:

6. Don't Memorize Your Pitch
No one wants to hear words delivered by rote. A pitch is supposed to inspire people to engage you. You want them to ask questions ("How does it end?" "Do you have a one-sheet?") and get excited about your story ("Here's my e-mail. Send me the .pdf."). None of that's going to happen from memorized lines.

When you pitch, you are talking to a person. Or people. You aren't standing up on stage and delivering your lines. Talk to them. Smile. Laugh. Say something human. They don't want to do business with robotic automatons. Be someone they can see themselves working with.

7. Be Nice.

To everyone. All day. For a cautionary tale on how not being nice can kill your chances, check out my favorite Tale from the Script Pitch. Yes, it's true.

8. Have FUN!
I worried and stressed about going to the Pitch Summit. Regular readers may remember my pitching-is-like-exotic-dancing analogy. I stand corrected. Pitching is far more fun than I thought it would be. Because, you see, it's a chance to tell people my stories! Had I but known, I'd have gone to far more pitch fests.

All we writers want is for people to hear / see / read / know our stories. Well, pitching makes that happen. The Pitch Summit was like an all-day cocktail party in which people willingly gave me 5 minutes of their time to talk about any one of my screenplays I desired! How cool is that?

Unfortunately, too many writers there weren't having fun. They weren't enjoying their 5 minutes in the spotlight. They were stressed, whiny, and desperate. Honestly -- how often do you want to spend more time with people like that? Is it any wonder that they didn't have producers taking an avid interest in their stuff?

Lighten up! Enjoy yourself! Let your stories out of their hard-drive dungeons and give them a chance to breathe a little. Introduce them to people and see what happens!

I had 33 requests for one-sheets and 10 complete script requests from the Pitch Summit. Some writers there may have had more; some less. The numbers aren't the point. I met so many interesting writers, producers, directors, and development executives. I reconnected with friends I met at film festivals years ago. To me, that's what it's all about: putting yourself out there. Talking to people about your work.

You never know: all it takes is for one person to forget to say "no."

Here's wishing you a career full of "Yesses!"

What's your favorite Pitching Tip? I'd love it if you'd share your wisdom below.

Tales from the Script Pitch

2011-07-26T09:07:00.000-04:00

I just got home from the InkTip Pitch Summit in L.A. What FUN!

I hate sales, but love to tell stories. I’ve always equated pitching with “script selling.” If I had to choose between doing a sales pitch and sticking pins in my eyes, I’d be blind. But pitching isn't about the immediate sale any more than dating is about getting married immediately and setting up housekeeping. It's more about allowing both parties to get to know each other to determine if they think they want to work together.

You'll hear much more about the Summit in later posts. I'm still digging out from my pile of notes, 1-sheet and script requests, and contact information while trying to re-adjust to a 3-hour time difference and picking up my life where I left it.
However, I had to share my favorite story from the Summit:

Photo by Kenn W. Kiser, from www.MorgueFile.com

Four biker-looking producers are sitting at 1 table. I'm gonna pitch them my dark comedy. The guy before me (sports jacket, attache) passes out his very slick 1-sheets and leaves. All are interested in what he had to say.

When he's gone, the most badass looking of the 4 (black T-shirt, multi-colored tattoos) says quietly, "That guy nearly ran me over in the parking lot this morning."

"No!" Everyone says.

He nods. "Yeah. Got out of his car yelling at me. Cussed me up one side and down the other."

Like clockwork, the other three tore up the 1-sheets into tiny bits & tossed them away.

You just never know: the tough-guy biker might be the producer you're dying to meet! He might be the one you need to give your career the boost you've been waiting for.

In short, common courtesy may be the best pitching tool in your belt! And judging any human book by its cover is a long step off a short and slippery slope...

Be nice. Karma is real. So is poetic justice. It's not all about you. The publishing world and the entertainment industry are full of people who are ready and willing to listen to what you've got to say. But remember: You're pitching yourself as much as your story. If they know from personal experience that you're a self-centered boor, the best pitch in the world won't get you through the door.

Guest Blogger Maggie Mendus: In Praise of Poetic Structure

2011-07-07T13:34:00.002-04:00

NOTE: Today's guest blogger is poet, author, & blogger Maggie Mendus . I first met Maggie at a writer's workshop I taught. She has relentlessly pursued her passion: writing and publishing poetry.

Maggie is "a poet who writes to heal." A retired language arts teacher and a pianist, she is published in "The Eclectic Muse," "Romantics Quarterly," "Harp Strings," "Poets’ Forum Magazine," and "Sandcutters." She and her husband live in the wooded dunes of Lake Michigan. She is the author of Broken Consciousness.

Wait, don’t go anywhere. Just because you might not read poetry written in the classic forms doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I mean it. I was taught to write poetry in traditional forms, and I know the trend these days is free verse, sometimes very free.

Oh, I’ve been to those readings where some bearded guy with dreads sways in front of an audience, eyes closed, head thrown back, the dramatic glissando of his voice sliding between whispers and shouts. I try, but can’t follow his train of thought, and I don’t like being aboard trains that might derail. He’s a performance poet, for sure.

Now I have nothing against beards, dreadlocks, performance poets, or (well-written) free verse. But hey, what I’m hearing has to make some sort of sense. And these dudes go off down winding paths of wild emotion. Their angry tirades, political ravings, and decadent wanderings into love and sex never make sensible circuits with beginnings, middles and ends.

I keep an open mind. But traditional verse met me on the road and we became friends. No, the French villanelle wasn’t easy at first. But reading villanelles (same form as Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas) ignited something in me. I wanted to write one, too.

Why am I attracted to the difficult? Believe me when I tell you that my first attempts were macaroni and cheese compared to a delicate soufflé. But the detailed rhyme scheme kept my attention, and after a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I produced one, an original expression that obeyed the structures the villanelle imposes. I felt as if I’d passed some sort of test with flying colors.

"Poetic fences create boundaries." Photo by Jane M. Sawyer.

Of course that motivated me to write more, and the villanelle became my favorite form. Practice, like keeping my fingers nimble for the piano by playing scales, aims me toward success. I find the sonnet more challenging, but I like writing anaphora and terza rima. I write triolet, rondeau, pantoum, and other formal verse, finding that structure is freeing. Poetic fences create boundaries, and in traditional verse a line is just that, an exact number of syllables, a particular rhythm, a certain rhyme.

This quest urges me ahead and keeps me writing. In early March I published a book of 52 poems, BROKEN CONSCIOUSNESS: Reflections of an Epileptic , and all but one are in traditional form.

Why not try your hand at a poem in one of the classic forms? A great guide is Lewis Turco’s The Book of Forms , a worthwhile tool. Like me, you might resist….at first. But who knows? Also like me, you may become hooked.

A final word from Ami: I share Maggie's love of structure in writing. Some of my most rewarding writing is done within a strict structural framework. What are your thoughts? Are you a classicist? A student of structure? Or a proponent of chaos? Weigh in with your comments below. Extra points for comments written in structured verse.

Seize the Day: Surprise a Writer

2011-07-01T19:45:00.000-04:00

A writer's life is full of endless surprises. Main characters refuse to do the very things for which they were created. Villains become too compelling to destroy. Minor characters endear themselves and merit their own story lines. And then there's Real Life...

Wednesday started out like any other day. Horses, dogs, cats, & assorted flocks of fowls to feed... A beta read to continue for a Twitter friend... A request for a quick foreword edit from a blog visitor...

While perusing my Twitter feed, I saw blogger Tracey Hansen's Week 3 #HumpDayChallenge: Write a short story of no more than 100 words that featured the following 5 words:

Jelly. Memory. Greed. Stench. And legerdemain.

Entries had to be posted by 8 p.m., for judging by novelist Al Boudreau.

So after editing the foreword, I started working on a little something...

In the evening, while my daughter was in karate class I sat in the YMCA, finished up my entry and posted it -- 15 minutes before the deadline.

And then life hit me with the surprise:

I came home to discover that my wonderful husband, who has been doing really well lately, had stopped making sense. Which is not normal for the WunderGuy. Fearing that he was gearing up for a seizure, I packed him off to bed.

(I learned later that the "not making sense" was actually a sort of seizure in itself. I should have taken him to the ER immediately. If only he'd come with an operator's manual. Now I know...)

At quarter to 1 a.m., the fun started. Multiple tonic-clonic seizures, coupled with major ick-sickness, can totally ruin an evening. After the third seizure in 2 hours, I knew it was time to take him to the hospital. His right side wasn't working very well, but somehow (thank God) we got him down the stairs. He was exhausted, so I sat him on the chair to catch his breath while I called a friend to come and watch our daughter. WunderGuy began seizing again.

I dialed 9-1-1.

When the paramedics pulled into our drive a few moments later, he seized a 5th time. He spiked a fever (common after multiple seizures), was sick-sick-sick, and was completely comatose.

We got to the ER shortly after 3. They stabilized him and ran a bunch of tests: EEG, CAT scan, chest x-ray, blood tests. Nothing conclusive, except they're worried that he aspirated fluid into his lungs, so they gave him an antibiotic as a preventative for pneumonia.

These seizures, and the 4 hours or so leading up to them are very different than others he's had. Just this past week, his meds have switched from name brand to generic made-in-India because insurance won't pay for the "real" ones. I'm leaning toward a theory that says that's to blame. But what do I know?

We stayed overnight in the ER; got discharged shortly after 10 a.m. Dragged my butt home, put exhausted WunderGuy to bed, then muddled through the day trying to stay awake & be a mom to 8 y.o. (True confession, I did park her in front of a movie so I could catnap for an hour.)

So it was a wonderfully pleasant surprise to check in on Twitter and learn that I'd won the short story contest. (Want to read it? Here: NIGHTFALL.)

Aw, Gee. You made my day.

What did I win? Well, I'll tell ya, it was a virtual swag bag.

I won the right to display this bitchen, way cool badge of honor. I received a ton of goodwill congratulations from other contestants & Twitter followers. I got the satisfaction of seeing my fiction in print on a site other than my own. And I got a much-needed boost to my emotionally drained spirit that will propel me to fight (and write) yet another day.

In other words, the prizes were a gladly welcomed surprise.

Later (apres catnap and after ascertaining that WunderGuy was still breathing and cogent), I received another surprise. The person I'd helped with foreword editing sent me a Starbucks gift card in thanks. How nice. How thoughtful. And, given my insatiable penchant for coffee, how totally appropriate.

Now, neither winning the contest nor receiving free coffee has lessened my concern over my husband's well-being. They haven't helped me sign with my Dream Agent or contributed toward this month's mortgage payment. But both went a long way toward making a difficult day... bearable.

Want to make a writer's day? Surprise 'em! Some ideas:

* Tweet 'em up. If you're both on Twitter, post a less-than-140-character note telling the world how great your Exceptional Writer Friend is.

"You are SO cool!" photo by Mary R. Vogt / MorgueFile.com

* Blog 'em big. If you have a blog, write a post about something your friend does that you admire. Especially if the thing you admire is writing-related. Most writers get way more rejections than kudos thrown their way. Having someone specify how they don't suck can do more than you know to bolster a writer's flagging spirits.

* Leave a comment. If your writer friend has a blog, say something in the comments section. Drop a note saying how much you appreciate the friendship, the insight, the craftsmanship, or the humor. Go public with your recognition. It can make someone's day.

It's the little surprises that make life worth living.

* Send a snail mail. Eschew technology and go old school. Get tangible. Break out the pen and paper or pick up a card, write a note of encouragement and approval, and send that puppy.

* Send 'em something special. Thanks to the twin miracles of PayPal and online gift certificates, it doesn't take much time or money to send a certain special sumpthin'. Even a $5 gift eCard for their favorite bookseller, coffee shop, movie theatre, or other vice goes a long way. It's a great way to say, "I believe you're going to make it."

So go ahead, make someone's day. You might find it brings a smile to your face as well: Surprise!

Writing is to Pitching as Diving is to... Dancing?

2011-06-27T17:07:00.000-04:00

Writing is like scuba diving. The writer floats, cocooned and alone, exploring a foreign world. Danger lurks if one doesn't plan well, but myriad treasures await discovery. It's quiet. Peaceful. An intensely personal experience.

Sometimes the writing experience is a virtual treasure trove of brilliance:

Picture perfect photo by Clarita from www.morguefile.com

Sometimes more craft than creativity is required for survival:

Thanks to heirbornstud for this photo from www.morguefile.com.

It's true, that not all underwater environments are equally interesting. If, for instance, I were to stay close to home, my options are limited to the frigid, murky waters of Lake Michigan, where I might expect to see:

By Ladyheart from www.morguefile.com

In order to have a more satisfying diving experience, with pristine water and exotic experiences, funding must come from somewhere in order for me to see this:


Sadly, no sea turtles swim in Michigan lakes. Photo by Bandini from www.morguefile.com

In order to get funding for one's grand adventures, one must pitch the publisher / producer / studio. And while writing may be like diving, pitching is more akin to exotic dancing.

A different skill set. Pic from Dave at www.morguefile.com.

The problem is immediately obvious: diving is insular and self-exploratory. Exotic dancing: not so much. Furthermore, excelling at one involves a completely different skill set than excelling at the other.

I'm sure there are many accomplished divers who are equally fantastic at shaking their groove thang on stage. But in my mind, the two professions are at opposite, er, poles.

"I'd rather be diving." photo courtesy of Mary B. Thorman from www.morguefile.com.

For me, the toughest part of being a writer isn't the writing. It's the pitching. I love talking with people, schmoozing, and diving into new stories, characters, and plots. But I hate the thought of doing it for money.

My established writer friends have repeatedly told me it's not my writing that holds me back; it's that I'm not "putting myself out there." And I am not alone. I know many talented writers who can knock your socks off with their written words, but who equate "pitching for a sale" with "taking your clothes off for money."

Well, no more. It's time, dear writerly friends, to stop paddling around in our own little puddles. Time to get out of the water and cast aside our prudish notions of pitching. We need to learn to dance as well as to dive.

To all aspiring and not-yet-where-I-want-to-be-in-my-career writers out there, I propose this: go dancing! Spend at least half as much time learning how to pitch as you do working on your writing.

Get out there. Go to at least one conference, pitch session, or networking event this summer. Take notes. Practice your dance moves in a mirror and in front of friends before you take the stage. But take the stage!

No one is born knowing how to write. Or dance. Both are learned skills. We owe it to ourselves, our characters, our worlds, our supportive friends & families, and our careers to study both. Because no one believes in our writing as much as we do.

Tips for Tackling the Rewrite

2011-06-14T14:15:00.000-04:00

Every writer knows the drill:

* My manuscript is done! I'll just hand it to my editor for a quick polish. I rock!

* AACKK! What's with all the markups? I thought it was done. Now I see it's just doomed. I suck.

* It's lurking on my hard drive, taunting me. I can't bring myself to open it. I'm overwhelmed.

Time passes. One day...

* ~Pulls on big-girl panties. Opens file.~ Time to get to work. I will.

Rewrites can be hard. Oh, the actual work is rarely all that difficult. But getting into the correct mindset -- one that revels in the challenge instead of wanting to sit rocking and muttering in a dark corner -- can be brutal.

I recently worked with a writer who thought his manuscript was ready for my editorial services. Instead, it's in need of a rather drastic rewrite. I worded my thoughts on the matter as delicately as possible, but I know they probably still seemed harsh.

Every writer wants a reader that says: "This is fantastic! I loved every single word!"

Anything less is a letdown. Which means no one wants to hear: "This manuscript is not yet ready for an editor. It first requires a significant amount of rewriting and polishing."

Agony. Cue Bon Jovi's "Shot Through the Heart." Set it for infinite repeat play...

But rewrites don't have to be painful. Some tips for getting through them.

1.) Break Up With the Current Manuscript

Your love affair is over. The words in their current form are NOT perfect. The sequencing and story line needs work. Accept that though your eyes see only assets, other (more objective) eyes see major flaws.

So be strong. Break it off. Tell the book that it's over. No matter how much it begs or bribes, you and it are through. You want out of your existing relationship. You're going to pick up the pieces and move on.

Photo by Scott Liddell from www.morguefile.com

2.) We Can Still Be Friends (With Benefits)

A rewrite doesn't mean that you throw everything away and start from scratch. Instead, it's an opportunity to redefine your relationship with your story and keep only what works best.

Keep a copy of the old manuscript somewhere. No matter what happens in the rewriting process, the original story will still exist. You can always go back to it, if you need to. (Once the rewrite is underway and the story gains new strength, you'll be surprised at how rarely you wish to revisit the past.)

3.) Don't Plan the Wedding Before the Date is Over

Rewriting doesn't mean the time already spent on the manuscript is wasted. It just means that more time is required to make sure the project is viable. Beware of rushing headlong into querying or self-publishing. Take your time and enjoy the process.

When beginning a rewrite, I suggest revisiting your original outline (and, if non-fiction, your existing Table of Contents). Rewrite in bite-sized pieces, chapter by chapter.

Start with Chapter 1. Determine exactly what you want it to convey. Know how you are going to hook your reader and keep him or her turning pages. Rewrite it for sentence and paragraph clarity. Then give that chapter to a few trusted Beta readers. Ask such questions as "Is this clear?" "Is it compelling?" "Would you keep reading? Why or why not?" (For further ways to make the most of your Betas, see A Cheat Sheet for Beta Readers.)

Polish Chapter 1 until it is as good as you can possibly make it. Then turn your attention to Chapter 2.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

4.) Focus on the Relationship

A rewrite affords an opportunity to delve deeper into whatever compelled you to begin the book in the first place. Re-examine your rationale. Do you still subscribe to the theories you had when you began writing? If so, are they clearly explained in your book? If your theories have evolved, how can you use your change of heart to strengthen the project?

A rewrite also allows you to re-evaluate the relationships within the work. Can you ratchet up the dramatic tension between the protagonist and antagonist? What about between the hero and heroine? Can you add layers to your primary (and secondary) characters that will enrich the story and, ultimately, enrich the reader?

Of course you can. And every time you improve upon a relationship within the text, remember to rejoice that you had the opportunity to do the rewrite. The work would have suffered without it.

*****

What's your best tip for rewriting? What helps make the mere thought of undertaking a rewrite bearable? Add your tips to the comments below.

Advice to a New Author: Before You Hire an Editor

2011-06-08T10:17:00.000-04:00

While trolling Craigslist for a suitable shed I could turn into a chicken coop, I ran across a post from a "new author" that said, in part: "I have a manuscript and desire an editor to review and make suggestions... any insight anyone can give me would be helpful."

Since I'm a sucker for new writers asking for help, I contacted the poster. A lengthy e-mail dialogue ensued. So many of his questions were common for writers who have finished a manuscript only to wonder "NOW WHAT?" So here is my two cents' worth of advice:

Photo by Scott Liddell from www.morguefile.com

1. Betas Before Brass Tacks

If you have just finished your manuscript, you may be more in need of a beta reader than an editor. You could pay me or any competent editor to perform that service for you as well, but you may be further ahead to first find 2 or 3 readers familiar with the genre in which you write. It might be advisable to wait for a professional edit until your beta readers have read and reviewed your manuscript and offered their views on the structure and content.

2. Be a Savvy Shopper

All editors are not created equal. Some charge by the hour. Some charge by the job. Some charge by the word or the page. Solicit several quotes, both for turnaround time and estimated charges. Then, do the math necessary to compare apples to apples so you know what you're agreeing to.

For example:

I charge from $1 to $2 per page for editing. Quick reads with minor corrections bill at the low end. Major edits, fact checking, formatting and consistency issues, and revisions that take more time bill at the high end. On average, a 100K manuscript has 300 pages. (Properly formatted, with 1" margins and double spacing, 250 words per page is the rule of thumb.) The math is pretty simple.

I know of one "editing service" for a vanity press that charges between $.018 (for light copy editing) and $.029 (for major editing) per word. While, on the surface, this looks inexpensive, simple multiplication reveals that you'd be paying between $4.50 and $7.25 per page. The same 100K project could cost between $1,800 and $2,900. (This is significantly higher than every competent freelancer I know.)

It's true, cheaper isn't always better. But it's worth your while to know ahead of time what you can expect to shell out.

3. Know What To Expect

When bidding a major editing project, I typically edit the first 3 to 5 pages free of charge. That gives me the opportunity to see how much editing and revision the work requires so I can make an informed bid. It also gives the author the chance to see the sorts of changes and comments I provide, and to determine whether he or she thinks we can work well together. If the editor you've chosen has a different bidding policy, you might want to ask for an edit of only a few pages at first to make sure the two of you are compatible.

Some editors differentiate between their fees for a light copy edit (primarily grammar, spelling, and punctuation) and a major manuscript edit that includes formatting, continuity, construction, plot, and other big-picture things. Know what you want. Know what you need. That way, you'll understand what you're paying for.

4. Do Your Homework

When hiring an editor, get testimonials from former clients. If a freelance editor is reluctant to provide you with the names of satisfied customers, consider that a red flag violently waving in warning. Take a few moments to check out some of the books they've edited. If at all possible, scan through them or read a chapter. Notice the editing in the book and pay attention to how it "reads."

5. Remember: You're the Writer

Don't expect your editor to rewrite your book. That's why God created ghostwriters and co-authors. Truth be told, most editors are perfectly competent to do rewrites. But when I wear my ghostwriting / co-authoring hat, our relationship changes. So do my rates.

Turn in your best, most polished product to an editor.

Editors don't mind misspellings and rough edges. We live for finding typos and errors in parallelism. We relish discovering plot holes and inconsistencies. What we don't take kindly to, however, is a client who turns in a rough draft expecting us to wave our magic Word wand and make polished, publishable prose. You're the writer. If you expect the editor to do a great job on your manuscript, be willing to step up to the plate and do your job first.

6. Do Not Argue With the Nice Editor

...Because, really, life is just too short.

(I found my chicken coop, by the way: A lovely 8 x 8 structure, complete with windows and a mini-loft that weighs a freaking ton.

Moving it was a total dog and pony show that involved, at one point, my friend holding a 10 foot section of 4" PVC pipe above his head to hoist up the electrical wires that hung too low over the road so the trailer and shed could inch underneath. But I digress...)

Have you every worked with a freelance editor or are you an editor? Please share any pertinent words of wisdom for new authors (or for chicken coop movers) in the comments below.

Ready? Set? WRITE! - 4 Easy Ways to Boost Your Word Count

2011-05-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

The hardest part of writing, for me, is making myself to do it.

It's not that I'm not inspired. It's not that I have nothing to say. It's not that I don't know what to say. It's just the sheer difficulty in carving out a time slot of uninterrupted writing time.

I have no problem setting clear writing-time boundaries when I'm on deadline for a client. I can work without stopping for hours on end when it's someone else's project on the line. But when it's my own stuff -- particularly my own spec stuff -- the dynamic changes. Working on my own stuff is such a guilty pleasure, it's easy for me to start believing that I should be doing something "more productive."

I can have three blissful, unscheduled hours stretching ahead of me. I'll think: Great! I'll get so dang much accomplished! I'll finish the next few chapters and really make progress on the work in progress.

But instead of writing several thousand words and emerging three hours later flushed with writerly victory, what too often happens is this:

Hour 1

-- I'll just throw a load of laundry in the wash. It won't take much time. That way, I can be productive and not feel too badly about taking time out of the day just to write.

-- While I'm at it, I might as well feed the dogs. And water them. And let them outside. That way, they won't be bothering me when I'm in the middle of my magnum opus.

-- Good Lord, just look at this dog hair! People are going to think I live in squalor. I can't write knowing this is wafting about. It won't take long to clean up the worst of it.

-- Where's the dustpan? And the broom? It can't be that long since I used them. (Frantic search ensues.)

-- Ah! There they are, over by the pop cans I need to return. After I clean up the dogs' area, I need to remember to...

-- Let dogs in.

-- ...I need to remember to put the cans by the front door so I don't forget to take them in the next time I go to the grocery store. In fact, I'll do that right now.

-- EEeew! Is that a tick!? Whew, no. Thank heavens. But it IS tick season. Blasted blood suckers. I better check each dog thoroughly, just to be safe.

-- The washer's stopped. Is it broken? Oh -- the cycle's finished. Already! Where did the time go? Well, while I'm here, I might as well put the clothes in the dryer...

Hour 2

-- At least I'm out of the basement! Only 2 hours left to work, but that's still plenty of time to get stuff done.

-- Holy cow: 37 emails?! I just cleaned out my inbox this morning. Maybe there's something important in there. I should take a look...

-- OK. All set. Ready to write.

-- (Six sentences later.) For my work in progress, I need to know what movies were showing in August, 1985. I'll just jump online. This won't take long...

Hour 3

-- SWEET VIDALIA ONIONS, look at the time!

-- My coffee is cold. Can't create without coffee. It won't take long to brew a fresh pot.

-- While it's brewing, I'll just jump on Twitter and see what I've missed...

-- Ok, coffee's ready. Now I'll get back to-- Look at those dishes in the sink. It'll only take a few minutes to wash them up. Then the place will look like someone lives here who cares.

-- Coffee's good. Wish I had coffee cake to go with it. It wouldn't take long to-- NO! Dagnabbit, no! I'm not going to bake anything. I'm going to write!

-- (Six sentences later.) Look at the time! I better start supper now, if we're going to eat at a decent time...

Maybe I'm all alone in this. Maybe I'm the only one who combats the demon of Writer's Guilt. I certainly hope so. But if not, allow me to share 4 simple ways to curb the imp and unleash the words to fill the blank page.

Inside every hour is a caged wordcount desperate for freedom.

1.) Write or Die. As the inimitable Dr. Wicked himself explains, Write or Die "encourages writing by punishing the tendency to avoid writing. Start typing in the box. As long as you keep typing, you’re fine, but once you stop typing, you have a grace period of a certain number of seconds and then there are consequences." These consequences are severe enough to make it more worth your while to plow ahead with your writing than, say, take the laundry from the dryer and begin folding your socks.

2.) #Wordmongering. If you're on Twitter, this hashtag can provide an excellent kick in the seat of your creative pants. Simply give those who follow the hashtag the heads up. Then, beginning at the top of the hour, write like the wind! At the end of 30 minutes, tally up your word count and post it. Do what you like for the next half hour, then start again. The #wordmongering tweeple are some of the greatest cheerleaders on the planet. They celebrate all successes (no matter how small), provide great camaraderie, and encourage progress.

3.) Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is. If working on your spec script or novel seems self-indulgent, a great incentive can be to put yourself on deadline as if you were working for a client. Saying you need to write 3 pages a day, or 1000 words a day, or a chapter a week is one thing. But it ups the ante if you commit to paying a penalty if you don't make your goal. A great tactic is choosing a worthy charity (Heifer, International and First Book are some of my personal favorites) and donating $10 for every day you don't make your writing word count goal. That way, even if you don't write, everyone wins!

4.) Find an Accountability Partner. You are not alone. The world is swimming with other writers who want to finish their projects. Find one and make a pact. If you're both starting from scratch, commit to finishing a full-length project in a given time. You might allot 6 months to finish a novel. Or 1 month for a novella. Or 3 months for a screenplay. Come up with a time frame that's both challenging and doable. Set mid-range "reality checks" every week or month. If you're not on track via word- or page count at each reality check, you owe your accountability partner something tangible (Amazon.com gift certificates work really well, I find).

These are my favorite incentive-based ways for forced productivity! What did I miss? Share your tips for boosting word count. Meanwhile, I've got to go let the dogs out...

Guest Post: My First Writer's Conference: What's the Worst that Could Happen? Pt.II

2011-05-23T13:28:00.000-04:00

(NOTE: I welcome back guest blogger and YA writer Lisa K. to MuseInks. When I heard of her experience at a recent writer's conference, I asked her to share her insights with my readers. She shared Part 1 of her experience on Friday. Today -- the rest of the story...)

After lunch and four cups of hot tea, I am refreshed and ready to tackle the publisher’s course titled, “Getting to the Heart of Your Story.”

Publisher (introduction paraphrase): “I work at X publishing company where writers dream to be published. Don’t send me your stuff, I will shred it. You have to have an agent and then I’ll still probably shred it anyway. I can take three months to a year getting back to your agent. I can do this because I work for THE number ONE publishing company for children and don’t YOU forget it!”

Yikes! I start to cower in my seat.

Publisher: “Does anyone know what a plot is?”

I think: This is right up my alley. I’ve taught literature for almost 20 years. I know it. I’ll raise my hand.

Publisher: “You, what do You THINK a plot is?”

I’m called. NOW I can dazzle her…

Me:“A plot is a series of events starting with an introduction which leads to a rising action that goes to the highest point of the story which is…” I’m brilliant!

Publisher (cutting me off): “Yes, I guess it is that one way to define it.”

What? My definition is correct. I was teaching this when you were still in grade school.

Publisher: “Here is a picture of a cliff. This is what plot is.”

No, it’s not. You need to have a falling action and a resolution, not a conflict and then nothing…

Publisher: Let’s do an exercise. I will give you two minutes fill in the following blanks.”

******* Actual exercise:

Jane is _________________

Jane gets lost in _______________

Jane is _______________________

It begins to rain.

Jane sees ______________________

Jane feels _______________________

The End

******

Bell goes off after two minutes. I am done anyway. Publisher asks for picture book volunteers. A few people read their story out loud.

Publisher: “Hmm, that’s okay but it’s kind of lame and boring.”

Yikes!

Publisher asks for middle grade. A few more people raise their hands. Same thing occurs.

Publisher asks for YA – No one raises hand except ME! Double Yikes!

I read:

Skinner is 16.

He gets lost in reality.

He is baffled by his parent’s ignorance.

It starts to rain.

Skinner sees his own shadow.

He can’t take it anymore; he runs away and auditions for a popular singing reality show.

On the show, he makes it to the top ten. He doesn’t win, but has a CD contract and becomes the number 1 singing artist of all time.

Publisher: “Well, interesting. You didn’t use the name Jane though. Can I see this?” (Reads it out loud again.) “This is actually pretty good for two minutes, huh…”

Publisher gives it back and talks about something totally different.

Me (to myself): Say what? What just happened?

Lady next to me: “She liked your writing, aren’t you psyched?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess.”

Time passes slowly in the frozen tundra room. I drink so much tea that I have to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes.

Finally, 3:55 arrives. The time I have been dreaming of the whole conference. It is now that I get to meet privately with Publisher and see what she says about my first five pages.

I paid for this time separately. I sent in the pages two months ago just for the next ten minutes…

Publisher: “Well, you’re ambitious for taking on these heavy topics for teens. But, I don’t like it.”

(My book deals with cyberbullying, peer pressure, and teen suicide.)

Me: “Huh?”

Publisher: “The voices don’t sound authentic. It does not flow. Teens aren’t going to want to read this.”

I don't want to be argumentative, but I've done my research.

Me: “Umm, I gave it to a library panel of about fifteen or so teens and most of them loved it. In fact, an 18 year-old male told me I was right on target with the language.”

Publisher: “Oh, well, teens aren’t the ones publishing your book. Agents and publishers are!”

True, but...

Publisher: “Look at the time, it’s up. Listen, your writing's good, I will say that from the exercise we did. Send me five pages of another novel and I’ll consider it. It needs to be post marked by June 8 and sent to this address.”

Publisher hands me a card, stands up and says, “Bye now.”

Something else? I don’t have something else.

Well, I do have this one idea...

So, I get busy writing my “something else” for her. I don't want to miss my chance at having my writing go through a big time publisher's shredder!

All in all:

At my first writer's conference, I met some wonderful writers, but the agent and publisher acted too big for their britches. I'm sending my stuff anyway. You never what could happen!

Lisa blogs at YAEdgyDark. She's hard at work writing one novel while polishing up another.

Guest Post: My First Writer's Conference - What's the Worst that Could Happen? Part I

2011-05-20T15:31:00.000-04:00

I welcome guest blogger and YA writer Lisa K. to MuseInks. When I heard of her experience at a recent writer's conference, I asked her to share her insights with my readers.

Ami asked me to say a few things about the last conference I attended on April 29-30. This was my first writer’s conference so I didn’t know what to expect. It was geared to children’s writers and illustrators and since I wrote a YA novel, I thought I would fit right in.

Yes and No.

Day 1: Friday

I drive three plus hours to the hotel where the conference is being held. Check in and am excited to begin my journey and “wow” the reputable agent and publisher who reviewed my manuscript.

At night about twenty of us hopefuls gather in a meeting room to have a two minute read (there is a bell that stops you when your time’s up) to the group. Listeners have 20 seconds to jot down positives and negatives of the read. The agent and publisher are among the audience.

Since I am early, I sign up to be number 4 – not the first, but still in the top so people won’t be too bored. I have read my chosen pages to my writer’s group so I know it’s not that bad.

I read two pages, get belled and sit down. The next 10 writers do the same. I sit through many picture books, rhyming books and who knows what else. My piece is the only YA.

I paid for this?
Photo by Dani Simmonds,
from www.MorgueFile.com

During writer number 12’s reading, the agent and publisher get up out of their seats and leave. Right during the reading! I am floored to say the least. They never return. This is my first taste of the two.

Day 2: Saturday

Next day starts at 8, I try to forget about the rudeness and want to “Wow” them and soak up all of their knowledge. After all, they are the “professionals.”

I listen to a writer’s motivational speech on the hardship of being published and see her collection of rejection letters. It is a wonderful speech which shows the progression of the publishing process. The woman has been published for the last ten years and has a diverse collection of children’s verse.

Now I am inspired. The room is freezing, but I am ready to get published. If she can do it, so can I.

The next speaker is the Big Time Agent on query letters.

I sign up to listen. (I paid to come here and hear her insight on “How to get out of the Slush Pile.”) I am ready to take notes and learn. Before the conference, writers could submit a one page query to get it critiqued. I missed the deadline, so I will have to settle for taking notes and absorbing the information.

Big Time Agent: “I am a twenty something-year old agent and work for a firm that you can only dream of getting in. I work in New York, not some hick town like we are in now. I am above you peon writers, so, don’t you forget that.”

Orange is beautiful.
Photo by mxruben from www.MorgueFile.com

(BTA picks up a query) “Let’s see who wrote this. Oh, it’s XXXXY’s. Let’s see if it’s any good. Listen to this: it starts off with, ‘Is your favorite color orange?’ Of course it isn’t orange. That’s a stupid way to start off. You never start off with a question. Whose is this again? Who would like the color orange anyway?”

(BTA looks around the room; sees a cowering woman. Points her finger at the woman.) “Is this YOURS?”

Woman (trying to hide): “No, it isn’t.” (Points to her name tag.) “See, my name is YXXX.”

Big Time Agent: “Hmm, so it is. Well XXXXY, don’t ever send crap like that to me.”

Yikes! I am so glad Big Time Agent does not have my query!

Everyone at my table feels the same way. An hour of this ridicule goes by. Query after query of pointing and seeing people quivering in their chairs. I paid for this?

*** Tune in here on Monday to learn the rest of the story.

Have you had a similar writers conference (or other conference) experience? What behavior do you expect from presenters at conferences? Share your thoughts below.

Lisa blogs at YAEdgyDark. She's hard at work writing one novel while polishing up another.

Rejection Letter Mad Libs

2011-05-17T14:10:00.000-04:00

(Note: This is a re-worked, re-written, re-posting of the original "Rejection Letter Mad Libs" post of May 11 that was lost during Blogger's snafu-ridden outage. Blast it all. Humble apologies to those who commented on the first post. I am sorry your words were also lost. >:@ )

********

"We have received and reviewed your recent submission. Unfortunately, it is not what we are looking for at this time."

For the same reason that not every first date ends in matrimony, not every query letter ends in a sale. No writer, regardless of talent or work ethic, escapes rejection. It's one of the many sad truths of working in the publishing industry.

(Another truth is that once you do get published, your workload increases. No laurel sitting for any writer who wishes to remain in print. But that's the topic for another post on another day...)

Photo by Rachel Montiel, from www.morguefile.com

Sometimes, an industry pro takes the time to pen a personal rejection. I am always grateful when that happens, for it can offer insight into why a particular work didn't connect with a reader.

Several months ago, before my novella had convinced me that it merited becoming a Real Novel, I submitted it to one of the few novella publishers. It's a quirky, darkly comic noir that I find hilarious. Several of my beta readers do too. I received a rejection letter that said good things about my writing in general, but that had nothing good to say about what I wrote. (I got the distinct impression that it genuinely disturbed the publishing pro.)

Now, if I had been going for "profoundly perverse," I'd have been thrilled. But I wasn't. So, as I fleshed the story out, I paid particular attention to the pro's concerns and addressed them in case others might share his sensibilities.

I doubt that my project will ever fit within the publisher's comfort zone and won't inflict the manuscript upon him when the novel is finished. I am grateful to him, however, for voicing his issues in the rejection letter.

Though reading rejection letters to famous authors can be cathartic, hearing "No" with regards to your work still stings.

Sadly, most rejections these days show about as much creativity and passion as a phone book. They tend to be tepid and generic -- with an unstated underlying fear of having harsh words thrown back in the industry pro's face when the genius manuscript they rejected finds a publisher and goes supernova.

I haz solushun.

As promised in my last post, offering a Mad Libs solution to query letters, I hereby humbly suggest the Mad Lib Rejection Letter. And why not? After all: what's good for the muse is good for the gatekeeper.

****** REJECTION LETTER MAD LIBS *******

STEP 1: Fill in the blank with the indicated words:

* Author Name: ____________________

* Noun: ____________________

* Title of Manuscript: ____________________

* Infinitive Verb: ____________________

* Infinitive Verb: ____________________

* Adverb: ____________________

* Exclamation: ____________________

* Adverb: ____________________

* Noun: ____________________

* Adverb: ____________________

* Name of Publishing Professional: ____________________

STEP 2: Insert your answers in order into the following rejection letter where indicated:

Dear (Author Name):

Thank you, from the bottom of my (noun) for submitting (Title of Manuscript) for my consideration. Reading it caused me (infinitive verb) and (infinitive verb). Upon finishing it, I (adverb) shouted (exclamation)!

(Adverb), I must pass on this project. It would be too hard on my (noun).

(Adverb),

(Name of Publishing Professional)

***********

What's your opinion: would you prefer personal (and potentially scathing) rejections? Or would you rather have the benign "thanks, but no thanks" form letter? Also, if you have a favorite rejection letter story, I'd love it if you shared it below.

Query Letter Mad Libs

2011-05-03T13:53:00.000-04:00

Remember Mad Libs?

Our 2nd Grade English Workbook.

For those who've forgotten (perhaps it's been awhile since you were in 5th grade) you come up with examples of random parts of speech:

* Plural Noun = Noses!
* Adjective = Fuzzy!
* Adverb = Silently!
* Verb = Swim!

You then use the answers to fill in blanks in a pre-written piece:

"Cooking (plural noun) is easy. Begin with (adjective) eggs. Beat them (adverb), then (verb) them into a hot skillet."

I've been using Mad Libs for the past month or so to help my 8 year old daughter enjoy mastering the various parts of speech. Eight-year olds, you may know, learn well when presented with absurdity. For long-term concept retention, it's hard to beat cooking noses and fuzzy eggs.

But Mad Libs may be of more use than simply teaching my kid the difference between an adjective (slimy!) and an adverb (messily!). Today on Twitter, several agents I follow mentioned that they had received queries with a "now that bin Laden is dead" theme.

In case you're wondering, no, not one saw this as a positive development.

Suddenly, in the midst of my #amwriting and #wordmongering, I realized the vast, untapped potential for publishing industry Mad Libs.

Such things could serve the needs of desperate writers everywhere who cannot tell a great idea from a career-wrecker. They could be the saving grace for the poor schmuck who awakens one morning and thinks, "Hey! I bet if I reference a major global event in my query letter, it will be seen as timely and I'll be perceived as cutting edge!" They could be the Query Letter equivalent of Valium.

And so, without further ado -- and in the interest of providing a valuable service to writers and agents everywhere -- I present the Query Letter Mad Lib. All an author need do is fill in the blanks with a word of his or her choice, insert the appropriate word into the Query Letter where indicated, and send the resulting magnum opus to the agents or editors lucky enough to be deemed worthy.

**** QUERY LETTER MAD LIB ****

STEP 1: Fill in the blanks with the indicated words:

* Name of agent: ______________________

* Name of hero: _______________________

* Name of heroine: ______________________

* Past tense verb: ______________________

* Name of antagonist: ______________________

* Adverb: ______________________

* Number: ______________________

* Plural noun: ______________________

* Verb: ______________________

* Noun: ______________________

* Adjective: ______________________

* Book title: ______________________

* Number: ______________________

* Genre: ______________________

* Adjective: ______________________

* Number: ______________________

* Family member: ______________________

* Bestselling title: ______________________

* Bestselling title: ______________________

* Adverb: ______________________

* Adverb: ______________________

* Your Name: ______________________

STEP 2: Insert your answers in order into the following query letter where indicated:

Dear (Name of agent),

(Name of hero) and (Name of heroine) (past tense verb) as children, but the evil (Name of antagonist) (adverb) separated them. Now, (number) years later, they must put aside their (plural noun) and (verb) together to save the (noun) from (adjective) destruction.

(Book Title) is a (number) word (genre) novel. It is the first in a/an (adjective) series of (number) books. My (family member) says it's much better than either (bestselling title) or (bestselling title). I know you'll agree. I (adverb) await hearing from you.

(Adverb),

(Your Name)

*****

And that's it! Simpler than doing tedious research! More fun than searching for the elusive perfect word! The Query Letter Mad Lib: an idea -- like fuzzy eggs -- whose time has come!

Next up: the Rejection Letter Mad Lib...

In Search of the Perfect Word

2011-04-25T00:13:00.000-04:00

I'm in the middle of turning a novella into a novel. The story is essentially a one-set exercise, with a cast of only three characters and a limited number of props. Part of the challenge has been coming up with new and varied ways to talk about the same place, prop, or person as the story unfolds.

It's a balancing act. Too much repetition and the book sounds amateurish. Too much novelty and I run the risk of sounding like I wrote with thesaurus at the ready.

As always, I write in search of the perfect word.

The Perfect Word Search is a necessary part of both factual and fictitious writing.

When I was working on Geoff Teall’s book for Trafalgar Square, shortly before the book was due at the printers an issue arose over the use of a single word: classical. As in “classical horsemanship,” “classical techniques,” and “classical riding.”

Those phrases, and others like them, occur throughout the book. But after in-depth discussions with both Geoff and the publishers, it became clear that the word did not accurately reflect Geoff’s intentions. To make matters worse, the phrases that use “classical” as a modifier mean different things to different horsepeople, depending on the discipline of choice.

For instance, Geoff used the word to denote something timeless that was not a modern affectation. He was talking about “correct” or “purposeful” hunt seat riding.

Persons with a background in dressage, however, think of Xenophon and ancient Greece when they think of “classical riding.” The dressage rider’s body position is considerably straighter in the “classical position” than in a hunt seat position.

And the search for the word continued. Mere days before the project went to press, I found myself going over the entire text and analyzing how we had used the word “classical” throughout it. I also wracked my brain to come up with a better word that more accurately reflected what Geoff meant when he said “classical.”

If this seems nit-picky to you, think again. This was not mere word-play. This was our final opportunity to make Geoff’s meaning, teachings, and philosophy crystal clear to the reader. The last thing we wanted was for readers around the world to be confused about what is a central concept within the text.

We’d actually been down this road once already on this project.

Months earlier, Geoff and I had the same sort of exegetic conversation about the use of the word “equitation.” To me, it meant “proper riding.” But to him, it also meant a particular competitive Hunter division and he didn’t want people to read the word and misunderstand its use. Of course, he was right.

What we did was define “equitation” right up front, from the very beginning. Then, any place within the manuscript where there might be some confusion, we used the more benign “riding.”

When faced with what you've written, the reader does not have the luxury of having you explain things that are unclear. So take the time when the project is still in manuscript form to make sure that every word you use means exactly what you want it to. It’s an obvious, but often forgotten truth: When writing, words are all you have. Treat them with respect and use them wisely.

What techniques do you use to help you find the perfect word? How do you avoid sloppy repetition? How do you ensure that your meaning is clear? Share your wisdom in the comments.

And now, if you'll excuse me, the search continues...

Why We Write: Words of Wisdom from the Trenches

2011-04-19T12:02:00.000-04:00

Once again, I was wrestling with my current Work in Progress. I knew what had to happen, knew the characters involved, and knew how it all fit into the grand scheme of my story. Sometimes the words flow like wine. Or hot chocolate. Or - sweet ecstasy - Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.

Friday, however, was not one of those times.

For an entire afternoon, I wrote page after page, only to realize how awful it was. (I'm not being precious here. I'm fully capable of recognizing dreck when I see it. Even when it's mine. Especially when it's mine... ~sigh~)

I wrote 3 pages, then performed a mercy killing and began again. Lather. Rinse Repeat. At the end of the bloodletting, only 3 paragraphs remained standing.

I felt like the early settlers who, when pushing across the heavily wooded Midwest could labor all day beginning at sunrise, then at sunset look behind them and see where they had started.

And so, I turned to Twitter. Because no other place online makes me realize that we all endure the same process. I asked a simple question:

In spite of rejection, caffeine shortages, sleepless nights & tetchy muses, what keeps you #amwriting?

Here's what my brothers and sisters in the trenches had to say:

@Pages2Type: If I stopped, my wife would have to hear all these things. If write them down, it keeps me sane... well, sane-ish.

@DaleEstey: To find out what happens.

@angelaparson: I keep writing because the characters just won't shut up.

@trudymorgancole: My dad (a publisher) once had to explain to someone how little $ most pubbed authors make. Person (aghast): "Why do they do it??"

Dad's response? "They can't help themselves."

Truer words were never spoken. We can't help ourselves. Furthermore, I, for one, don't wish to.

Why do you write? What keeps you at it, especially on days when the words won't dance with you, or your characters aren't talking to you, or your family just shakes their collective heads in disbelief? I encourage you to add your words of wisdom in the comments below.

White Eggs and Spam: The Tweeter's Lament

2011-04-17T20:07:00.000-04:00

(With profuse apologies to Dr. Seuss)

Eggs hatch spam-bots. And dinosaurs.

I do not like white eggs and spam.
I do not like them, sir or ma'am.

I do not like them in HootSuite
TweetDeck, or Twitter. Won't re-tweet
Them. Won't click on links.
I'm not an idiot.
(That's what you thinks,
Isn't it? Why else
Would you blast me with your URLs?)

From "Writers Wanted!" to Bieberfans and
#followback begging, I hates the spam!

I do not like white eggs and spam.
I block and report them as fast as I can.
I will not keep eggs in my feed.
They hatch spam-bots. I do not need,
Or want, or even tolerate
The time-line clutter spam-bots make.

It's true, not all spam comes from eggs.
If I see boobs or butts or legs
It's a fair bet spam is in the tweet --
Spam that licks a toilet seat.

I do not like white eggs and spam.
I do not like it, sir or ma'am.

I tweet to connect with other people:
Writers. Riders. Real live tweeple.
I like what they have to say -
Even if it's just what they ate today.
They make me laugh. They keep me #amwriting.
They're so interesting, I find myself fighting
To more productively manage my time
So I do not spend it all online.

That's why I don't like white eggs and spam.
They clutter up my feed and jam
It with unwanted ads.
I "block & report" & kick bots in the nads.
If I wanted spam ads everyplace I look,
I wouldn't be on Twitter. I'd be on FaceBook.

The Winning Argument.